Impossible is Impossible

This blog is my way of reflecting upon life. Life is about living and learning. As I live and learn I’m going to reflect upon this life I lead. Hopefully I'll offer something insightful with my postings. If you learn nothing else from me, know this that “impossible is impossible”.

Wednesday, November 30, 2005

I Just Don't Know Sometimes

Currently ListeningBack II Basics
By GinuwineWhen We Make Love

So I just realized that I take way too many notes and not in class either no instead I take notes on conversations, things I observe, things I need to do, and things I never quite know what to do with. Whenver I sit down and attempt to clean up my desk or the mess around my desk I find notes written on big slips of paper, little slips of paper, on the front of stuff, and on the back of stuff. And I am not too shy to open up a word document and copy and paste some tidbit I think may be of use to me later. I think that the fact that I take so many notes makes me a bit of a scatterbrain. I seriously feel like college made me realize that I may have some type of mental disorder. I am not even joking. It is so hard for me to get focused, stay motivated, and accomplish things that really need to be done. In a bit I bet I'll be able to pull the most random of facts from my head, but not be able to pull anything of real use from my brain. A dire prediction but probably more fact than fiction.

Below are some of the more random notes and tidbits that had accumulated on top of my desk, sad things is all these remarks came from one person:

Friend #1: I want to sing at my own funeral.
Me: OMG
Friend #1: I think I'm going to make some recordings and tell them what songs to play at my funeral.

(Me laughing my @ss off.)

Friend #1: Why you laughing?
Me: I'm writing this down.
Friend #1: You can't write this down, it's copyrighted by me.
Me: No it's not.
Friend #1: Don't be trying to make no money off of me...Go ahead cause when I'm the Black Pople you ain't going have nothing to say.

(Me laughing so hard I almost p'ed in my pants.)
.........
Friend #1: I want an open marriage. I'd like a marriage where we don't live in the same house, but we have a common meeting place. We talk to each other, she goes about her business and I go about mine.
Me: Why get married?
Friend #1: Cause.
....
Me: I'm not boogie.
Friend #1: You are hood-boogie.

Sunday, November 27, 2005

My Rambling Continues

"Chris Has Issues"
Sunday Nights (Atleast when school's in session)
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Tonights Topic: Family: Love Em, Hate Em, Forget Em, or Leave Em

News, Talk, Interviews, and some R & B and Maybe Some Hip Hop

Meditate on This...Wise Words for This Week

Sunday- "The privilege of a lifetime is being who you are."-Joseph Campbell

Monday- "The man who wakes up and finds himself famous hasn't been asleep." -Anonymous

Tuesday- "The control center of your life is your attitude."-Anonymous

Wednesday- "A friend is a second self."-Aristotle

Thursday- "He who has a why to live for can bear almost any how."- Friedrich Nietzsche

Friday- "No one can secure happiness without earning it."- Anonymous

Saturday- "But I, being poor, have only my dreams; I have spread my dreams under your feet, Tread softly because you tread on dreams."-William Butler Yeats

Saturday, November 26, 2005

The Lesson's Learned

So last night the day after Thanksgiving I sat in my room all by my lonesome just thinking. As I sat on my bed I listened to the silence. I am sometimes reminded that silence is beauty, there is something awe inspiring about silence. The silence didn't last long, because soon I picked up the phone to call a friend. I remembered that I had promised to return a call. It wasn't long before our conversation was interrupted by the beep from an intersecting phone call:

"I'll call you back," I said for a second time. "It's my CB (Cuddle Buddy) and I have to talk to her."

Candance and I had seen each other briefly before Thanksgiving Break so I knew that she might be having a somewhat rough holiday. Before we left to come home she'd been faced with the prospect of introducing her boyfriend to her dad. While Candance felt it was necessary her boyfriend was anxious, and the more she thought about it, the more nervous she too became. This already tense situation was confounded by the fact that she had been developing feelings for someone, not me Thank God, I don't need to be involved in a love triangle. This other guy was a friend of Candace's. For some reason this strange attraction was developing between the two of them. Now normally this may have only been a slight problem, but the two of them were both involved in long distance relationships. Their curiousity got the best of them and they kissed not once but twice. In the back of their minds they knew it was wrong, but neither one of them chose to stop themselves. Wanting to see what could happen and what would happen became their latest fascination and fixation. They both found themselves crossing the line and forgetting the boundary which exists, or the boundary which should exist. Candance knew what had to be done, she had to get right with herself, by making things right with her boyfriend.

She told him the truth. She had crossed the line. She had strayed emotionally and physically. She tried to explain herself, but that couldn't undo the damage which had already been done. She'd hurt herself, but even worst she'd hurt someone else. They broke up. Part of her was relieved that she could tell the truth, that she wasn't holding back, but only part of her felt changed for the better. Telling the truth not only changed her existence, but his as well. It wasn't until she saw his pain, and felt his pain that she realized how much pain she herself was just beginning to feel.

"I feel like such a bad person."
" I don't know why I couldn't control myself."
"I don't feel like I can trust myself anymore."

Those are all words she uttered. That's how she felt.

The angst was real, the anxiety, the frustration, the regret, the sadness, and the disappointment.

So I told her that she wasn't a bad person, but that what she done was bad. I told her that curioisity had gotten the best of her, and that it was only natural. I told her what I knew to be true. "We all hold onto the ideal of what a perfect relationship...We all hope that we can true to another person and to treat them how they deserve to be treated." I told her what I felt, "Perfection is an ideal, but it's just that an ideal because it'll never be a reality. You tried hard to be the perfect daughter, the perfect girlfriend, and the perfect student, but we can't be perfect. We are as close to perfect as we're going to get when we live each day." I told her to believe in herself, love herself, and to most importantly forgive herself. The life we live is in real time, it's been said before that we don't get instant replays. Life is about the lessons learned.

Friday, November 25, 2005

THANKFUL, GRATEFUL, AND LOVING IT

Current Mood: Tired
Currently Listening#1'sBy Destiny's ChildFeel The Same Way I Do (REALLY FEELING THIS RIGHT NOW)

Thanksgiving got me to thinking about some of the things that I love, some of the things I'm grateful for. These were some of the things which rumbled to the top of my tired mind.

1. My Mother- She be a nuisance sometime's but it's all love Ha
2. My Twin Sister- She is just looney and a lil butch but I love her realness
3. My Late Maternal Grandma- She still keeps me grounded, even if it's in spirit
4. My Maternal Grandddad- The best example of how to be a loving father and a good man
5. My Aunts- They keep me honest
6. My Uncles- They keep me humble
7. My Cousins -They keep me hood but good
8. The Rest of My Family- The drama keeps me laughin
9. My Truest Friends- The one's that talk about me to my face, not behind my back
10. My Mentors: Charlene, Sharon, Anita, Cheron, Donna
11. Kendrick- Keeps me on the up and up
12. DIP- Ha still got me trying to woo the ladies like him Ha
13. Gary- Umm that forehead be shiney, the deep convos be invaluable
14. Devin- Reminds me that any lady worth my time better be as good if not better than my lil sisters
15. Christina- My namesake, and we have an open and honest "cousinship"
16. TWin-LoL someone who talks as much as me priceless
17. Lauren- builds you up to tear you down, preparing me for the real world, and a tase
18. My TMP Fam- where it all started, at Channel 2, ha still got me trying to be like all of them
19. My NABJ Fam-reminds me that hard work = the best destination
20. My YAR Fam- reminds me of my truest calling which is giving back
21. Reading
22. Writing
23. Blogging
24. Philosophizing- don't quite think that's a word but I really think I like thinking
25. Rambling- getting out what's on my mind
26. Driving
27. Listening
28. Sleeping
29. Walking
30. Watching
31. Biographies
32. Quotes
33. Inspirational Articles
34. Reflections
35. Poetry
36. Blogs
37. Anything that's not a textbook
38. Black Authors
39. Information about Black History
40. Information about Media History
41. Information about Successful Newscasters
42. Tips and Tools- helpful hints
43. Deep Conversations
44. Talk about True Love, Spirituality, Success, Charity, Authenticity,Realness
45. Giving Advice
46. Receiving Good Advice
47. Constructive Criticism
48. Affirmation
49. Compliments
50. Deserved Praise
51. Honesty
52. Honest People
53. Authenticity
54. Respect
55. Respectful People
56. Classical
57. Gospel
58. Jazz
59. R & B/Hip Hop
60. Classic R & B
61. Neo-Soul
62. Jill Scott
63. Kindred the Family Soul
64.Vivian Green
65. Denyce Graves
66. Deitirick Haddon
67. Smokie Norful
68. Wynton Marsalis
69. Patti LaBelle
70. Alicia Keys
71. Richard Smallwood
72. Morgan State University Choir
73. Soulful Symphony
74. Pay Day
75. Vacation
76. Books
77. Magazines
78. CDs
79. CD Players
80. Radios
81. 2 Way Talk Radio
82. Local News
83. Cable News
84. Documentaries
85. Public Festivals
86. Public Libraries 87. Farmer's Markets
88. Museum's
89.VH1 Soul 90.Amazon.com
91. Leisure Time
92.Public Schools
93. Parochial Schools
94. Private Schools 95. Cable Television 96. Jean 97. Volunteering
98. Diversity Work
99. Oprah Winfrey and Barack Obama and Thurgood Marshall and Max Robinson and Mel Goode 100. Potatoes- mashed, french fries, home fries, potatoes and onions
101. Chicken Quesadillas
102. The Bacon Cheeseburger.
103. Picnics
104. PBS
105. Stanley Nelson features
106. The Kids I Work With
107. HBCU's
108. A Better Chance
109. Baltimore Educational Scholarship Trust
110. M. L.K. Jr. Elementary School
111. St. Ignatius Loyola Academy
112. McDonogh School
113. WMAR ABC 2
114. NMWDA
115. Peach Cobbler
116. Pens
117. Pads
118. Journalism
119. Freedom of Speech, Freedom of Press, Freedom to Assemble, Freedom of Religion
120. God
121. Women
122. Beautiful Women
123. Intelligent Women
124. That Girl Who Threatened Me and Told Me She'd Handle Me If Need Be (LoL she did apologize and she does still scare me, but she also makes me smile Sad I Know )
125. My Doggone Self

Tuesday, November 22, 2005

I'm A Winner

I don't care what they say, I'm a winner and a friend to all LoL!

CNN LIVE AT DAYBREAK
Aired November 22, 2005 - 06:30 ET

JERAS: It does. Hey, I'm about to warm your heart with a coffee mug and the big winner this morning, Carol.
COSTELLO: Perfect!
JERAS: Our favorite part of the day! Here we go. Here are the answers to Monday's coffee quiz for those of you keeping track. Find out if you got it right.
What's the airline provision that protects bumped passengers?
The rule is -- or the answer is Rule 240.
And what political party did Ariel Sharon help create in 1973?
The answer, the Likud Party.
The winner, Christopher Nelson from Baltimore, Maryland. Congratulations, Christopher.
Do you want to win a mug? You can.
You just have to answer these questions.
Who is the new German chancellor?
And what town elected an 18- year-old mayor?
You can submit your answers online. The address is CNN.com/daybreak. You can find out tomorrow if you're a lucky winner, like our friend, Christopher.

Sunday, November 20, 2005

A Real Life "One on One"

Last night I was waiting on a bus stop to return to school after being out and about in good old Bmore. While walking to the bus stop this guy walked by with a little girl who couldn't be any older than 1 or 2. Now the way she held on to his hand let me know that this guy was probably her father. Clad in her pink coat, pink hat, jeans, and pink hard bottoms "the little woman" seemed unphased by the cold temperatures, and instead more focused on the adventure she was having with her dad. I was happy to see an African-American man, and a young African-American man at that spending time with his daughter. So often we hear stories and see played out in the media stories about young African-American males who are irresponsible, disrepectful, unfocused, and lacking in a determination to do what is right. Now I don't know anything about how that man lives his life, but I was encouraged by his spending time with his daughter, and being a part of her life. It reminded me of my two little cousins, and one in particular 3 year old Tori who is truly her father's daughter. It's such a heart warming thing to see her love of her father played out before my very eyes. She is quick to let you know when she wants her "Daddy." Her love of her "Daddy" and the role he plays in her life goes to validate the fact that children need two parent households. But having been raised by a single mom, I can tell you that single parents can do as good a job as any in raising young people who are honest, capable, intelligent, and productive members of the community.

Too often the focus is on the women who take on the challenge of raising their children alone, but not enough is said about the men who do the exact same thing. I had a friend in middle school who was raised by his Dad. This man remains in the process of raising two young men on his own, and one of them is now a freshman in college after having attended an ultra- elite prep school here on the East Coast, and I commend him and his commitment to his two young men. Now a lot of you may know about the UPN show "One on One" which stars Kyla Pratt and Flexx Alexander. Alexander plays a father who is in the process of raising his teenage, now college aged daughther on his own. But here's a real life one on one. Click on the title of this posting for the link for the story of one young man who was determined to do right by the little woman in his life. Terrell Pough was just 16 when his daughter was born, and since then had worked hard to do what was right for her. He wanted her to have the opportunities which may not have been afforded him. Unfortunately his life was cut short, but his story is remarkable and a testament to the beauty of "fatherhood" and the potential of one in the life of a child especially his or her own. Please pray for his family and for his little girl, that her life may still be as full and as wholesome as it would have been, yet some coward not taken the life of her father.

Wise Words and Thoughts To Ponder for this Week

Sunday- "People see God every day, they just don't recognize him." --Pearl Bailey, Performer

Monday- "I have a great belief in the future of my people and my country. "--Marian Anderson, Singer

Tuesday-"The price one pays for pursuing any profession, or calling, is an intimate knowledge of its ugly side." --James Baldwin, Author

Wednesday-"It appears that my worst fears have been realized: we have made progress in everything yet nothing has changed." --Derrick Bell, Actor

Thursday- "We need never be ashamed of our tears." -- Charles Dickens, Author

Friday-" A moment's insight is sometimes worth a lifetime's experience." --Oliver Wendell Holmes, Jursit

Saturday- "Simplicity makes me happy."-- Alicia Keys, Singer

Awwww (Tons of Sighs)

Awww
Current mood: tired
Sunday, November 20, 2005

Currently ListeningFlo' OlogyBy Floetry Track Closer

It is early on Sunday morning and I have craploads of things to do today, this despite the fact that Thanksgiving is coming up.

Yesterday all I had time to do were the following

1) Wash clothes
2) Fold clothes
3) Attend a site visit: Visit and evaluate a program funded by a board I serve on
4) Go retrieve a package
5) Return to School

And now there's the agenda for later today, Sunday

I have 7, yes you're reading it right, 7- 2 page papers to do, I should have been doing those things way in advance.
I have to work on knocking out atleast one 5 page reflection for my Comm class by Tuesday.
I have to host my radio show tomorrow at 6pm.
I have a weekly staff meeting at the station tomorrow at 8pm.
I have to look at the summer internship app which is due soon.
I have to look at the summer fellowship app so I can possibly head to Italy for a few weeks next summer.
I have to avoid my CB, my cuddle buddy, she's making me feel weird. SOME females play too many games, and anyone who knows CNEL, knows he is not one for games.

Awww so much to do, so little time. I need a serious vaca.

Interesting Tidbits from Today

I visited a Gay, Lesbian, Bi, and Transgender Center today, a very interesting experience.
The guys there really opened my eyes to some of the struggles facing people with so-called "alternative lifestyle".

I got booted from a city bus today. The driver was behind schedule so he kicked us off the bus.
I had to wait a hour for another city bus this evening, after so called changes were made to improve the service.
This guy offered to carjack a car and give me a ride, the guy was drinking some brown liquor in a medicine looking bottle, some liquor I presume cause I don't drink.
The same guy offered to show me his gun.
Then the guy offered to scare the bus driver by pulling out the gun.
He also offered to cuss the bus driver out.
Umm I passed on all his offers, and sat my tail in the back near the exit, in case he got buck.
Dealing with the M, T, A (Mass Transit Administration) otherwise known as Maria, Tanya, and Amy (When people get nosey and wonder how I got from place to place when it's none of their doggone business) is horrid.

Thursday, November 17, 2005

Touching the Untouchable Part 2: Almost Hooch Hooching LoL

You think you know but you have no idea, this is the life of CNEL!

So as I sit here typing this I’m listening to Destiny’s Child "Temptation" and "Say My Name" in succession of one another, and then on repeat. So back to the story the other day my friend Mashaun (check out his blog link at left) was talking about how sometimes you don't want to necessarily be in an exclusive relationship, but you want to be a little more than friends. You want to be made to feel comfortable, needed, desired. All that can be accomplished by having one simple thing a "cuddle buddy". So I have this friend. Yes we are only friends, but yes I am attracted to her. She’s the one I alluded to a little bit earlier. So here’s the deal she goes to school here in Baltimore, she’s from up north where she has a boyfriend, and down here she has someone she likes a lot, and oh then she has me liking her. I know I really need to put an end to that, but umm is harder than I thought.

But anyway in recent weeks this girl and I we've gotten a bit closer. We've in effect become "cuddle buddies" (Thanks Mashaun), and it’s fine for both of us. I mean we grab a bite, we come to my room, we watch TV, we listen to music, we talk about school, love, and life, and then we flirt as described in my poems. She was the inspiration for a few of my poetic ramblings:

Didn't Know

She didn't know that I liked her, atleast until last night
She may have had an idea, but she couldn't have known for sure
She asked me once before, and I avoided answering
But she has to know now

She already has a man someone she seems to care a lot about
She always brings him up and tells me all about him
She comes to me for comfort, and how I wish she'd comfort me
But we can't cross that line

She is open and honest
She is sweet and gentle
She is sexy maybe without knowing it
But I guess I shouldn't be thinking thse things

She tempts me
She draws me in
She makes me feel different
But the feeling of security won't last

She talks to me softly
She lets me touch her
She lays back on me when she's sitting on my bed and she let's me embrace her
But I can tell she feels guilty

She is what I'd like but what I know I can't have

© Christopher Nelson 2005 All Rights Reserved

She

She came up behind me and put her hands around my neck
I took her hands and I felt their warmth
She rubbed parts of my back
I wanted to touch her too

She sat on my bed
I came and I laid down behind her
She leaned back on me
I put my arms around her, I held her as if she were mine

She got up to leave
I felt as if part of me left with her

© Christopher Nelson 2005 All Rights Reserved

And last night we met up, grabbed food, and came up here. And then as my other friend, and newfound "TWIN" T-Win (see his blog at left as well) says I have almost begun hooch hooching (naw not really). From TWIN’s blog " Ho0ch Ho0cH-verb. to engage in kahoodling actions whilst unmarried, noun. any individual who engages in kahoodling". Umm but naw we kept it strictly cuddling. I would say more, but LoL my mom reads this site LoL. I’m so sorry. Let me go shower, pray, and go to class LoL. Whew it’s almost Friday so I’m clowning. I’ll holla.
That’s all for now.
-CNEL

Touching the Untouchable Part 1

The first in a series (HaHa) the first of a two parter:

So now for The Backstory:

I'm a 19 year old black male, a son, a grandson, a brother, a nephew, a cousin, a friend, a college student, an aspiring journalist, a childcare provider, a diversity practitioner, a public speaker, a community activist. A lot of those things most of you already know about me. Ha but
honestly my busy life coupled with my uniqueness it seems prohibits me from actively being involved in a fulfilling relationship, why you might ask? I'm basically too busy to put forth the effort to woo someone, and I'm too different for some young women to even give me the chance to woo them. Sad, I know. So I guess that I've grown content with being single. I mean there are obviously other parts of my life which are fulfilling save romance.

Most people say if you really want it you'll make it happen. So maybe I don't want it badly enough. Maybe I don't really want to fall for someone or want someone to fall for me just yet. And the other night a friend of mine offered yet another why I might be single, maybe it was suggested I'm single because I fear being hurt again. I had pursued someone for the better part of five years, we finally got together, and the relationship lasted 2 months exactly. I got dumped on what would have been my 2 month anniversary. And that's not the kicker, I got dumped bya text message. Ha Ha grimy I know. Then it wasn't funny, but now I laugh everytime I think about it, and because since then I've heard of it happening to others. Some people lack sophistication, sensitivity, and basic home training.

After that bad experience I guess I became content with being with myself. My motto, "Who better to treat me than me." Sounds like some faux empowering, man/woman-hater type ish I know. But it was what I needed to tell myself so I could get over the hurt. Yes, men can be hurt, I'll post more about that at a later time.

So after that I just looked at some of the most beautiful women from afar. I don't know it seems now that I developed some type of deep seeded insecurity. Maybe it's because the person I long for now, doesn't want anything to do with me outside of being my friend. And the whole world knows it, or well all our friends now that I am so taken by her. And yes she does know HaHa that's a funny story I'll tell that later too. But now it seems because I never end up with the one I want, or I get hurt by the one I thought I needed most any girl I was remotely interested in became part of a list I call The Untouchables. (Untouchable: def. : Girls or guys you want, but can't have and they are made untouchable due to the fact that they are taken, not looking, friend material, or just too damn fine (say it right foine now don't front!)) I have examples, names, and pictures, but I can't go out like that, these are real people and not celebs.

But in recent weeks someone I've been kind of interested in for a while. It's sad she's probably only within my line of sight because I can't have the one I really long for. Hey I might is well be honest with it. But she probably does have a place on the list, the list which holds the names of "The Untouchables". But anyway in recent weeks we've gotten a bit closer. We've in effect become cuddle buddies, because she has a man, she has a man on the side, and then she has me.....

The rest to come later!

Tuesday, November 15, 2005

A Different World

"A Different World" Theme Song

I know my parents love me.
Stand behind me come what may.
I know now that I'm ready. Because I finally heard them say!
It's a different world from where you come from.

Here's a chance to make it.
If we focus on our goals.
If you dish it we can take it.
Just remember you've been told...
It's a different world from where you come from.
It's a different world from where you come from.

Hmmm why does it always seem as if someone has an open window into my life? It seems as if those who wrote, produced, and directed "A Different World" were foreshadowing some of the experiences of my life. I know, I know "A Different World" debuted a year after I was born. HaHa yes that was 18 years ago, but the show is still relevant even in its absence. The issues which were discussed and put on display are still real. College I am fast learning is "A Different World", a world different from where I came, and a world which is different from the world in which I will soon enter.

So a lot of people wanted to know what I learned while I was in my self-imposed exile from blogging. No, I didn't stop blogging in attempt to find myself, I thankfully know who I am and whose I am, but the process of becoming someone I am forever proud of is ongoing :-), so I stopped blogging to take time to clear my head, and do some thinking. I had to catch up with my thoughts which were basically flowing a mile a minute. So I took time off from writing, not from reading other people's blogs, and I couldn't abandon facebook, but I took a week long break from writing. During that time I did me, I did my usual class, work, volunteering, et cetera, et cetera.

I did come away with some thoughts, and so here are some of my revelations:

I am a perfectionist but I realize that I can't be perfect
I already have many of the tools which will ultimately make me successful
The most important and reliable tool I have is my mind
I know the three keys to ultimate success and stand by them: desire, discipline, and dedication (Thanks to Educator Dave Levin of KIPP: Knowledge is Power Program Schools for illuminating the three keys)
I am confident in my abilities to overcome adversity one step at a time, one day at a time
I make my mistakes, but I learn from them
It's hard for me to be constantly motivated and it sometimes makes me lazy :-(
I love learning, but I could pass on school
I am admittedly weird
I talk a lot
I talk too fast
I am a little moody, no a lot moody
I am too giving
I am a little too open and honest
I have very few secrets
My family is so good to me, though a few of them are looney
True friends are better than tons of friends
I will not accept disrespect


Those are just some of the things I had illuminated for me in my six days of private reflection, but I guess it's not so private now. I know nothing extremely profound. I think my mind allowed me to see that so much of what is important already lies within me. I am fortunate to know who I am and whose I am. It's up to me to not loose sight of that! Yeah, yeah, yeah. Blah, blah, blah.

That's all for now.

-Christopher aka CNEL

Monday, November 14, 2005

The Things People Say Part II

The Untouchables
Me: Everybody should have a list of Untouchables. (Untouchables: Girls or guys you want but can't have.)
Friend #1 Or not?
Me: Yes. People should have them.
Friend #1: You're list of Untouchables is people you don't want to touch. My Untouchables are people I don't want to touch me.

It's About That Time: Conference Time aka Road Trip Time
Friend #1: I'm nervous about Dallas, I don't want their to be any kahoodling.
Me: Kahoodling.
Friend #1: Yeah you know. It almost happened last year.
Me: Didn't nothing happen last year, so ain't nothing happening this year.
Friend #1: Boy it got kinda heavy on the dance floor.
Me: What?
Friend #1: We was grindin kinda heavy, getting kinda sweaty.
Me: Ok.
Friend #1: You know how usually when you dance it's back to front, well she turned around and was looking at me.
Me: LoL. WoW
Friend #1: Yeah then she was looking at me and we was still grinding kinda heavy.
Me: LoL
Friend #1: Well I could've but she could have had A.y I. D.ie S.low

I'm Mad As Hell

I'm mad as hell I had to read this essay (it's excerpted) and comment on it for my class. Almost anything is considered academic these days. If I used this much grossity (I know not a word), but parts of this mess just made one think gross, and if I cursed this much umm no I wouldn't, well not on paper. I'm sitting here reading this, mad, thinking WTF. Mmm Iono this paper just made me mad for some reason. OK this may be my most random post as of yet, but OK, back to reviewing other's essays and writing up comment sheets.

Fanboy
“That…that’s just fucked up.”

“No John,” I put the Superman comic back on the shelf with the others, “no I don’t.”
“To hardcore for you? You are a little girl and all so you’d probably prefer a lesbian scene between She-Hulk and Storm, yea that’s definitely more your style.” “What?”
“Fanboys, the correct term is Comic Book Fanboys.” He says dead seriously.
~
Fanboy or Fanboi is a term used to describe someone who is utterly devoted to a single subject or hobby, often to the point where it is considered an obsession. The term originated in comic book circles, to describe someone who was socially insecure and used comics as a shield from interaction, hence the disparaging connotations. Fanboys are often experts on minor details regarding their hobbies, and they take these details extremely seriously.
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Fanboy
~

“When you said Iron Man shouldn’t be allowed on the Avengers because he was in Vietnam and everyone knows every guy that was in Vietnam had, how did you put it, propositioned at least one underage Vietnamese boy.”
“Oh come one you know they got sick of reusing the same young girls all the time.” John smirks, “It’s one of those known but unacknowledged secrets everyone knows, like when someone farts at the dinner table and tries to play it off as the seat cushion.”
I stand across from him dumbfounded; I finally speak after a few seconds.
“Ok one, you’re a retard, two, that’s not true, three, I’m dumber for having heard you say that, and four, lets say that if its even out there somewhere in the realm of possibilities, which it’s not, what would it have to do with a comic book character that saves and protects America.”
A comic book is a magazine or book containing the sequential art in the form of a narrative. Comic books are often called comics for short. Although the term implies otherwise, the subject matter in comic books is not necessarily humorous, and in fact its dramatic seriousness varies widely. The term "comics" in this context does not refer to comic strips (such as Peanuts or Dilbert).
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Comic_book
~

“Maybe.” I pause and think for a second, “Ok yea I’d say that’s true if you want to My God John, that was so deep of you.”
“Ya I know, I’m a kick ass superhero.”
~
A superhero is a fictional character who is noted for feats of courage and nobility, who usually has colorful name and costume and abilities beyond those of normal human beings. Since the definitive superhero, Superman, debuted in 1938, the stories of superheroes - ranging from episodic adventures to decades-long sagas - have become an entire genre of fiction that has dominated American comic books and crossed over into several other media.
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Super_hero
~

“That’s it, I should do a comic book about me. John The Kick Ass Superhero. I know you’d buy it.”
“Just to see what kind of stupid stuff you do it. Plus you could never use that title.”
“Why not? Cause ass would be on the cover?”
“No the word Superhero, it’s joint trademarked by Marvel and DC.”
“Bullshit.”
“Swear to God man, decades ago they fought over who owned it and neither could get rights so they just filed for a joint trademark to fuck over everyone else in the world from using it.” I walk a few feet away from the counter and pick up miniature statue of Thor.
“Fucking Marvel, making superheroes a not-word for everyone else in the world.”
I look back at him, “Are you really going to start using the word not-word. Plus why you gotta do that? Go straight for Marvel like that, I mean DC is as much to blame also. You always gotta hate on them.”
~
Marvel Comics, NYSE: MVL (AKA Marvel Entertainment Group, Marvel Characters, Inc., and Marvel Enterprises, Inc.) sometimes called by the nickname The House of Ideas, is an American comic book company. Its best-known comics include The Fantastic Four, The Amazing Spider-Man, The Incredible Hulk, Iron Man, Captain America, and X-Men. Since the 1960s, it has been one of the two largest American comics companies, along with DC Comics.
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Marvel_Comics

“Jesus,” I look down at my watch, “it’s 7 already, how long have we been talking about this.”
“No idea, this is how all my days go.”
“What even got us started on this?”
“Fanboys.”
“We need a life.”
“I,” John points to himself, “got a life.”
“Being twenty five and working forty plus hours a week at a comic book store while living with an English teacher girlfriend who is way to good for you and always reminds you, is not a life.”
“Well it’s my life.”
“True, can’t take that from you.”
“Damn straight, I love it.”
“That you do.”
“Come on it’s a good life.” John stands getting ready to give a monologue. “I mean come on, I wake up at ten everyday to start work at eleven, I spend my entire day talking about my favorite thing in the world. I mean come on, I know it and you know how great comic books are, it’s everyone else in the world who is missing out. They just write this shit off as kid’s stuff because it’s what they superficially believe. I mean Jesus, comic books are one of the fix or six original American art forms, it’s just under appreciated and acknowledged. I mean thankfully today because of the movies people are taking notice but honestly that’s sad it has taken so many decades and exposure through other mediums for them finally to be acknowledge and accepted. So that’s what I like about my life.” John puts the lollipop back in his mouth. “Plus I go home to a woman way to good for me every night that lets me put it in her butt.”
“Way to make good points and invalidate yourself at the last second.”
“It’s what I do.”

Sunday, November 13, 2005

Words of Wisdom

Sunday- “The mind is its own place, and in itself, can make heaven of Hell, and a hell of Heaven.”-John Milton, author

Monday-“My country is the world, and my religion is to do good.”-Thomas Paine, journalist

Tuesday-“How we spend our days is, of course, how we spend our lives.”-Annie Dillard, author

Wednesday-“Life is just a mirror, and what you see out there, you must first see inside of you.”-Wally “Famous” Amos, The Cookie Man

Thursday- “Never give advice unless asked.”-German Proverb

Friday-“The greatest discovery of my generation is that a human being can alter his life by altering his attitudes of mind.” -William James , philosopher

Saturday-“Keep your fears to yourself, but share your courage with others.”-Robert Louis Stevenson, poet

Saturday, November 12, 2005

Poetic Rambling

Current mood: artistic

1.
My Mind's Eye

With my mind's eye I see all this is before me
Those things which are now
Those things which have yet to be
All with my mind's eye

With my mind's eye I see all that is behind me
Those things which are now
Those things which have yet to be
All with my mind's eye

Because you see those things which are, those things which were, and those things which will be are all part of the picture before my mind's eye.

© Christopher Nelson 2005 All Rights Reserved

2. Love Is (Excerpt)

Love is full of power and can cause the emergence of pain or passion.
Love is honesty which sometimes means being hurt, but know that there is redemption in healing.
Love is brilliant when a person is bold enough to embrace it, because only then can one understand true love's beauty.

© Christopher Nelson 2005 All Rights Reserved

3.
Them

It's too much about them
what they think
what they do
how they do what they do
what they say
what it symbolizes
why they say what they say
It's too much about them
their thoughts
their acts
their todays
their yesterdays
their tomorrows
Look at me now, I've allowed them to take over my mind

© Christopher Nelson 2005 All Rights Reserved

4.
*Untitled

If beauty can be seen in love
And love is pain and pain is love
Then there's no wonder why I hurt so bad

© Christopher Nelson 2005 All Rights Reserved

5.
*Questions
How can I desire her and she not desire me?
How can I dream of her and she not dream of me?
How will I ever know if the feeling is mutual?
Yes, I could ask, yes I could act on my feelings, but to do so involves some risk.
Do you really care for her?
Do you really care about her?
Do you really want the chance?
Yes is the answer to all those questions, but my I want to's and my I will's haven't met yet.

© Christopher Nelson 2005 All Rights Reserved

6.
I Messed It Up

I messed it up
I embarrassed myself once, twice, maybe a thousand times
I messed it up
I came on to strong and never knew how to just be easy
I messed it up
I let the whole world know my feelings, my intentions, my longings
I messed it up
I could not keep things between us
Gone is my chance at love and at life
Gone is my chance at happiness
Gone is my chance with her
Gone is it all because I messed up

© Christopher Nelson 2005 All Rights Reserved

7.
She Is (Excerpt)

She is all that and more, a person who lives life with the type of zealousness which is ideal. She is amazing, she is brilliant, and she is capable of changing my life. for she has already captured my heart
and my mind.

© Christopher Nelson 2005 All Rights Reserved


8.
Didn't Know

She didn't know that I liked her, atleast until last night
She may have had an idea, but she couldn't have known for sure
She asked me once before, and I avoided answering
But she has to know now

She already has a man someone she seems to care a lot about
She always brings him up and tells me all about him
She comes to me for comfort, and how I wish she'd comfort me
But we can't cross that line

She is open and honest
She is sweet and gentle
She is sexy maybe without knowing it
But I guess I shouldn't be thinking thse things

She tempts me
She draws me in
She makes me feel different
But the feeling of security won't last

She talks to me softly
She lets me touch her
She lays back on me when she's sitting on my bed and she let's me embrace her
But I can tell she feels guilty

She is what I'd like but what I know I can't have


© Christopher Nelson 2005 All Rights Reserved

9.
She

She came up behind me and put her hands around my neck
I took her hands and I felt their warmth
She rubbed parts of my back
I wanted to touch her too

She sat on my bed
I came and I laid down behind her
She leaned back on me
I put my arms around her, I held her as if she were mine

She got up to leave
I felt as if part of me left with her

© Christopher Nelson 2005 All Rights Reserved

Currently listening: Roc-A-Fella Records Presents Teairra Mari­ By Teairra Mari
Release date: By 02 August, 2005

The Things People Say

The Things People Say

Mood-Bored, Lazy, FRUSTRATED, TIRED, Upset, Hopeful -HAHA Moody

Music- Alicia Keys "Unbreakable", Trina featuring Kelly Rowland "Here We Go", TI "U Don't Know Me"

Book(s) The Pact by The Three Doctors Drs. Davis, Hunt, and Jenkins, Why Are All the Black Kids Sitting Together in the Cafeteria? Dr. Beverly Daniel Tatum

TV- "Everybody Hates Chris"

" Friend 1: They must be city-class negroes" (I don't know whether to take offense to my suburban friend's statement)

" Friend 2: Why is it when you see someone who is good looking with someone whose not so good looking-
Me: Do you wonder why?
Friend 2: Yeah you're wondering why, but you're also thinking it's wrong.
Me: Why is it wrong?
Friend 2: It's such a waste, isn't it a waste?"

"Me: I got a story to tell you.
Friend 2: I haven't talked to you in about half a day. How are you going have a story already?
Me: I mean it just happened last night, well actually early this morning.
Friend 2: Your life is traumatic."

" Me: This school's internet is getting on my nerves. It hasn't been working right all day.
Friend 2: You can't have good dorms, and good internet."

"Me: I've had my heart broken too many times.
Friend 3: So what's one more time going to do?"

"Me: Can you imagine me as President?
Friend 3: If you had it together more junior year.
Me: What?
Friend: When you were BAC (Black Awareness Club aka BSU) President.
Me: That was black people, it's a little bit different running a multicultural nation."

Hmm a more substantive post about my exile from blogging is still to come.

Sunday, November 06, 2005

Balance: The Difference between Criticism and Praise, Fact and Fiction

Currently ListeningUnpluggedBy Alicia KeysWild Horses

Balance: The Difference between Criticism and Praise, Fact and Fiction

"That's good you're ambitious, so let's get your grades up." -My Sociology Professor

*** "I have a problem saying, "No", when I do I feel guilty.-Me
Don't feel guilty, "just say no." -My Soc Professor
"I need to take more time for Chris."-Me
"More time for Chris and for sociology."-My Soc Professor" ***

"You have the ability to but a first rate writer, the only thing is your too wordy." -My English Professor

"You know the Staples commercials there's a guy who pushes an Easy button. There's a bullshit button and feel free to use it throughout life." -One of My Communications Professors

So the fact is I've been bsing myself, excuse the bluntness, but is that serious. I've been slacking on my game and it's beginning to catch up with me. For too long I have used to excuse that I didn't want to be at Loyola as a crutch. Yep, I was punking out. Today I'm recommiting myself to being true to myself. Today I'm commiting myself to achieving what I know is very well possible balancing who I am and who I want to be, balancing what I do, and what I don't have. It has come to my attention that my image and my identity were not in sync with one another. People had this vision of me, which while flattering is probably not actual. I had this vision of myself which justified all my faults of inadequacies. So now, I'm going to take some time to figure out what my identity needs to be, and I'll balance that with the image I give off to the world. It's not so much about what others think of me, but who and what I get staring back at me when I look in the mirror. So in case you care, I'll be away from the world of blogging for a few days to clear my head, to catch up on some work, and to do some things I got to do for Chris. If you know me and really need to get at me, you know how to, if not then it's whatever. And that's all for now, I'll holla!

-Christopher aka CNEL

Words of Wisdom


Currently ListeningUnpluggedBy Alicia KeysUnbreakable

Words of Wisdom

Sunday- "Motivation is what gets you started. Habit is what keeps you going." -Jim Ryun, Congressman

Monday- "Standing up to your government can mean standing up for your country." Bill Moyers, Journalist

Tuesday-"Every artist dips his brush in his own soul, and paints his own nature into his pictures." - Henry Ward Beecher,clergyman and reformer

Wednesday- "A man's dreams are an index to his greatness." -Zadok Rabinwitz, Artist

Thursday- "Love has nothing to do with what you are expecting to get, it's what you are expected to give -- which is everything." -Katherine Hepburn, Actress

Friday- "We don't know who we are until we see what we can do." -Martha Grimes, Author

Sarturday-"To have doubted one's own first principles is the mark of a civilized man."- Oliver Wendell Holmes, Supreme Court Justice

Saturday, November 05, 2005

Looking Back....Looking Around...Looking in the Mirror

10 years ago I was:

-At M.L.K. Elementary School in Ms. Whitaker's 4th grade class.
-Beginning to think I was a poet
- Developing a bit of a crush on Alison G
-About to go to 5th grade
-Beginning to take journalism seriously

5 years ago I was:

- Adjusting to living in the dorms
- Not liking public showers
- I had first met my dumb-ass ex
-Dreading having to play sports
-Wondering whether I measure up

1 year ago :

-loving my momma as I do everyday for her constant love and support
-learning to laugh at my ownself
- hating my doggone school
- trying to figure out what I wanted to major in
- trying to figure out why some parts of Baltimore are so bad

Yesterday I:
- was fulfilling "my" duties at the radio station
- cleaning my room as I do every other weekend
- thinking about ish I shouldn't be thinking about
-wathing some kids that aren't mine
-falling asleep in class

5 snacks I enjoy:
- Cashews
- Reese's Cups from out the fridge
- Peanut Butter Cookies
- Pineapple Soda or Fruit Punch
- Homemade Desserts

5 songs I know all the words to:

None I'm not god wit lyrics, I kno dats booty, but it's true

But I should know the lyrics to

-Cursed by Vivian Green
- U Don't Know Me by TI
-Cupid by 112
-I Keep it to Myself by Monica
-For You by Kenny Lattimore

5 things I would do with 100 million dollars:

- give money to my family and true friends
- pay off college, get a Master's Degree in Journalism, and get a J.D. from Howard University's Law School
- establish a scholarship program in my grandmother's honor
- buy a car
- help everyone who has ever helped me and give back to St. Iggy and McDonogh.

5 places I would run away to:

- Chicago
- DC- to "her" arms
- South Africa or Ghana or Senegal
- that place up on the Hill where I met "her"

5 things I would never wear:

- flamboyant colors
- too little clothes
- dirty draws
- a bathing suit without a T
-shirt- my birthday suit outside

5 favorite TV shows:

- Girlfriends (People say I'm like William, plus it's one of the only decent shows on UPN)
- Almost any news programs
- Judging Amy
- Stanley Nelson documentary's
- Law and Order

5 bad habits:

- I am sometimes too nice
- I am sometimes too forgiving
- I am sometimes talk toooooooooooooooooo much
- I can become easily distracted
- I sometimes put other people before myself

5 biggest joys:

- my family
- helping people
- teaching people
- my friends
- my old schools ( I like them better than my new one)

5 fictional characters I would date:

- Joy Bryant
- Robinne Lee
- Kerry Washington
- Vivian Green
- Alicia Keys

5 people I tag to do this:

Whoever

Thursday, November 03, 2005

Oooh that's going to hurt!

So I just got finished registering for spring classes
and if my schedule stays the same I will feel a
hurting on Monday's and Wednesday's.

Monday

8:00-8:50 TH Intro to Theology

9:00-9:50 CM (Communications) Journalism: Basic News
Writing

11:00-11:50 CM (Communications) Art of Argument

03:00-04:15 SC (Sociology) American Society

Tuesday

12:15-01:30pm PL (Philosophy) Philosophical
Perspectives: Project of Modernity

Wednesday

8:00-8:50 TH Intro to Theology

9:00-9:50 CM (Communications) Journalism: Basic News
Writing

11:00-11:50 CM (Communications) Art of Argument

03:00-04:15 SC (Sociology) American Society

Thursday

12:15-01:30pm PL (Philosophy) Philosophical
Perspectives: Project of Modernity

Friday

8:00-8:50 TH Intro to Theology

9:00-9:50 CM (Communications) Journalism: Basic News
Writing

11:00-11:50 CM (Communications) Art of Argument

The only good thing about this schedule are Tuesday's
and Thursday's and the fact that my off campus work
schedule can stay the same. Now trying to device an
anchoring schedule for myself and for the radio
station will be another thing!



__________________________________
Yahoo! Mail - PC Magazine Editors' Choice 2005
http://mail.yahoo.com

FOOD FOR THOUGHT

LoL so I was thinking today how people often ask me 1) do you have a girlfriend? And then I thought about how dating in the grand scheme of things isn't all that important. HaHa I definitely sound like a single person saying that. But on the real my priorities should really lie in my becoming the type of man I can always be proud of and in making my family proud. Then I thought a little bit more about how when I had a gf it was all well and good, and when my relationship ended and I didn't have a gf I was mildly depressed, then I thought oh the drama. And I reflected on my time with Alisha whose my most recent ex, and how I always told her she was inaffectionate, and how eventually she told me she loved me, and I think that having heard that has made my not having her as part of my life hurt even more, and then I realized that I really don't tell the people I love, I love them, because I fear hurt, and I fear the fact that it sometimes hurt too much to love people and then have to loose them, then I read this:

"Too Young to Loose My Mother"

I WANTED to be mad at her.

But I couldn't.

For the first time in 23 years, my mom missed my birthday.

Every Sept. 30, I'd always get a call in the wee hours of the morning.

"Happy birthday, baby girl!" my mother would say
enthusiastically. "Was I the first to say it?"

After wiping the sleep from my eyes, I would thank her for the
gesture.

On my birthday this year, I didn't get a call or a card from my
mother.

She died in August.

She was 59.

Since we lived about an hour apart, my mother and I didn't see each
other daily. Nor did we talk every day on the phone.

I was always busy chasing after some boy or watching my favorite TV
show, and didn't make time to call.

I figured I could always talk to her later.

I took for granted all the little things I never knew I'd have to
miss.

The birthday calls, her sweet potato pies and the embarrassing way
she used to tell everyone she met that I was her baby.

I miss her high-pitched laugh and her fussing at me for having dirty
dishes in the sink when she'd come over to visit.

My mother had been sick for some time, recovering from a major
stroke. The stroke hit her language center, which is in the back of
the brain.

So for 10 months, she couldn't verbally communicate or move the right
side of her body.

But she could smile and cry.

And she did every time I went to see her in her hospital room.

I'd tell her all the things that were going on in my life and the
world.

When I told her I got a raise, she smiled.

When I told her I had a new boyfriend--and that my dad likes him--she
smiled.

When I told her Bush won the election, she cried.

That's what she was doing the last time I saw her alive.

I don't think she wanted me to leave her room that day. I wonder if
she knew she wouldn't see me again.

The next time I saw her, she was lying peacefully in her mauve
casket, surrounded by flowers.

No smile, no tears, no more pain.

The hardest part of losing my mother was the closing of her casket.

At that moment, it hit me that I would never, ever see her again.

My mother won't be at my wedding.

My mother won't see my first home.

My mother will never meet any of her grandchildren.

And never again will my mother call me to say, "Happy birthday, baby
girl!"

The more I think of my mom, the more I think about the prime moments
I missed of her life.

I could've gone to church with her that Sunday she asked. I could
have taken that hour drive to have dinner with her one weekend. And I
could have picked up the phone.

If I could do it again, I'd do all those things she wanted me to do--
even have the dishes washed before she came over.

That's why I make it a point now to call my father every morning and
before I go to bed.

I stop by his house about once a week just to see how he's doing--and
what he cooked for dinner.

He recently told me it's OK to shed tears for my mother.

And I do.

I heard that every time I cry, it means she's thinking of me.

She must think of me often.

Rest in peace, Ola Mullins Smith.



To reach PORTSIA SMITH: 540/374-5419 psmith@freelancestar.com

KNOW THAT EVEN IF I DON'T SAY IT, I LOVE YOU AND I APPRECIATE ALL THAT YOU DO FOR ME, YES YOU. REALLY, ALL OF YOU OUT THERE WHO HAVE OFFERED ME YOUR LOVE, YOUR LOYALTY, AND YOUR FRIENDSHIP!

Christopher aka CNEL

Wednesday, November 02, 2005

Got a Stalker?

Current mood: geeking

Okay so today I found a new guilty pleasure, maybe that's not the correct word choice, I actually found a new source of entertainment. So I was out and about with my aunt and my cousin running some errands, doing a little gift shopping for a co-worker who has an upcoming baby shower. My aunt is the one who told me about my new source of entertainment, it's a show which I heard on WHUR, "The Michael Baisden Show,"and it's one of the craziest things I've heard in a long time. Baisden who has authored "Never Satisfied: How and Why Men Cheat", "Men Cry in the Dark", and "Gods Gift to Women" is a "nut" as we call "crazy" yet "hella fun" people. Baisden is regarded by some as a chauvinist but for the most part he keeps it real no matter how outrageous he may get. Today's topic was stalkers those who stalk and those who have been stalked. Some here's some things I took away from the discussion:

The Host:

"If a man or woman put's it down then it's over...Crazy women having flashbacks of how good it was, Crazy men saying I can't let it go." -Mr. Baisden

"Some people are "Crazy" (Cray-z) and "Deranged" (Da-ranged)." -Michael Baisden

"Women don't stalk men when the loving is bad....What you did was you gave her the kapaya...Give her the PG-13 love don't give her the kapaya."

The Callers:

"I luded that woman."

"If they got one main woman, then that's who they should be dealing with."

"I told him to get out and he stabbed my tires."

"I carved my initials in his car so he would know that it was me who did it."

"Men are worser than women."

So the question is do you have stalker potential? If someone dogged you out, would you be a stalker? I myself am not a stalker nor have I ever been. I am however a reporter which means I have access to information LoL. JK. I myself do not have stalker potential, but I can't say the same for my family, and we do take care of our own LoL.

Tuesday, November 01, 2005

Some Things I Am and Some Things I Am Not

My Inspiration came from posts by Mashaun and E Hill (Check them out they're linked on the side of this blog)

I am not: as outgoing as people may think
I hurt: when I feel my hardwork or my kindness go unnoticed
I love: spending time with family and friends
I hate: disrespectful people and when ignorance is perpetuated
I hope: that I end up with a graduate degree (journalism or law), and having atleast had the chance to show ____________ the type of man I know I can be (Who knows? Maybe our chance is yet to come)
I hear: things but I usually ask people to repeat themselves so I won't misinterpret or misunderstand what was said
I regret: falling so hard for someone who wasn't good for me in the least
I cry: rarely
I care: about my family, my friends, and anyone I really feel is respectful of me and is respectable
I always: try and thank God for something or someone a few times during the day
I long to: be successful and fulfilled
I feel alone: a lot more then I should considering I'm always for the most part near people
I listen: to music and still don't really remember lyrics
I hide: my emotions more than I shouldI drive: HaHa I ride: whatever will get me from place to place
I sing: songs I make up or stuff that pops in my mind from gospel to R &B to hip hop
I dance: rarely, I am the only "rhythmless black man I know"
I write: a decent amount and farely well
I breathe: a lot better than I did when I had severe childhood ashtma
I play: almost never cause I'm not one for games
I miss: a lot of the people I went to high school with
I search: for knowledge and wisdom
I say: a lot of things that I probably shouldn't
I feel: underappreciated at times
I succeed: because I believe in myself and my ability to only get better
I fail: when I am more theortetical and philosophical than I am practical, when I'm inactive and not active
I dream: during the day and they're vivid, but the ones from at night I rarely remember
I sleep: in lounge pants or boxers depends on if I'm being lazy
I wonder: what life would be like if I weren't single and if I had grown up with a father
I want: to become the man I was meant to be, and know for sure that I ended up doing what I was destined to do, and being who I was destined to be
I worry: about not being true to myself, and being judged unfairly
I have: life, family, some decent friends, and a desire to stay on the grind
I give: good advice, and of myself unconditionally
I fight: only when necessary
I wait: for the days when I won't worry so much
I am: honest, reliable, extremely caring, sensitive, and passionate
I can't: ride a bike (Go ahead and laugh till you cry cause it's the first thing that came to mind)
I stay: putting myself out there, but oh well