Impossible is Impossible

This blog is my way of reflecting upon life. Life is about living and learning. As I live and learn I’m going to reflect upon this life I lead. Hopefully I'll offer something insightful with my postings. If you learn nothing else from me, know this that “impossible is impossible”.

Sunday, January 28, 2007

Words of the Week

C/O Tavis Smiley's Empowerment Cards

Sunday- "You have the ability to attract into your life all your wants and needs by following the Five D's: Decide what you want, Determine to make it happen. Diligently Do everything in your power to achieve the goal, and Detach yourself from the result."

Monday- "Each obstacle you overcome is a stepping stone on your path to greatness. Appreciate the obstacle, for it empowers you to courageously face future barriers in your quest for success."

Tuesday- "For better of for worse, you're responsible for everything in your past and future. Don't blame your parents, your teachers, or your boss. Take it on yourself."

Wednesday- "Be open, honest, and honorable in all your endeavors. Establish high standards, principles, and values for yourself, then kick it up a level. In everything you do, be true to you."

Thursday-" We are all here for a purpose. Meditate on your mission, then use your gifts and talents to live your life on purpose. In doing s, you will become an unending magnet for miracles."

Friday- "Stand up for what you believe in. Don't be afraid to ask, and sometimes fight, for what you believe is right. Act consciously and deliberately to create the society in which you want to live."

Saturday-"Rehasing in your mind the negative events of your past leads to mental and physical dis-ease. Face forward and change your mind chatter. Only you have the power to control your thoughts. Choose thoughts that evoke, love, laughter, and happiness."

Sunday- "Let go of the past, let go of the fear, and let go of the regret. Let yourself flow with the love, prosperity, and happiness you now claim for yourself."

This Week

So every week that I remember LoL, I'll do a review of "This Week" I'll share

A good thing, A bad thing, A sad thing, A happy thing

Some will be embarrassing, some will be weird, some will be random. Bear with me, I was told that I'm "uptight", that I take myself seriously, and that I need to laugh at myself so here goes.

A good thing: I got asked to send a work sample for an internship that I really want.

A bad thing: I have to rely on others to help me get my work sample in order.

A sad thing: Both my jobs cut my hours, so I'm going to be broke as a joke. Oops my Mommy tells me to say "financially challenged" like there's a big difference.

A happy thing: I got the interview that I wanted, even though it means I edit the doggone story myself. I still created an idea, carried it out, and am seeing it through.

Friday, January 26, 2007

Reporter's Notebook

I'd like better nothing else than the opportunity to develop, report, and produce my own stories. The reality is that I have other obligations and responsibilities. I am a full-time student and I work part-time. The reality is that the news business is a team sport, an extremely competitive team sport. The reality is that no matter how much I detest relying on other people, I exist as part of a team. I've been reminded that at the end of the day my responsibility remains the same. I am obligated to ensure that the stories I report are accurate, honest, compelling, and informative. My stories must be relavent to the public. Journalism is truly a public service. No matter how the industry changes, how newsgathering changes, I still owe it to those who get their news from me to give them an excellent story. People think that just because I work at a college station, I shouldn't take my job so seriously. My philosophy is this: the news is always serious business. I cannot control what others do, but I can damn sure give my best.

This week has been a rough one for me. I've had to get up, pull myself together, and go out on my own to report the news. My motivation for this week: begin putting together a story that highlight leadership development of young women. I chose to highlight the Institute of Notre Dame, the high school of the new speaker of the United States House of Representatives.







Pic 1 IND entrance
Pic 2 Latin translation "Excellence & Knowledge" or "Excellence and Skill"
Pic 3 "IND Way" sign
Pic 4 A handmade sign
Pic 5 Speaker Pelosi's Great Niece

Wednesday, January 24, 2007

Frustrated

Why can't people just do what I ask them to do?

Why can't they just give me what I want?

Why do they make my life difficult and then it become my problem, my fault, my responsibility?

I don't treat people as if their time isn't valuable, or if they aren't valuable, so why do I get treated this way?

This is why I hate relying on others?

And people want to talk about teamwork?

Puuhhhhleassssse!

I'm officially frustrated.

Sunday, January 21, 2007

Dedicated or Deranged

I don't know if I'm dedicated or deranged.

So a few hours ago I DJed for an hour at the campus radio station, something I thought I'd done for the last time back in December. Anywho a friend's kind word convinced me to try and do it through apple. My friend Robyne told me that I'm a softie.

J's going to lecture me about "Taking time for C" I feel it coming on but.

Seriously I am beginning to question whether I'm dedicated or deranged?

I am supposed to go visit a school tomorrow for a few hours to do an interview or two for a story. I am supposed to be there at around 7:30 am, which means leaving campus at 6:30am, cause I have to take the bus. I haven't quite figured out if I'm dedicated or deranged?

I think my problems would be solved if I practiced driving, and became insured by the school. Then I could just borrow school vehicles. But I haven't driven in forever. Is it really like riding a bike? He wonders. Hmmm.

Anyway I must make sure I have $3.50 for the bus, then read for Philosophy, so I can go to sleep.

Here's wishing everyone a great week. I'm definitely hoping mine has a good beginning, middle, and an end.

P.S. I "misplaced" I don't want to say the four letter L word, my Ciara cd. I hope that its found, cause if not I'll be sad. I really like that cd.

Below what I'm going to use to pep myself up this week. Yes, this video:


I walk about as fast as Ernest J. Frye except I have man booty LoL.

Words of the Week

Sunday-" Successful people are always looking for opportunities to help others. Unsuccessful people are always asking, What's in it for me?"-Brian Tracy

Monday- "At the end of the day, we can endure much more than we think we can. "-Frida Kahlo

Tuesday- "Work like you don't need the money. Dance like no one is watching.And love like you've never been hurt."-Mark Twain

Wednesday-"You can sit around and wait for the good things to happen to you, or you can go out and make them happen." -Unknown

Thursday-" It isn't whether you get knocked down, it's whether you get back up."-Vince Lombardi

Friday- "I read somewhere, the reason most relationships break down is that each partner is waiting for the other to fix it. But if you want somebody to stand by you always, you have to be willing to do the same for them, even when they're acting like an idiot."-Unknown

Saturday-"Put yourself in a state of mind where you say to yourself, "Here is an opportunity for me to celebrate like never before, my own power, my own ability to get myself to do whatever is necessary." - Anthony Robbins

Saturday, January 20, 2007

Do I Really Want to Work in T.V. News?



Wednesday, January 17, 2007

Christopher's Theory or "The Dating" ?

So let me just say that Lauren Ashleigh is one of the best writers I've come across. She keeps me enthralled, entertained, and most importantly engaged. Homegirl needs to be a screenwriter, because some T.V. and film scenes aren't written as well as she writes her scenarios. Homie's on point, big ups to the girl.

So LaLa's most recent entry addressed the subject of dating. When I say "we" it's because La suggests its moreso Generation Y, she wonders "Y" Generation "Y" doesn't date. It seems to be a phenomenon specifically affecting a segment of that generation, being even more specifically the Boomerangers (those born between 77-86). It would seem that we don't go out on dates, we don't "go steady." (Forgive me because for years I could have swore I heard "go study". I always thought "going study" was symbolized by the guy carrying the girls books, and going off to study. We all know even amongst our parents studying isn't what happened. Sidetrack Bob but it made me laugh and I needed one. Now back to the important stuff.)

Guys my age and yes some ladies too are doomed by The "LAW OF AVERAGES"

Law of Averages-

Think back to "The Phantom Zone" applied equally or unequally by men and women:

From www.brothersmanlaw.blogspot.com (10-17-06)

"When a woman meets a man they have three categories to place a man into:

A. Guys they want to immediately have sex with;
B. Guys they might be interested in having sex with;
C. Guys who will forever be emasculated into "friends" (translation: no sex -- ever -- no matter what you do or how hard you try.)"

This theory can have sex removed and be applied more broadly. One can easily decide who are, "Guys or girls he or she is interested in, could be inerested in, or won't ever be interested in."

Once you categorize people and break them into groups, ones you're not interested in or not interested in, the law of averages should kick in. There should be atleast one dateable person. Sometimes the "Law of Averages" kicks you in the ass, and you're left with none.

Other times dating just isn't a part of some people, particularly some guy's "investment strategies".

Investmet Strategy-

There's a strategy which guys employ when we need, want, or desire something. We're willing to do a lot more to get the most on our investment. We want the most "bang for our buck", and sometimes just bang without spending bucks. Thus acknowledging as true La's theory that its the era of "random hookups" and "one night stands."

At the end of the day everyone wants a return on their investment.

Reciprocals-

There's a need for reciprocity, a reciprocal, no not the inverse of a fraction, a reciprocal meaning something which is shared by both sides. We sometimes lose hope when there isn't the promise of reciprocity not in terms of resources (time, money, or effort) expended, but in terms of receiving some sort of benefit in that we can't be sure we'll have stable friendships, nevermind stable relationships as the result of a date.

So therefore we don't even try.

Then there is the existence of the "problematic equation".

Problematic Equation-

This exists because we don't have simple equations
romantic ideas + romance in practice = romantic experiences (i.e. dates).

*Romantic Ideas- We don't remember those good old days when people had "real" dates, cause many of us just haven't had them.

*Romance in Practice- We're too caught up in everything else, that we can't focus on fulfilling experiences "for two".

*Romantic Experiences- Are no longer as special, cause people are too focused on being butt buddies (I would have used that less friendly F word, but this is a family affair).

And for an even simpler answer we want the buddy or the booty, and not both. Therefore dating is seen as too costly.

** Forgive me if this was a bit academic in nature haha, I just had my first classes for the semester. I was also inspired to blog because one of my classes I am taking solely because I wanted to improve my writing on this blog, I'm not even kidding. Also, I'm not taking any sociology classes, so I got to keep them skills fresh! :-)

Sunday, January 14, 2007

"The Pursuit of Happyness"

So I cried yesterday at the end of "The Pursuit of Happyness" and I was like whoa.

Then I saw this tribute by Jada Pinkett Smith to her husband and I cried again.

Words of the Week

Sunday- "Not everything that can be counted counts, and not everything that counts can be counted."
-Albert Einstein (attributed)

Monday-"Darkness cannot drive out darkness; only light can do that. Hate cannot drive out hate; only love can do that."
-Martin Luther King Jr.

Tuesday-"A life spent making mistakes is not only more honorable, but more useful than a life spent doing nothing."
-George Bernard Shaw

Wednesday- "One who knows much about others may be learned, but one who understands himself is more intelligent. One who controls others may be powerful, but one who has mastered himself is mightier still."
-Lao-Tzu

Thursday-"The things we truly love stay with us always, locked in our hearts as long as life remains."
-Josephine Baker

Friday-"The price one pays for pursuing any profession, or calling, is an intimate knowledge of its ugly side."
-James Baldwin

Saturday-"I am certainly not an authority on love because there are no authorities on love, just those who've had luck with it and those who haven't."
-Bill Cosby

Friday, January 12, 2007

The Doctor's

Goodmorning.

So I went to the doctor's yesterday for my yearly physical.

Apparently I'm shrinking I went from 5'10 1/2 to 5'10 even.

I'm also getting bigger over 200 lbs., but I am apparently down from my big boy days. The doc showed me the chart and everything, LoL. Why did the doctor saying "you're weight is good, you used to be above average, but now you're average." I wanted say some things such as "I'm a grown man, I can eat what I want to," but I didn't.

The doc insisted that I use condoms, wear a seat belt, and visit the dentist.

And in other news this day, according to this site Global Rich List, based on my earned income, I'm the 882,964,646 richest person in the world. This puts me in the top TOP 14.71% richest people in the world. I guess I can't cry broke, but ya'll know I still will.

Have a great start to the weekend.

Thursday, January 11, 2007

Working

I've been working like a madman trying to get stories on the air.

Click on the link to hear the first story I'll get to air when school resumes next week.

After tomorrow I'm taking the last few days of my vaca.

Holla.

Monday, January 08, 2007

There Are Times

(Note: Click on the title of this entry to hear one of my fave stories. It was the first story I recorded, wrote, and edited. It's also one of the stories which allowed me to do the workshop with NPR.)

Robyne (8:11:47 PM): hm, speaking of overacheiving, where do you see yourself in 10 years?
stormyc14 (8:12:10 PM): lol haha where'd that come from?!
Robyne (8:13:01 PM): I'm contemplating where I see myself in 10 years
stormyc14 (8:16:25 PM): lol mmm k let's see 10 yrs from now i will be 30 about to be 31 i will have done one of the following
1) if i stick with journalism i will have either become an producer for either a top 25 market....be reporting in a top 50 market....or be working at the network level........
2) if i pursue education i'll likely be working as an admissions officer or diversity officer at a prep school or college.....
3) and if neither of those i will have applied to law school gotten in somewhere and will likely have a law degree and be working for a non profit.....
i will no matter what the job likely be single....living on the east coast..........travelling as much as possible for pleasure and to visit family and friends
Robyne (8:18:16 PM): ooo eternal bachelor
Robyne (8:19:55 PM): hm so many career choices
Robyne (8:20:04 PM): when do you think you'll have to pick one
stormyc14 (8:20:09 PM): lol before may 2008 haha
Robyne (8:20:23 PM): so jury is still out?
stormyc14 (8:21:00 PM): basically it may depend on if i intern this summer and where
Robyne(8:21:20 PM): what do you like more?
stormyc14 (8:21:36 PM): lol i could honestly see myself doing any of the above

Where will I be in a week, next year? I don't know, so I can't possibly imagine where I'll be ten years from now. I guess it depends on how bad I want whatever I set my mind to do. How bad do I want it? That will be the question.

There are times when it seems like I'm making a difference, and there are times when I feel like I'm doing too much for nothing.

Waking up at 7:15 this morning was way before I planned, especially given the fact I didn't go to bed until sometime after 3:00 am. I guess I was excited for my interview. I had been slated to conduct a phone interview this morning. My school is hosting a symposium to discuss the life and work of the Reverend Dr. Martin Luther King Jr. In addition the symposium will address the state of urban education, and how to bring about social justice in the near future. My job is to interview the two keynote speakers to be featured at next week's symposium. We'll air the interviews and put them on the station website. Well I have one interview down, and another one was slated for this morning. It didn't happen though I prepared my questions last night and went in an hour ahead of time. Now I'm a little ticked at all the effort I put in, for nothing.

Well I'm off to babysit some kids. Ummmm the joys of being an extended day counselor. Got to love it, right?!

Sunday, January 07, 2007

Break Is Nearly Over

I am becoming sad...

1) We went from 70 degree weather to rain. Uh I don't like the rain.

2) I am now beginning my countdown until my break is over and the new semester begins.

Everybody returns to campus a week from today.

School starts in nine days.

I'm not ready for work, awww, just not ready.

All I want to do is fast forward to May, start summer break, and become a senior.

3) Anyway the weekend has come to an end.

This weekend I went to the mall.
How about I'm getting too old for the mall? It seems like the people there are either 13 or 45.

I also had the opportunity to talk to my best female friend D Lovely. I'm so mad that we didn't see each other over break. But that just means I may head to Florida to visit her at school over spring break. She's in Jacksonville and I've never been to Florida, so it would be fun.

D Lovely did leave me with some world class phrases:
When someone does something we deem a lil peculiar "Interesting" said with every bit of sarcasm one can muster.

Then there was the addition to the previous of "Ponder on that." So then you get, "Interesting, ponder on that." Everytime she said it I would burst into laughter. Okay maybe I'll peculiar.

But this is my new phrase I'll be saying from now on, when someone is being annoying, overstepping their bounds "Get out my life" or "Mayn, get out my life."

I also learned that the college athletes call us non-athletes "stupid regulars." I was thinking dag thats harsh.
^^^That's a throwback picture from a few years back, we're both still just as sexy.^^^

I also had the opportunity to talk to another friend from high school. She makes me laugh only because every time we talk, she brings up the fact that her boyfriend said that if they weren't dating, she'd be dating me. It's so funny, cause its so weird.

^^^^^ This girl is just funny, super smart too but more so funny^^^^
Lastly I went out with some other friends to Mari Luna's. My friends were hating cause I had a chicken caesar salad. Ummm if I'm paying I don't experiment haha. But no I love chicken caesar salads, haha.
I did however split sopapilla's (sopapilla = Fried flour tortilla with caramel and powder sugar topping) with my girl LaLa and also we split the sangria tea (it's pictured below it tastes like a mix between apple and orange juice, and it has apple chunks which La ate each and everyone!)

^^^^ Urs truly LaLa and Britt^^^^


^^Britt and Ryan (he's LaLa's twin and Britt's man)^^
Note: They're cute but they make me sick, just kidding!



^^^B.......Terrell....... and Tyrell^^^

Aiight time to clean my room, type up some interview questions in case I have to do this interview tomorrow, and get ready to return to the kids. I head back to the school where I work tomorrow.
Have a great start to the week.
-C


Words to Ponder

Sunday- We are living art,created to hang on, stand up,
forbear, continue,and encourage others.
- Maya Angelou

Monday- "I am enough of an artist to draw freely upon my imagination. Imagination is more important than knowledge. Knowledge is limited. Imagination encircles the world."
- Albert Einstein

Tuesday-"It isn't where you came from, it's where you're going that counts."
- Ella Fitzgerald

Wednesday- "Words mean nothing. Action is the only thing. Doing. That's the only thing."
Ernest J. Gaines

Thursday- "History will be kind to me, for I intend to write it." -- Winston Churchill

Friday-"Leadership is the wise use of power. Power is the capacity to translate intention into reality and sustain it."
- Warren Bennis

Saturday- "Every day I get up and look through the Forbes list of the richest people in America. If I'm not there, I go to work
- Robert Orben

Friday, January 05, 2007

All Cised Up

I really think I was one of few people really excited to be watching C-SPAN for about three hours yesterday afternoon.

For some reason the pomp and pageantry of ceremonies such as inaugurations is fascinating to me.

I love C-SPAN.

I was sitting in my seat beaming, saying "Yea Baltimore", "Hey Down the Hill," then it switched to "Ciao Bella".

For those of ya'll who don't know the 66 year old Italian American mother, grandmother, wife, politican Nancy Pelosi, the new Speaker of the House is from B-more. Yea Baltimore.

I'm such a "womanist" (that's a C-NEL original). I'm a womanist thanks to being raised by the women of my family.

Stormyc14 (12:14:55 AM): i'm like the only black person in baltimore who knows who nancy pelosi is, and its a damn shame
LilBrownEyes07 (12:15:21 AM): yea iono who that is
Stormyc14 (12:16:14 AM): lol she's the speaker of the house of representatives, lol the most powerful woman in the world cause if bush and cheney died, she'd be president, oh and even tho she from california she grew up in baltimore, what what
LilBrownEyes07 (12:16:44 AM): ha ha...oooh.
LilBrownEyes07 (12:16:46 AM): yea who cares
LilBrownEyes07 (12:16:48 AM): lol ololol sike
Stormyc14 (12:16:55 AM): ur ignant ass
LilBrownEyes07 (12:17:40 AM): hah
Stormyc14 (12:18:07 AM): u should be rejoicing and it means women gaining positions of power and privilege
LilBrownEyes07 (12:18:32 AM): Oh. joy!
LilBrownEyes07 (12:18:37 AM): yea, that was exciting
Stormyc14 (12:18:40 AM): lol i hate u


I will only be a fan of the new Speaker of the House as long as she represents, if she doesn't represent than ummmm.

In other news:

I am back at school. Well actually I never left, but I'm now working. How come I didn't know that I was considered staff? I'm actually in the staff directory. Does this mean I can now ask for the staff discount at the cafe? I am in my last few months as news director at the campus radio station.

They are already killing me: 1) I am packaging and editing some interviews I did a minute ago before my travel schedule became nuts, 2) I'm doing phone interviews with the speakers for a symposium being hosted in honor of MLK 3) I'm recording a promo and coordinating an interview with the speaker for this year's convocation.

I was so lost as to how to package one of the stories. Then I remembered it wasn't about what I wanted to say, but rather what the subject was saying. My job was to make sure his story is being told.

Oh and before I go there has been a Facebook Group erected in my honor:

Information

Group Info
Name:
CNEL needs love too
Type:
Just for Fun - Inside Jokes
Description:
Well you see, Chris is going through a transitional moment in life and what better thing for him to have than a ride or die chick by his side? Well see that's the problem. He doesn't have one, but needs and would love to have one...so the point is CNEL NEEDS SOME LOVE IN HIS LIFE TOO...let's make it happen for him yall...<3
Contact Info
State:
MD
Recent News
CNEL hasn't been on a date in a while, let's help him with this issue

http://www.facebook.com/group.php?gid=2228518238

HaHa have a great end to the week!

Wednesday, January 03, 2007

"I Don't Dream"

Many moons ago, yes I did say many moons ago, I remember sitting in a World Religion class. On the day in question we had a substitute and in between talk of Buddhism, Christianity, Islam, and Judaism we somehow got on the subject of dreams. People began talking about the frequency of their dreams, what they dreamt, and the like. I said with all seriousness, "I don't dream." I didn't say that to say that I don't have dreams and aspirations, but that whatever dreams I have while alseep I don't hold onto.

"It's not that you don't dream, everyone dreams. It's just that you don't remember your dreams."-My teacher said in his Australian accent

Even now I often don't remember what I dreamt, even if I do remember dreaming something.

So the other day when I dreamt my mother was driving, and I was outside giving her instructions on parking, she says I should have woke my behind up. My mother doesn't drive, has never driven, and doesn't want to learn. She says her "future husband" will be her driver. Okay moms.

The other part of the dream involved "the ex", I say "the ex" because she was the one with whom I had the longest of any sort of relationship. We had known each other since 8th grade, and dated for two months midway through my freshman year in college. I guess it was something that needed to happen for me to grow. She went from being the "untouchable" to the one I couldn't go without touching. She rendered me my first heartache and heartbreak. Anyway the dream involved us crossing paths, only this time we had to confront our past. I couldn't walk away, and she couldn't let me just walk away. Somehow we walked and talked. Then she began climbing this ladder she stopped and looked down at me, and I stood at the bottom looking up. Finally we got to the point where we both apologized to each other. Me for giving up so easily. Her for leading me to believe certain things about the reality of our relationship. We kissed and we left open the possibility of trying again. And get this and then from nowhere her baby (yes, she did go and have a baby on me) entered the picture. Ummm given that our lives have changed diametrically, don't think that last part will be happening. I haven't quite figured out the intended message of the dream. There will be no dysfuctional version of "The Cosby Show" happening with ol CNEL, no, not now, not ever, never.

"True love is neither physical nor romantic. True love is an acceptance of all that is, that has been, that willor even will not be."

I don't know if God was saying to me that we will reconcile, if I was being reminded of the importance of forgiveness, if I was being shown that my fortunes would change for the better. Lord, I pray all the above are true.

Or it could be a message to buy a dream book and go try my luck with "The Big Game".

P.S. Boy, can I relate to this song?

India Arie's "This Too Shall Pass"

An excerpt:
The one that loved me the most
Turned around and hurt me the worse
I’m doing my best to move on
But the pain just keeps singing me songs

My head and my heart are at war
Cause love ain't happening the way I wanted
Feel like I’m about to break down
Can’t hear the light at the end of the tunnel

So I pray for healing in my heart
To be put back together what is torn apart
And I pray for quiet in my head
That I can hear clearly what God says

Then I hear the whisper that this too shall pass
I hear the Angels whisper that this too shall pass
My ancestors whisper that this day will one day be the past
So I walk in faith that this too shall pass

All of sudden I realize
That it only hurts worse to fight it
So I embrace my shadow
And hold on to the morning light

This Too Shall Pass
This Too Shall Pass
This Too Shall Pass
This (This) Too (Too) Shall (shall) Pass (Pass)
This Too Shall Pass This Too Shall Pass
I hear the angels whisper that trouble don't have to last always
I hear the angels whisper
Even the day after tomorrow will one day be yesterday.
I hear my angels whisper.
I hear my angels whisper.
This too shall pass.

"We compromise on our happiness by trying to do too much"

Epsi and I had an IM convo:

epsilonicus (1:02:17 AM): she is really sweet and genuine
stormyc14 (1:02:35 AM): damn sweet and geniune haha thats on the list for an ideal wife
epsilonicus (1:02:54 AM): remember, u are not getting married unles it is to grace or lauren
stormyc14 (1:03:05 AM): lol
stormyc14 (1:03:17 AM): haha u have me laughin out loud, glad no one else is here but me lol
epsilonicus (1:03:36 AM): wow
epsilonicus (1:03:39 AM): im glad too
epsilonicus (1:03:46 AM): u roommate would think u are crazy
stormyc14 (1:04:09 AM): lol
stormyc14 (1:04:14 AM): already thinks that haha
epsilonicus (1:07:13 AM): we compromise on our happiness by trying to do too much
epsilonicus (1:07:19 AM): jameil told me to tell u that

In that conversation I was reminded of this:
"We compromise on our happiness by trying to do too much..."