The Lesson's Learned

So last night the day after Thanksgiving I sat in my room all by my lonesome just thinking. As I sat on my bed I listened to the silence. I am sometimes reminded that silence is beauty, there is something awe inspiring about silence. The silence didn't last long, because soon I picked up the phone to call a friend. I remembered that I had promised to return a call. It wasn't long before our conversation was interrupted by the beep from an intersecting phone call:

"I'll call you back," I said for a second time. "It's my CB (Cuddle Buddy) and I have to talk to her."

Candance and I had seen each other briefly before Thanksgiving Break so I knew that she might be having a somewhat rough holiday. Before we left to come home she'd been faced with the prospect of introducing her boyfriend to her dad. While Candance felt it was necessary her boyfriend was anxious, and the more she thought about it, the more nervous she too became. This already tense situation was confounded by the fact that she had been developing feelings for someone, not me Thank God, I don't need to be involved in a love triangle. This other guy was a friend of Candace's. For some reason this strange attraction was developing between the two of them. Now normally this may have only been a slight problem, but the two of them were both involved in long distance relationships. Their curiousity got the best of them and they kissed not once but twice. In the back of their minds they knew it was wrong, but neither one of them chose to stop themselves. Wanting to see what could happen and what would happen became their latest fascination and fixation. They both found themselves crossing the line and forgetting the boundary which exists, or the boundary which should exist. Candance knew what had to be done, she had to get right with herself, by making things right with her boyfriend.

She told him the truth. She had crossed the line. She had strayed emotionally and physically. She tried to explain herself, but that couldn't undo the damage which had already been done. She'd hurt herself, but even worst she'd hurt someone else. They broke up. Part of her was relieved that she could tell the truth, that she wasn't holding back, but only part of her felt changed for the better. Telling the truth not only changed her existence, but his as well. It wasn't until she saw his pain, and felt his pain that she realized how much pain she herself was just beginning to feel.

"I feel like such a bad person."
" I don't know why I couldn't control myself."
"I don't feel like I can trust myself anymore."

Those are all words she uttered. That's how she felt.

The angst was real, the anxiety, the frustration, the regret, the sadness, and the disappointment.

So I told her that she wasn't a bad person, but that what she done was bad. I told her that curioisity had gotten the best of her, and that it was only natural. I told her what I knew to be true. "We all hold onto the ideal of what a perfect relationship...We all hope that we can true to another person and to treat them how they deserve to be treated." I told her what I felt, "Perfection is an ideal, but it's just that an ideal because it'll never be a reality. You tried hard to be the perfect daughter, the perfect girlfriend, and the perfect student, but we can't be perfect. We are as close to perfect as we're going to get when we live each day." I told her to believe in herself, love herself, and to most importantly forgive herself. The life we live is in real time, it's been said before that we don't get instant replays. Life is about the lessons learned.