Impossible is Impossible

This blog is my way of reflecting upon life. Life is about living and learning. As I live and learn I’m going to reflect upon this life I lead. Hopefully I'll offer something insightful with my postings. If you learn nothing else from me, know this that “impossible is impossible”.

Tuesday, August 30, 2005

Hurricane Katrina

It has been a few days since my last post. The impending end of summer is ushering in the often chaotic beginning of the new school year. I've seen a number of my cousins, friends, and others begin the new school year at their new schools. The beginning of the school year is also an important time for my mother who is a teacher's aid. She said of her assignment this year, "It's dangerous minds live." More on that in a later post.

Since last week I too have been preparing for the start of school. In a few days I'll make the less than twenty minute trek to campus and begin my sophomore year in college. Part of me thinks I should be excited, but for some reason I'm not, maybe that will change before Sunday.

The craziness of the last few days has been tempered by the presence of Hurricane Katrina in the southeastern portion of this country. As the storm moved in we didn't know what exactly to expect, but we all knew that it would be bad. The devastation caused by Hurricane Katrina has helped put things into perspective for me. Hurricane Katrina has managed to turn the lives of hundreds of thousands upside down. The storm has destroyed homes and businesses in parts of Louisiana, Mississippi, and Alabama. The simple things that we take for granted are not being provided to many of those living in those areas. While we often feel entitled to such things as safe shelter, food, and water, many people are wondering how they will survive without the very comforts afforded many of us. Many are also wondering how they will survive the next few weeks and months. Others are wondering how they can even begin to rebuild their lives. As a person my heart goes out to those who are suffering and are victims of the utter despair.

As I watch the coverage my heart breaks. I don't even think the pictures being beamed to us via the TV, the sounds coming from the radio, or the words read in newspapers and on webpages are giving us an accurate depiction of the impact of this storm. I witnessed three reports today, which definitely impacted my understanding of what is happening beyond where my eyes can see:

A replay of an intense interview with CNN correspondent Jeanne Meserve from last evening I think opened my eyes to the fact that the worst of the storm may be yet to come. As I type this there are reports that officials are trying to find a safe way to evacuate thousands from the Super Dome in New Orleans. Jeanne Meserve's reporting from last evening began to shine the light on what is a very dangerous situation.


NewsNight with Aaron Brown 8-29-05 Transcript Portion
AARON BROWN: We've mentioned several times today that rescue operations have been going on in the area east of New Orleans, suburban, exurban areas east of New Orleans. This is where a lot of people have been trapped on rooftops, trapped in attics. Authorities trying to get to them. Jeanne Meserve, who works out of our Washington bureau, has been down in that part of Louisiana this evening. And Jeanne joins us, I'm certain, by telephone, right?
JEANNE MESERVE, CNN CORRESPONDENT: That's right, Aaron.
BROWN: It's been quite a -- we don't use this word lightly, but quite a dramatic and difficult night down there, hadn't it?
MESERVE: It's been horrible. As I left tonight, darkness, of course, had fallen. And you can hear people yelling for help. You can hear the dogs yelping, all of them stranded, all of them hoping someone will come. But for tonight, they've had to suspend the rescue efforts. It's just too hazardous for them to be out on the boats. There are electrical lines that are still alive. There are gas lines that are still spewing gas. There are cars that are submerged. There are other large objects. The boats can't operate. So they had to suspend operations and leave those people in the homes. As we were driving back, we passed scores of boats, Fish and Wildlife boats that they brought in. They're flat bottomed. They've obviously going to put them in the water just as soon as they possibly can and go out and reach the people who are out there who desperately need help. We watched them, some of them, come in. They were in horrible shape, some of them. We watched one woman whose leg had been severed. Mark Biello, one of our cameramen, went out in one of the boats to help shoot. He ended up being out for hours and told horrific tales. He saw bodies. He saw where -- he saw other, just unfathomable things. Dogs wrapped in electrical -- electrical lines who were still alive that were being electrocuted. The police are having radio problems. At least they were earlier this evening. They didn't have enough boats. They put out an appeal to various police who had personal boats to bring them to the scene. But the problem was the people who had the boats couldn't get to the boats to bring them to the scene to go out and rescue the people. People are out there tonight. One of the EMS workers told us that the water is driving, and I can tell you that when we came back into the city tonight, it certainly was higher here. Whether it's rising in that neighborhood as much as it has here, I don't know -- Aaron.
BROWN: Jeanne, let me walk you through a couple of things. Are they able -- are authorities able to, in any way, communicate with these people who are stranded and scared and hungry and cold and desperate?
MESERVE: They aren't tonight. When the boats were in the water, as the boats went around through the neighborhood, they yelled. And people yelled back. But Mark, when he came back, told me that -- that some of the people, they just couldn't get to. They just couldn't get to them. They couldn't maneuver the boats in there. Because this had happened before in Hurricane Betsy, there were many people who kept axes in their homes and had them in the attic in preparation for this. Some people were able to use those axes and make holes in their roof and stick their head out or their body out or climb up completely. But many others clearly didn't have that. Most of the rescuers appeared to be carrying axes, and they were trying to hack them out as best they could to provide access and haul them out.
BROWN: I'm sorry. What...
MESERVE: There were also Coast Guard helicopters involved in it, Aaron, with the seat up (ph), flying overhead. It appears that when they saw someone on a rooftop, they were dropping flares, to try to signal the boats to get there.
BROWN: Is there any sense of -- that there's triage, that they're looking to see who needs help the worst? Or they're just -- they were just getting to whomever they could get to and get them out of there?
MESERVE: I had the distinct impression they were just getting to whoever they could get to. I talked to one fire captain who'd been out in his personal boat. He said he worked an area probably 10 square blocks. He'd rescued 75 people. He said in one instance there were something like 18 people in one house, some of them young. One, he said, appeared to be a newborn. And he said other boats were working the same area at the same time, also picking up large numbers of people. And he doesn't believe they got all of them. And that's just one 10-block area. I don't know how big the area is. I haven't been able to see any footage from the air, but it appears to go on forever. It's hard for me to comprehend how many people might be out there and how many people's lives are in jeopardy or how many people may already be dead. BROWN: It's -- it's -- just stay with me for a bit, OK? It's what is -- for everybody now, what's very difficult is there isn't what we refer to in the business as a wide shot. We can't get -- authorities can't get, we can't get, we can't give to those of you who are watching tonight that wide picture of what these scenes are like. Can you -- what kind of neighborhoods are we talking about? Are these middle class neighborhoods? Are they -- the homes structurally sound? What are we talking about?
MESERVE: Well, the area where I was, and I don't know what the other neighborhoods are like, but this was a poor neighborhood. These were very humble homes. Most of them appeared to be only one story high with, then, some small attic space above them. These people are people of not much means. Some of them, I would guess, do not have cars and didn't have the option of driving away from here. Some of them, I would guess, did not have the money that would have bought them a hotel room.
BROWN: Yes.
MESERVE: Clearly, there were many warnings to evacuate, and people were told there was shelter downtown. And I can tell you that the rescuers tell me that everybody they picked up regretted their decision to stay where they were. But clearly, getting out of their homes would not have been easy for these people.
BROWN: How far from downtown or the center of New Orleans were you working?
MESERVE: It's a little hard for me to judge, because we were traveling in such peculiar circumstances and very low rate of speed, having to maneuver around the boats that are on the -- that are on the highway. And I might mention that the -- the exit ramps and the entrance ramps to the highway are now going to be used as boat ramps to get those boats into the water to get out and rescue people. It's a little difficult for me to judge. I would guess, you know, somewhere between maybe five miles, I would say, to the east of the city.
BROWN: The -- you talked about all the water there and the boats there. Do you have any sense of how deep that water is?
MESERVE: Well, I can tell you that in the vicinity where I was, the water came up to the eaves of the house. And I was told by several rescue workers that we were not seeing the worst of it, that we were at one end of the Ward 9 part of the city and that there's another part, inaccessible by road at this point, where the road -- where the houses were covered to their rooftops. And they were having a great deal of problem gaining access down there. The rescue workers also told me that they saw bodies in that part.
BROWN: Any -- you mentioned earlier that the water seemed to get progressively deeper. The walkway from this, if you don't know, is just a question of tide moving in and tide moving out? MESERVE: Well, I can tell you that the people who were rescued with whom I had a chance to speak told me that the water came up very suddenly on them. They said most of the storm had passed and what apparently was the storm surge came. Some of them talked about seeing a little water on their floor, going to the front door, seeing a lot of water, going to the back door, seeing more bodies of water, and then barely having time to get up the stairs. One man I talked to was barefoot. He hadn't had time to put on shoes. Another woman was in her housedress and flip-flops. As for the water tonight and how fast it may be going up and down, and you know, I may not have the most current information about the tides, but I can tell you that downtown here the water seemed to be, I'd say, six inches or so deeper than it was when I left earlier this afternoon. It may be a totally situation -- different situation...
BROWN: Sure.
MESERVE: ... out where those houses are. But I can tell you, the water certainly did not appear to be going down. And one thing we saw that -- that was, oh, I just couldn't imagine being in this situation, one of the boats had managed to pick up a fairly large group of people. And it brought them in, and the only -- the only land that was above ground were some railroad tracks. And they put them there and then they had to sit there for what seemed to me to be a couple of hours before another boat could pick them up and bring them in to the highway. And then when they got to the highway, there was no truck to bring them in to the city, and they set off on foot into the city, Aaron.
BROWN: If you mentioned this, I apologize. Do you have -- and when I say you, I think people understand -- I hope people understand that it's not just you. You're working with a crew of people, a photographer and others. Do you have a sense of how many people may be stranded tonight?
MESERVE: Yes. Nobody has a sense of that. And may I say that the crew was extraordinary. We've had very difficult situations. Our cameraman is working with a broken foot since 9 a.m. this morning to try and get this story to you. Big words of praise for them and for Mark Biello, who went out and ended up in that water, trying to get the rescue boats over partially submerged railroad tracks. It was a heroic piece of work by CNN employees.
BROWN: Our thanks to you for your efforts. It -- you don't need to hear this from me, but you know, people sometimes think that we're a bunch of kind of wacky thrill seekers doing this work, sometimes, and no one who has listened to the words you've spoken or the tone of your voice could possibly think that now. We appreciate your work.
MESERVE: Aaron, thank you. We are sometimes wacky thrill seekers. But when you stand in the dark, and you hear people yelling for help and no one can get to them, it's a totally different experience.
BROWN: Jeanne, thank you. We'll talk later tonight. Thank you. Jeanne Meserve, been on the team for almost 15 years, I think. She is a very tough, capable, strong reporter, and she met her match on a story tonight.

Then there was Good Morning American anchor Robin Roberts, who is a native of the Mississippi Gulf Coast region. Roberts was dispatched to the region last night without even knowing whether her family had weathered such a powerful and brutal hurricane.

Her mother still lives in the Mississippi Gulf Coast region as does her sister Dorothy, and her sister Sally Ann is an anchor at WWL in New Orleans.

Today on Good Morning America Roberts wept after showing an interview of a Biloxi man who lost his wife in the storm.

JENNIFER MAYERLE, CORRESPONDENT, WKRG-TV: How are you doing, sir?
JACKSON: I'm not doing good.
MAYERLE: What happened?
JACKSON: The house just split in half.
MAYERLE: Your house split it half?
JACKSON: We got up in the roof, all the way to the roof, and water came. And the house just opened up and divided.
MAYERLE: Who was at your house with you?
JACKSON: My wife.
MAYERLE: Where is she now?
JACKSON: Can't find her body. She's gone.
MAYERLE: You can't find your wife?
JACKSON: No, she told -- I tried. I hold her hand tight as I could. And she told me, "You can't hold me." She said, "Take care of the kids and the grandkids."
MAYERLE: What's your wife's name, in case we can put this out there?
JACKSON: Tonelle (ph) Jackson.
MAYERLE: And, OK, and what's your name?
JACKSON: Harvey Jackson.
MAYERLE: Where are you guys going?
JACKSON: We ain't got nowhere to go. I'm lost. That's all I had. That's all I had. This is all a horrible joke.

Though Roberts said her family is okay, one can only imagine the thoughts racing through her head at that moment.

And then there was reporting by CNN's Adaora Udoji which included reports of rescues underway early in the day, and those reports had turned to reports of shootings and looting by late tonight.

With all that is happening all one can do is hope and pray for those affected, and utter a phrase which has gotten me and my family through tough times, "Peace be still."

Peace be still.

Friday, August 26, 2005

Just Thinking: A Messageboard Response

I had typed out this long response yesterday and the message board got screwed so I'll try and recreate my wisdom from yesterday.

Love is so many different things to so many different people. Some people's idea of love is another person's idea of lust and vice versa.

To me love is different depending on whom you're expected to love and the situation.

My love of my self comes because it is necessary, it is spiritual, and it is sacred.

Love for self is what allows us to love people other than ourselves.

My love of my family comes out of gratitude for their constant support, their guidance, their providing for me, and their nurturing me.

Love of family honors your heritage and your legacy.

My love of my friends comes because they teach me, they inspire me, they challenege me, and they encourage me.

Love of friends is magical, because in my mind, "true friendship is like looking God straight in the face." (Dat's all me right there ;-)!)

My love of a significant other is a choice, a choice to devote myself to becoming better, and a choice to helping someone else achieve whatever it is that they want to achieve.

Love of another man or woman is sacrifice, but a sacrifice well worth all the work, because it allows you to help someone fulfill their ultimate purpose and destiny.

-CNEL$

P.S. If I saw love on the street nothing would have to be said, all that needed to be said would be communicated to me in her gaze. While I don't know if I've ever fallen in love at first sight, I do believe that there is more than just one person for every person out there. To me love is a process, you grow to love, you don't fall in love. If you fall into something you can very easily fall out. Love to me is growth, love to me is change, love to me is evolving. Love to me is hard work but with fair expectations.

Thursday, August 25, 2005

"Date My Mom"

Today on MTV I saw the weirdest reality program entitled "Date My Mom." From what I could gather instead of going on a blind date with someone you might be compatible with you go on a blind date with their mom. When I saw today's episode I could not stop laughing. Later as I thought about the idea I cringed.

I could not imagine going out on a date with someone's mother. That would have to be one of the most abnormal experiences of my life. I also couldn't imagine someone I'm interested in going on a date with my mother.

Today's episode just happened to feature lesbians. Nothing too racy happened because it's more of a fact finding date, than a real date. The potential dater basically spends time grilling the parents of someone they might be interested in going out with. In the end based on their impressions the potential dater chooses who they will go out with. Today's episode taught me two things: 1) girls are just as vain as guys: the potential dater talked about ripping the pants off one girl she decided not to go out with; 2) the difference between butch-masculine, androgynous-both masculine and feminine, and femme-feminine.

After seeing how much of a joke dating in America seems have to become, I don't know if I at all mind being single. It seems things are so much simpler that way.

Later,
CNEL$

Wednesday, August 24, 2005

Peeping Toms

Are there ever times where you feel as if someone is looking on in your life? I mean seriously there are times when I read something, see something, or hear something and feel as if someone is really on the outside (of my life) looking in. It makes me want to yell, hey get your @spirin away from my window. But then again there are times when I feel blessed to know someone else is feeling what I'm feeling, thinking what I'm thinking, seeing what I'm seeing. The view from my window doesn't always seem quite right, and I don't want to be mainstream, or predictable, but it's good to know that sometimes I'm not completely off base.

You know who it seems has been at my window quite often this last month or so Vivian Green and Keyshia Cole. Okay, maybe it's a fantasy, but rest assured if either woman were at my window, they wouldn't be outside for long. Trust me my room would be their room. But no, for real when I first heard "Cursed," which is the bonus track of Viv Green's latest project, I immediately thought to myself "my God, she's talking about me."

Here's the masterpiece, which is "Cursed" as performed by Ms. Vivian Green:

it's been a long long time now
and I've been trying to get you outof my head, of my heart,
of my whole damn soul
this love is still lingering it's getting old
but it aint dying, it's not even trying, and I cant fight it
I just bury it at the bottom hoping you might find
you were my love, you were my first, and now this love is just a curse

I'm cursed with loving you babe it hurts cause you'll never know it
I was sent here to hopelessly love you
but you aint thinking bout me that's the torture I go through

I dont know why I even called thinking our time has come again,
cause the first time wasn't right no we were too young,
I was too serious you wanted to have fun
and now I look at us and see how good it could be if we could only get past the past and see
that the love we had was rare if we try it could last

I'll be always loving you, be always loving you

I know songs are supposed to touch you, the everyday person, but not how this song impacted me. It's even better hearing it than just reading it. Whew the sentiments the sentiments.

-CNEL$

Monday, August 22, 2005

Taking A Stand

So, Bob Costas who is now a fill-in host for "Larry King Live" on CNN decided that he didn't want to host shows which dealt with the BTK Killer and Natalee Holloway. It is being reported that Costas told execs he didn't feel comfortable hosting the program. Wow, finally a journalist who says we should be covering something else. While the sentencing of the BTK Killer is certainly newsworthy given that Dennis Rader terrorized Wichita, Kansas for the better part of three decades, it was the manner of coverage that bothered me. A great deal of time on programs on broadcast and cable networks was devoted towards this one story, when I am certain there were other important stories breaking in other places around the world. Anchors, reporters, and other pundits sat dissecting all of Rader's statements, basically giving this man even more free reign, and allowing him to gain much desired attention. Many therapists and others pointed out that Rader will be trying to gain attention and fame since he has nothing else left in this life. Even with this knowledge they kept talking about him, they kept showing his statements, and kept going back to the horror this man caused for decades.

Then there's the case of Natalee Holloway the 18 year old Florida teen who disappeared while on a graduation trip in Aruba. For close to three months Holloway has been missing and for the entire time the media's gaze has been focused on her story. Every time I see her picture I immediately begin feeling for her family, but I also remember that Natalee Holloway isn't the only young person missing, or the only young woman who was taken away from her family. On Saturday the body of Latoiya Figueroa was found outside of Philadelphia, the father of her unborn child has been charged in the case. Now a lot of us know about Latoiya but just think if the media would have devoted a LARGER fraction of the coverage to Latoiya's story, she may be alive today. And then there are countless other younger people like Mia Carter a young woman missing here in Maryland. She has been missing since June, but I didn't hear her story until I received a forward with her picture, and vital statistics. The sad reality is this, there are tons of men, women, and children who are missing all across this country. The fact is all those people are not Caucasian with blonde hair and blue eyes. The fact is these people are of different races, of different faiths, of different backgrounds, and from cities all across America. I hope that in the future we'll have journalists who care enough to tell their stories, and who are brave enough to demand parody in coverage.

Those are my thoughts as of now. -CNEL$

Sunday, August 21, 2005

A Revelation

Yesterday, I had a revelation. My revelation was this: kids are not for me.

For years really it seems I have proclaimed over and over again that I'm not having kids. There was a brief stint when I was with my ex, that I foolishly thought I would settle down and have a bunch of rugrats (2 to be exact, I wanted two girls, she wanted one boy chances are one of us was going to be disappointed), I had names picked out and everything, and yes I do remember them. I know someone out there is thinking I'm too damn young to have even been contemplating sex, marriage, kids, or any of the other issues which still confound some adults who are twice my age. Well, my friends say I'm 19 going on 50 and there are some days, when I feel I'm fast approaching the 50 mark. But really I discovered yesterday I don't think my lifestyle will allow me to have kids.

What prompted this one might ask?

Well, yesterday I took my two little cousins who I affectionately call "my daughters" to the aquarium. I had promised to spend time with "the little ladies" when I still worked at the kid's museum. Well, I picked my little cousins up at around 3:00, headed downtown on the bus I might add with a 3 3/4, and a 6 six year old. One went to sleep on the trip down, and the other tried to cut up, but I wasn't haven't it. I told them before we left their house I had no problems turning around and taking them home, I didn't want to have to strong-arm the little ones, I am a real disciplinarian. I don't take no mess.

After spending about 90 minutes at the aquarium we headed for food since "the little ladies" claimed to be hungry. Our attempts to eat at Harborplace were ruined by crowds of anime convention goers. I have never seen so many grown @ss people dressed in costumes in my life. My little 6 year old cousin looked up and asked, "What is it Halloween?" And I responded "Not quite but apparently it's on its way." We made the trek to McDonald's where my "little ladies" ate 45% of their Happy Meals (they have appetites which are the size of one of my fists). While they ate I sat and marveled at the different characters who came into the restaurant there was the typical old person, the typical homeless person, and a flamboyant gay trio who was about to be popped for trying to come onto me, as I tended to my little cousins.

As I proceeded to take the little ladies home, the older of the two started to show her @ss. I had to play the role of "mean big cousin." As we neared their house I told both the girls not to even think about going to sleep or faking sleep. Once we got to our destination I got up to walk off the bus, and they were still sitting there.

"Come on ya'll I said."
"Hold on they sleep," the gentleman sitting in front of us yelled.
"They aren't sleep." I said looking back.

With those words two pairs of little legs came jumping down the stairs and off the boss. Once again the older of the two attempted to show her @ss. After I threatened to pop her and then call her parents she settled down. As we walked to their house the youngest said this:

"Goody (that's my childhood nickname: don't laugh) you're mean."
"I'm mean."
"Yeah."
"You not my cousin no more."
"I'm not your cousin anymore," I said. "Okay."

Once I got them home they were all smiles after of course having spent their parents money and my money.

My excursion with the little ladies taught me this:

Kids are not for me because
1) They take little time to make, but they take all your time after that
2) They take a lot of money, and boy do they like to spend it.
3) They look to you for guidance, and you better get it right, they're so impressionable.
4) They have little personalities and smart mouths.
5) They are cute but not so cuddly.

I'm
1) A little selfish with my time, it's what I want, when I want it.
2) I do like spending money on people besides myself, but all the time umm no.
3) I don't want to corrupt any young minds.
4) I don't believe in beatings, whippings, or spankings, but the wrong child would probably drive me to child abuse.
5) They're fun to name, but they ill run game on you.

12 hour days....me being me....and me being there for other people....those things together probably wouldn't bode well for a family.

I guess I could always be a godfather, atleast then I could give the kids back :-)!

-CNEL$

Friday, August 19, 2005

Last Day at Work

Last Day at Work

Ok so today is the last day of my internship. This is my second summer as an intern with the Authority. This summer was by far my best professional working experience ever.

A lot of my friends said I was faking the funk, because I had free time to blog, be on Facebook, and on MySpace. Don't hate me because I can multitask, and got paid double digits to do it.

Here's the breakdown on what I've been doing for two and half months:

The Who ? I worked for the Northeast Authority, a quasi government agency, which is charged with planning waste disposal projects. We consult different Maryland counties about what to do with solid waste aka trash and recyclables.

The What ? I was the Public Relations and Communications intern, specializing in research, writing, drafting documents, coordinating events, and projects. I helped draft text for a new brochure, I wrote articles for different newsletters, and helped coordinate the Authority's participation in an upcoming festival.

The When ? June 1- August 19, Weekdays 9am to 5pm, no sick days this year, though I was tempted.

The Where? Downtown Baltimore, walking distance of the Inner Harbor, and Orioles Park at Camden Yards

The Why? Public Relations and Communications experience are invaluable given be desire to be a broadcast journalist. I can now say I've worked on both sides being that this was a PR job, and I've worked at a television station.

I'm really going to miss going to work everyday. I've been treated as a young professional and young adult should. The experiences I've gained, and the things I've learned are going to be invaluable to me. It's only on to bigger and better from here on out.

In about two hours my summer as I know it will be over. I'm not that excited about school, maybe because this summer has gone so freaking fast. Maybe the next two weeks or so will get me siked up for school.

That's all for now.
-CNEL$

Thursday, August 18, 2005

Sights, Sounds, and Smells

It has been a minute since my last post probably because I have been busy with work, and because I have been going home sleepy every day this week. Leave it to my fine bosses and co-workers to wait until my last week to lay it on me. I just got back from BK, had to grab a late lunch, because I was on the grind.

This edition of my blog is entitiled sites, sounds, and smells, and commemorates my week thus far

Sight- A grown man walking near Lexington Market wearing a Sponge Bob outfit. He was strutting his stuff, humming, and smiling from ear to ear.

Question: "What is he smoking?" I heard that phrase ten times in five seconds, no lie.

Sound- So I'm sitting in the very back of the bus by the window, just chilling, trying my best to stay cool cause Baltimore has been hot as hell this summer. So the bus is getting bum rushed, and we are all packing it in like sardines. This drunk/crackhead/guy who at the least is a few fries short of a happy meal, squeezes between this dude, and this woman. We're all thinking to ourselves dude has got to be drunk. The bus stops to pick up some more people. Out of nowhere the drunk yells at the top of his lungs, "HEEEYYY YOOOUUU!" Everyone is startled and at that point, thinking to ourselves WTF? Dude then proceeds to have a conversation with some young lady. We can't tell if it's his long lost daughter, niece, or neighbor, but we all are wondering why she's even indulging this man. The best part was when he got up to go sit in the seat in front of her. We were waiting for him to fall down and be @ssed out, but he kept his balance, must have been a functioning drunk.

Smells- On a bus or in any cramped space, during the summer time if you smell cheese steak, chances are it's someone's under arms. It's around this time that I want to hand out Secret, Right Guard, and Speed Stick for free wherever I go.

That's all for now, maybe once this internship ends tomorrow, I'll crank these puppies out more often.

-CNEL$

Tuesday, August 16, 2005

People Are So Nasty

Yesterday I got the most random e-mail from a total stranger. This let me know how nasty and desperate some people are. How are you going to offer your "goodies" via e-mail and expect someone to accept.

Uuuusssh girl is nasty.

Her message read exactly like this:

Yo whats good...im T...i checked your profile cuz you came into the room "eBonY Bmore" & saw you wuz in my area. Let me be straight up, my boyfriend is gone to miami on bidness & i'm just tryin to get my freak on for real. So if you think you would be down with some one night fun, no drama, no phone calls the next mornin, then holla at me at adultactiondate.com under the username "Blackberry2" i got my pics there. Whatever you do, do not e-mail me back at this address, my boyfriend be checkin it all the time. So like i said, if you like cute girls with apple bottoms and can chill for one night (safe fun!, im drug & disease free) then holla at me at that adultactiondate spot, its free, so ust send me an e-mail there with your info & what you look like & i'll get back to you with my phone #. Now listen, if you reply to this e-mail here, instead of at that site, my mans gonna slap me up when if reads it, so please don't be a stupid nukka, nawmean? Anyways Holla at me there, i'll be on all night & mornin. And don't be frontin, if you aint for real interested then don't contact me at the site, don't waste mah time.

Da freak T,, holla

In response to this I must therefore resort to ebonics:

Mmm WoWzers is all I have to say. It's like first off u prolly do ne and errbody cause you don't no me from a can of paint. Wat am I supposed to feel flattered, dat u goin be a hoe 4 me? If u cheatin on ur man chances r it ain't the first time, u need to evaluate that situation. U and the rest of the girls on dat site seem a lil too freaky 4 me. (Yea I did check the site out and ppl are hella nasty) Ur boyfriend is right not to trust u, cause u tryna give out ur coo through e-mail. Once again Uuuusssh. U sound cuntree and ignant and well ignant ain't my type. And u need to be slapped wit some sense cause u so nassssssttttteee. LoL and replyin 2 u was a waste of my time cept I'm bored.

That's what I would have said to T, had I even felt the need to respond. That is the most absurd thing I've ever read. I don't get it why cheat? Why cheat with someone you don't know? Why proposition someone via the internet? Come on, get real this is 2005, nasty is trashy.

Guess I won't be seen in the Ebony Bmore chat for a while, LoL, gosh.
-CNEL$

Thursday, August 11, 2005

For the Nice Guys

Someone sent this to me and I thought to myself, "self this describes my situation exactly." And self thought back to me, "Well you aren't the only one." Some girl out there is going to make some man a good wife one day since she was smart enough to come up with this.

For the Nice Guys

This is a tribute to the nice guys. The nice guys that finish last, that never become more than friends, that endure hours of whining and bitching about what assholes guys are, while disproving the very point.

This is dedicated to those guys who always provide a shoulder to lean on but restrain themselves to tentative hugs, those guys who hold open doors and give reassuring pats on the back and sit patiently outside the changing room at department stores. This is in honor of the guys that obligingly reiterate how cute/beautiful/smart/funny/sexy their female friends are at the appropriate moment, because they know most girls need that litany of support.

This is in honor of the guys with open minds, with laid-back attitudes, with honest concern. This is in honor of the guys who respect a girls every facet, from her privacy to her theology to her clothing style.This is for the guys who escort their drunk, bewildered female friends back from parties and never take advantage once they're at her door, for the guys who accompany girls to bars as buffers against the rest of the creepy male population, for the guys who know a girl is fishing for compliments but give them out anyway, for the guys who always play by the rules in a game where the rules favor cheaters, for the guys who are accredited as boyfriend material but somehow don't end up being boyfriends, for all the nice guys who are overlooked, underestimated, and unappreciated, for all the nice guys who are manipulated, misled, and unjustly abandoned, this is for you.

This is for that time she left 40 urgent messages on your cell phone, and when you called her back, she spent three hours painstakingly dissecting two sentences her boyfriend said to her over dinner. And even though you thought her boyfriend was a chump and a jerk, you assured her that it was all ok and she shouldn't worry about it. This is for that time she interrupted the best killing spree you'd ever orchestrated in GTA3 to rant about a rumor that romantically linked her and the guy she thinks is the most repulsive person in the world. And even though you thought it was immature and you had nothing against the guy, you paused the game for two hours and helped her concoct a counter-rumor to spread around the floor.

This is also for that time she didn't have a date, so after numerous vows that there was nothing "serious"between the two of you, she dragged you to a party where you knew nobody, the beer was awful, and she flirted shamelessly with you, justifying each fit of reckless teasing by announcing to everyone: "oh, but we're just friends!?" And even though you were invited purely as a symbolic warm body for her ego, you went anyways. Because you're nice like that.The nice guys don't often get credit where credit is due. And perhaps more disturbing, the nice guys don't seem to get laid as often as they should.

And I wish I could logically explain this trend, but I can't. From what I have observed on campus and what I have learned from talking to friends at other schools and in the workplace, the only conclusion I can form is that many girls are just illogical, manipulative bitches. Many of them claim they just want to date a nice guy, but when presented with such a specimen, they say irrational, confusing things such as oh, he's too nice to date or he would be a good boyfriend but he's not for me or he already puts up with so much from me, I couldnt possibly ask him out!? or the most frustrating of all: no, it would ruin our friendship. Yet, they continue to lament the lack of datable men in the world, and they expect their too-nice-to-date male friends to sympathize and apologize for the men that are jerks. Sorry, guys, girls like that are beyond my ability to fathom. I can't figure out why the connection breaks down between what they say (I want a nice guy!) and what they do (I'm going to sleep with this complete ass now!). But one thing I can do, is say that the nice-guy-finishes-last phenomenon doesn't last forever. There are definitely many girls who grow out of that train of thought and realize they should be dating the nice guys, not taking them for granted. The tricky part is finding those girls, and even trickier, finding the ones that are single.

So, until those girls are found, I propose a toast to all the nice guys. You know who you are, and I know you're sick of hearing yourself described as ubiquitously nice. But the truth of the matter is, the world needs your patience in the department store, your holding open of doors, your party escorting services, your propensity to be a sucker for a pretty smile. For all the crazy, inane, absurd things you tolerate, for all the situations where you are the faceless, nameless hero, my accolades, my acknowledgement, and my gratitude go out to you. You do have credibility in this society, and your well deserved vindication is coming.

-Author Unknown

Wednesday, August 10, 2005

In My Shoes

Have you ever worn shoes to the point where they were coming apart?

Well, I realized last weekend that my beloved Steve Maddens were falling apart at the seams, and yet I rocked them anyway.Yep I rocked them all weekend when I was out and about and to work yesterday. But last night after getting home I discovered that I had more holes in them than I imagined. There were holes on the inside, holes on the outside, and the sole was coming loose. I don't want to retire the shoes they are so comfortable and still look good. After a bit of a polishing they're still good as new. They are only a year old, and I'm not ready to say goodbye.

Isn't it funny how we get attached to things? Well I'll be okay throwing the darn shoes in the trash, think about people for whom this would really be a dilemma. LoL I am not dumb enough to continue wearing worn out shoes, and risk them coming apart as I travel the streets of Baltimore. Ummm it's not that deep.

But get this what's even more embarrassing is my choice of replacement shoes. I looked under my bed and pulled out the first pair of semi-dress shoes/ boots I could find. I had to put them on and I walk around the house for a minute to be sure they fit. Things looked and sounded good last night, but when I got to the office this morning my shoes are squeaking. They're still squeaking. What if I have to do something crazy and make a break for it? What am I going to do when I have to walk downstairs for lunch? I don't want to be making noises. That would be hella sad, and hella embarrassing. Lawd, lawd, lawd things have gone from bad to worst.

Ain't nothing better and harder to find than a good pair of shoes.


That's all for now. In Baltimore, I'm Christopher Nelson, reporting on what is my crazy life.

-CNEL$

Tuesday, August 09, 2005

I Maybe a Prep But I Am Not A Punk

I just had to let it be known that while I may be a bit preppy, I am not a punk. Some people are fooled by the clothes you wear, the way you talk, and your general demeanor, and those are the same people who will be surprised to know that you have another side. Well word to the wise I have another side. While I pride myself on being true to who I am, for being authentic, I like most people have my at home demeanor and my professional demeanor. Not to say that I'm not always charming, but you have a different type of charm when you're at work or in a professional setting and you're handling your business. This brings me to today's story:

A close friend and I are working on a project to get the black alums involved at our alma mater. Since we attended a private prep school it's a little bit of a challenge navigating what can be a very political world. You have to work hard to get what you need, when you need it, and how you need it. And anyone who knows me knows that I work hard no matter what.

Recently a miscommunication took place, someone thought I had done something that I hadn't in fact done. This got him a little ticked off, and so he sent me an e-mail which I perceived to be a veiled threat. Don't make threats to CNEL$ because that does not fly. Now I'm generally passive, and can let things go, but you never ever threaten me, attempt to intimidate me, or disrespect me. Because then the man that Yolanda Nelson raised will up and do it people. I almost up and did it. I almost went Baltimore on him (that's when Christopher gets a little less suburban (which is where I received my college prep/ boarding school education) and a lot more urban (where I was born and raised). Now not to say that I don't always carry myself well, but urban Chris has an edge, and can be well forceful and intimidating. It's who I am and I am unapologetic.

See how I handles mines:

Me: On a personal note I felt that the tenor and tone of your e-mail were accusatory in nature. L and I have not been complicit in any wrongdoing. I also feel that instead of contacting me for clarification you made a number of assumptions. The assumptions which were made I believe facilitated your misunderstanding of our actions.

Him: I apologize if I came across accusatory. I believe the whole situation may have gotten out of hand because of the miscommunication that you were working with the school...

Me: As a student at McD I worked tirelessly as a student leader inservice of others. I am still a very active supporter of the students, faculty, staff, and administrators still at the school. In short I have earned the admiration and respect of my fellow alums, current students, and the school's current faculty, staff, and administrators. I have a proven track record and I am well known for being courteous, mature, and professional in all my endeavors.

Him: I fully understand that; and I am sure you have a great reputation. (He better ask somebody)

Me: I would ask that as a courtesy to me you be a little more cognizant of the tone and tenor of your communications. While it is possible that I misinterpreted your comments I still don't feel that I received the proper respect due to me as an alumni of McD, as a professional, as a scholar, or as a young adult.

Him: I accept that feedback and apologize if I was too abrupt. I believe weare on the same wavelength now... (Mmm hmmm)

Later he wrote: The next time you are on campus, I hope you will come by my office ... so we can meet and make amends. Since you are attending Loyola, I assume (there he goes assuming again) you may have an opportunity to do that one day. You may want to call to verify my availability. Thanks!

People have got to learn when you assume you make an ass out of you and not me.

Until next time....this has been CNEL$ reporting from somewhere in Baltimore.

Monday, August 08, 2005

News Junkie

News Junkie

From the time I was ten until the time I was 17 I wanted to be an attorney. Growing up I admired fellow Baltimorean Thurgood Marshall, who was Counsel for the NAACP Legal Defense Fund, Solicitor General of the United States, a federal appeals court judge, and ultimately the first African American Supreme Court Justice. Growing up in Baltimore I didn't know that my being first a black male, and my also being the son of a single mother stacked the odds against me. If my mother gave me anything it was a sense that I could do as I dreamed. I had my heart set on law school, and becoming a federal judge until my senior year in high school. By that time I realized the politics involved in becoming a federal judge. I decided to test the waters so to speak, and see what else was out there.

Growing up I loved to write. I took solace in being a good reader, and a good writer. I would write short stories and poetry almost nonstop. I would have my aunt photocopy my poems and my stories, and I would then hand them out to family and friends. I liked to think that I had my own publishing company, never mind the fact that I was giving my work away, and I never made any money. My love of writing definitely came from my mother.It's probably the second greatest gift she gave me, the first and greatest gift being her unconditional love and support. My mother encouraged my love of learning, my love of books, my love of poetry, my love of reading, and my love of writing.

I wrote then because I felt I had stories to share. In middle school and high school I wrote for my school newspapers, mostly because I enjoyed the challenge of storytelling. Many would say I am a natural journalist because I have a natural curiosity. I love to learn and be in the know about everything, well most things atleast. I also like to talk which all my friends can attest to, because our always lengthy discussions. I've always been the one many turned to for the low down on almost all topics.

In my senior year of high school my passion for journalism was taken a step further. I was given the opportunity to intern at a local television station.

I still remember my first day at the program as if it were yesterday. I'm laying in bed sulking because I felt like a reject. I had been told by my mother that I didn't make the cut. Then I get a call from my future boss at Channel 2 asking where I was? I was at home in bed, mad, is where I was. Boss lady then told me that I had made the cut, and that I was supposed to be at the station two hours earlier. I called all around Baltimore trying to get a ride to the station, which because of C.P. time made me four hours late. I'm still trying to figure out how my mother came away with "you didn't make it" when in fact I did. Anyway I made it into the station and thus began my fascination with television news. Over the course of seven months I was able to write, report, and anchor for a teen news program. The station got me hooked and it was then that I decided that I'd still earn a law degree, this time with the intention of becoming a broadcast journalist. Hmm talk about a job which revolves around politics.

Since my internship I've become a news junkie. If it doesn't come from CNN, NBC, or ABC then I don't want to hear about it. I've spent countless hours watching the news studying everything from the way the reporters write their stories, to the way anchors conduct interviews. My mother thinks I'm obsessive, but she doesn't understand how badly I want to become a respected broadcaster. It's not my goal because I'm vain or that I want to be famous, it's because I want to serve the public. I want to be one of the people whose job it is to share stories with the public. I want to help viewers understand why the world is as it is, and how the world is changing as it changes.

The people who've had the responsibility of helping us make sense of it all have primarily been white men. Day in and day out we have tuned in to see Tom Brokaw, Peter Jennings, and Dan Rather. While those three men have done so much for TV news, it's about time we got a more diverse representation of America on the airwaves. Ours is a world which has inherent diversity, which displays the beauty of difference, and which also shows us that our uniqueness as a blended society is our strength and not our limitation, and is our pride and not our shame. I admire all three of those men, but I also admire others who have also paved the way for people like me to aspire to be a journalist. People like the late Mr. Max Robinson who was the first African American to co-anchor a nightly newscast, when paired with the late Frank Reynolds, and the newly departed Peter Jennings. There have been others who helped pave the way for other members of underrepresented segments of society such as Barbara Walters who was the first woman to become a respected national broadcaster, and then there was Carole Simpson, Bryant Gumble, and Robin Roberts who became recognizable African American anchors and correspondents. Now it's a lot easier for women and African-Americans to report the news. It'll be a lot easier for me in a few years than it was for them. But the job of reporting the news isn't all glitz and glamour. The job of reporting is about hard work, digging deep, and committing yourself to doing it right. Peter Jennings did just that he worked hard, he dug deep, and committed himself to getting the stories right.

Well, Peter Jennings died last night of cancer. Peter Jennings' death marks the end of an era, because none of the anchors I've watched all my life are now the faces to which we turn to each night. Tom Brokaw retired so that he could go out on top, Peter Jennings has now died, and Dan Rather was forced from his anchor seat over a botched report about the President's military service. Without "the big three news anchors" it'll be a lot different when we go home every night and watch the evening news.

Maybe one day I'll be among the brave group of men and women who get to tell our stories. Maybe I'll get to report about overcoming obstacles, and achieving unimaginable success. Maybe I'll be part of the mirror through which viewers the world over can see themselves.
Maybe I'll be able to help chronicle this nation's and the world's magnificent past, present, and future. Maybe I myself will one day become and live up to the title of anchor. Our traditional well-respected and well-liked anchorpeople have after all been our rocks in times of uncertainty, they've held us steady in times of despair, and taught us more about the world each and every time we saw them.

R.I.P. Peter Jennings you lived one hell of a life....each night you gave us a better look at the world in which we live.

and

R.I.P. Akilah Amapindi..........a 23 year old journalist who died last weekend in Atlanta....it is believed she contracted malaria while in Namibia. Akilah was spending time with her father and also working as a journalist for the Namibian Broadcasting Company.

Though I knew neither Mr. Jennings or Ms. Amapindi, the journalism community is a family, and their losses are truly felt.

Sunday, August 07, 2005

Toxic Friends and Friendships

As I get older I believe I am getting wiser, or mellower, or crazier. I know for a fact that it's one of the above, because I feel it, and besides I know me. As I get older I am beginning to see the mistakes I've made thus far in life. I know for a fact that someone out there is thinking at 19 what kind of mistakes could you possibly have made? Trust me there have been a few and I know that there are more to come. But as I begin to realize the mistakes I've made, I'm also beginning to realize the things I did right. I am beginning to see how even at 19 I am a success story. You see you don't have to be old, you don't have to necessarily be able to boast of some great accomplishment, or be well known by tons of people. What you have to be able to do is say, "I've lived this life, and I've owned it thus far." I have no problem saying that, nor do I have a problem saying, "I'm living this life, I own it, because my best days are not my yesterdays, but instead my yes days."

One lesson I've taken away from my life thus far is the true meaning of friendship. I never quite knew growing up why my mother always said, "You have too many friends." I now know that what she meant was that I had too many people I considered my friends. What my mother wanted me to learn then, she knew would prepare me for now. She knew if she taught me that lesson I wouldn't be caught off guard, I wouldn't be surprised, I wouldn't be stunned, and I wouldn't be hurt by so-called friends. My mother always said to me, "You need to learn the difference between an associate and a friend." She was right I need to have more associates, because I know now everyone sure as hell ain't my friend.

Since I'm at a pivotal point in my life, the point at which my college education is fast becoming my introduction to the real world, I think I'm much more aware of the craziness which goes on in this world. I am fast learning about different phenomena that I will have to do with more as I get older. One such phenomena is that of "Toxic Friends" (No it's not just a female thing, because females aren't the only ones with friends, and I too suffer from Toxic Shock Syndrome if only in my head, which is probably the cause of my brutal migraines) And here's what I learned about Toxic Friends:

7 Signs of a Poisonous Pal

Here are some ways you can detect if you have a Toxic Friend or if you are in a Toxic Friendship (if you are break free and break free fast)

If you have an:
1) Ungiving Friend: If you are the giving friend, and you are friends with a taker, drop the mooch, you're investing way too much for too little in return.
If you have a:
2) Destructive Friend: A friend who when they shouldn't really, still manages to support your bad habits, and give whack advice, let him or her go.
If you have a:
3) Defensive Friend: One who doesn't want to be told how to be a better friend, then maybe you'd be better off without him or her.
If you have an:
4) Uncomfortable Friend: One who despite knowing you and knowing your potential is still uncomfortable with your success, find someone who will cheer you on and help you as you endeavor to reach your level. Never ever befriend someone who questions the change for the better in your life.
If you have an:
5) Annoyed Friend: Someone who is constantly annoyed by the differences between you two, who gets ticked by the little things, who can't realize the uniqueness makes the friendship what it is, then let them find someone who is just like them, cause they don't need you.
If you have an:
6) Unreliable Friend: If you've got a friend who you have to watch yourself around, one of those friends you have to hold back from, then the trust isn't there. If they can't get the low down on the down low, then they shouldn't know any of your business then they shouldn't even be your business.
If you have a:
7) Doubtful Friend: One of those friends who makes you question yourself, and doesn't help you move closer towards your ultimate level, then that is not the friend for you.

I've had a few toxic friends in my day. There have been people that should have remained associates and never been called friends. There are probably a few toxic ones who still linger, but in due time, they'll be gone too. I am destined for greatness, this I know. I have always been told, "You cannot allow anyone to put a limit on your purpose or on your destiny."-My Cuzin Michael, Da Pastor told me that. And you best to believe that I won't ever forget those words. My future is too great to allow someone to stop me on my road to greatness.

My advice for this week, my advice for today, and my advice for tomorrow is watch who you allow to get close to you.

The five people you are closest to are who represent you....If those people whether family or friends...don't have your value system or beliefs then ask yourself why. Reevaluate your relationships and friendships, find the meaningful ones and stick to those.

Quote of the Day: "The more humble you are, the more the blessings flow." -Ciara, R &B/Hip Hop Artist

Song of the Day: "I Wish I Wasn't" by Heather Headley

Monday, August 01, 2005

Poetry

Sunday, July 31, 2005

Poetry
Some ppl on here remember that I have a reputation for writing poems, especially love poems. So here are some old poems, that I had laying around. Maybe sometime soon I'll receive some inspiration.

-CNEL$

Title: Senses
I see you
And I turn away It's not that you hurt my eyes
No, its really that you hurt my heart

I try to tune you out, but what I'm really wanting is to hold on to the sweet sounds your voice makes
I want to make my ears the place where your voice lives
I replay conversations we've had over and over in my mind, just to hear you when I can't see you

I feel you
I feel you next to me, when we've barely even touched
It doesn't warm my loins when you look at me, it warms my heart
I feel love when I see you
Even if it's not there

I smell you
I inhale taking in your smell
It intoxicates me, takes me to a place
Takes me to a place where I've never gone before

I see you, I hear you, I feel you
You are what makes me love this world again
You are what makes me take it all in
You are what I want, what I need, what I desire
© Christopher Nelson 2005 All Rights Reserved

Title: Wrong
It's wrong for me to think of you as more than just a friend.
You're like a sister to me.
We talk almost every night about our dreams, our fears, and our realities.
The reality is your heart and mind are taken by someone else, not me.
It's him you claim to love with all your heart, it's him you've commited yourself to.
All I can do is be there for you like I said I always would.

It's wrong for me to wish myself in his shoes.
He is the one you want.
I know him too, and I know you can do better.
Better isn't necessarily me and better isn't just what I see in my mind, but better could be better for you.
You told me he called you names.
He called you that word that made my eye start to twitch and me want to pound him with my fist.

It's wrong for me to hope that your relationship would end.
You're happy so you say.
You want things to stay that way for right now.
Right now you think it's love, you told me over and over again it isn't lust.
Lust is a four letter word often confused with love.
I promise to love you now matter what, now tell me is that wrong?
© Christopher Nelson 2005 All Rights Reserved

Title: Hey You

Hey You,
I don't know what to say. You don't know me yet. I don't know you. I just thought I'd introduce myself in hopes that you'd one day be more than just "you." I'm the love of your life. The greatest love of all. You don't know it yet but one day you're going to fall. Fall in love with me and stay there.

I just hope you have fun getting here. I can't wait to meet you. There is so much I want you to know. So many people I want you to meet. So many things we must do. I'm so excited to be your greatest love of all
Love Always,
The One
© Christopher Nelson 2005 All Rights Reserved

Title: It Makes Me Believe I Know Love
Just the thought of you thinking of me inspires me to live my life in a certain way.
The conversations we have I wait for each day.
The messages I wait for you to send me consume my thoughts.
It makes me believe I know love....

Just the thought of you caring for me makes me complete.
The deep discussions drive my mind wild and nothing else can compete.
The jokes we share turn the corners of my mouth upward even the not so funny ones leave me no choice.
The love we share I feel through the phone, through the keyboard, through your voice.
It makes me believe I know love.....

Just the thought of you loving me, makes me willing to risk opening up to love again.
A new journey I'm ready to begin.
I want for us to be one.And I don't want to stop until it's done.
The fact that I'm ready to stop and no longer run.
It makes me believe I know love....

It's all due to my relationship with you.
It's only a friendship, but that doesn't matter, baby it's you.
It's you that has a hold on my heart.
We must give love a chance to grow and to change.
Don't think this is strange because it just...it justIt makes me believe I know love.
© Christopher Nelson 2005 All Rights Reserved

Title: Late Night Thoughts
I'll be up for a while
Until you call me to say goodnite
Not hearing your voice lately has made me hurt
You're the only one that can make me feel complete
Until you I felt love was overrated, often exaggerated
But now you're my buddy, my best friend
From you I learn
With you I talk
You I'll love to the days cease to be
All this just came to me just as you came to me
I love you
So, just thought I'd share a few my late night thoughts
© Christopher Nelson 2005 All Rights Reserved

Title: If
If I stopped hoping for your love, I'd have to stop breathingI
f I woke up from this dream, I'd be unwilling to move from my bed
If I would have never met you, I'd never have gotten the chance to know me

You've made me try my hardest to ne true to me
You've made me realize that love has no time limits, it lasts forever
You've made me realize one person can be he one who saved my life

If I couldn't see your face, I'd never have had the chance to smile the way I smile
If I couldn't hear your voice I'd not know what music the heart plays
If I couldn't take in your scent, I wouldn't have started to breathe easier

You've brought clarity to my thoughts
You've brought love to my life
You've taught me my reason for being

If you could find it in your heart to love me please do...and if not let me continue love you
© Christopher Nelson 2005 All Rights Reserved

Title: We Are
We are on the verge of utter happiness
We are on the verge of total commitment
We are on the verge of making love

Your body drives me wild
Your eyes look straight through to my soul
Your voice makes my body come alive in anticipation of our impending relations

We are what love was meant to be
We are more than peas in a pod
We are more than the ying to each other's yang

We are souls entwined
© Christopher Nelson 2005 All Rights Reserved

Title: I Love You
I do not love you because of how you look
I do not love you because of how you sound
I do not love you because of how you feel

I love you because you are true to your word
I love you because you give to me, simply by being my best friend
I love you because you are one of God's greatest creations

I do not love you in hopes that you will do anything for me
I do not love you in hopes that we will always be
I do not love you without realizing you may never see me, as I see you

I love you because of how I feel after seeing you
I love you because of the joy you've brought to me
I love you because you take my mind to places my body could never go
© Christopher Nelson 2005 All Rights Reserved

If you don't define yourself for yourself, you'll be crunched into other people's fantasies of you and eaten alive-- Audre Lorde (ala "The Best Man")