Impossible is Impossible

This blog is my way of reflecting upon life. Life is about living and learning. As I live and learn I’m going to reflect upon this life I lead. Hopefully I'll offer something insightful with my postings. If you learn nothing else from me, know this that “impossible is impossible”.

Sunday, July 30, 2006

Words to Contemplate

There. I’ve done my best. If that won’t do, I shall have to wait until I can do better.

-Victor Heerman

I have reached no conclusions, have erected no boundaries,
shutting out and shutting in, separating inside
from outside: I have
drawn no lines.

-Archie Randolph Ammons

If one has determination, then things will get done.

-Chinese proverb

Action without a name, a “who” attached to it, is meaningless.

- Hannah Arendt

Let us not be ashamed to speak what we shame not to think.

-Michel de Montaigne

On a journey of a hundred miles, ninety is but half way.

-Chinese proverb

It matters more how one gives than what one gives.

-Pierre Corneille

Federal Hill

So yesterday I went to the station and hosted for 2 hours from 3 to 5.

Then I went to Federal Hill with my friend Lizz who was also apart of the group that spent four weeks in Italy back in June. We ate at a pub called Thirsty Dog, it was a nice little place. We had pizza cause their pizza was said to be delish. I had the Hawaiian BBQ pizza. I washed it down with like six mugs of water. It was so funny while making the rounds the waitress came up to us and said, "I brought you guys more water." At first we were like dang why to point out the minors, then we were thankful, cause it was hot and we needed the H20. HaHa Lizz and I were like umm maybe it wasn't a good idea to go to the Thirsty Dog during happy hour lmao. Hmm.

Then we went to this Shakespeare Festival up on Federal Hill which is this giant hill which overlooks Baltimore's Inner Harbor. We stayed for the first part of the show, then we got low. I mistakenly left my cell phone in the grass. I walked Lizz and our friend Ryan who met up with us back down the hill, so they could go hang out. Then I rushed back to try to find my phone. On my first attempts I didn't find it. But God was with me because I saw the back of the clip and recovered my phone.

Then I went home, talked on the phone, and went to sleep.

Today I'm hosting again from 6pm to 8pm which is my usual time slot during the school year.

So tune in if you're not doing anything 6pm to 8pm East Coast time.

Go to www.wloy.org

Click Listen Now

Follow the Instructions

TTYL,

CNEL

Friday, July 28, 2006

On the Air With Me

I'll be on the air this weekend.

MUSIC & ME

Saturday, July 29, 2006

3pm to 4pm

Sunday, July 30, 2006

6pm to 8pm

Go to www.wloy.org

Click Listen Now

Hit me up then via telephone listen in for the #

or

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Tuesday, July 25, 2006

Love and Sex and the In Between

First up this evening is a poem by the singer and the poet Ms. Jill Scott.

To My New Lover (Written on March 27, 1993)

For the first time I’ve allowed someone, no you, to strip me of all my
clothing, all my confusion, all my doubt, all my fear of love
and life.
I am Naked. Yes naked. Butt naked and
Impressed with your ability to see me,
To see ME
clearly
through my private, lonely haze.
You touch me.
You feel me and make me tremble with the possibilities of
Tomorrow, the next day, the next day and forever baby.
With you.
I feel my cloud cleared
my rain washing me.
With you
my flower blooms in December cold
With you
I lose mental chaps and gain tranquility.
You have my power and when I grow weary,
you replenish me.
With you
my angry ocean sits placid easy calm
With you
I have become
My entire self.

Thank you.


So this afternoon for lunch I walked to Harborplace at the Inner Harbor with one of my co-workers. We went inside a ghetto lit store, before getting some grub from one of the Asian eateries and a smoothie from Starbucks. Speaking of ghetto lit over the weekend I read my little cousin’s teenage geared ghetto lit book. “Teenage Bluez: A Collection of Urban Stories.” It was shall we say an interesting look at issues which often confront teen girls. In the first story “Life in the Fast Lane” a young girl becomes involved with a star scholar-athlete to whom she gives her virginity on his prom night resulting in pregnancy which she chooses not to abort claiming that an abortion would be something she would not forget or forgive herself for, and oh she also finds God. The next story “Phat As I Wanna Be” shows us a girl who develops bulimia due to her parent’s messy divorce, and her mother’s constant comparisons of her to her overweight dad. The next story “Scared Straight” is the story of a wealthy teenage boy whose life as a black boy in majority white places makes him a nerd and unpopular, so he befriends a local thug and goes joyriding resulting in some time in juvenile hall. The next story “Image Is Everything” takes us inside the life of the daughter of a star football player who looses her relationship with her best friend a groupie who goes down on a drug charge from taking part in the riches of drug dealers. The next to last story “Double Whammy” is about a young girl who becomes involved with an older man, and gives up her virginity only to gain an unwanted pregnancy and HIV from a man who is purposely infecting women. The last story “Unbroken Promises” finds a star gymnast balancing her boyfriend and gymnastics, and overcoming an injury to become a champion.

I won’t go into how well written or plausible some of the stories were, but I will talk about the apparent misconception that all some males want is sex. Time and time again I read how these girls were told by their mothers that that was all that was on boy’s minds. I know for a fact those same words are uttered in real life. Do some boys become sex-crazed because their parents don’t have talks with them about sex, relationships, and the difference between the two?

Which leads me to a convo with one of my male friends:

Him: “My mother thinks I’m out here having sex with everyone I know.”

Me: “Why because you nasty?” (Said sarcastically)

Him: “No, I don’t know.”

Me: “I mean she just wants you to be safe …”

Him: I’m a f*@!kin virgin. I don’t even own condoms.”

See not all boys are after the booty, and the booty by itself. Some of us do want substance. (Note: I am a sucker for boy shorts, I love a girl in boys shorts!)

Sunday, July 23, 2006

Words to Ponder

Someone once asked how I choose my quotes every week. I do based on what I see, hear, read, or feel.

This week I picked authors I've come across through the Harlem Book Festival in honor of this weekend's festival. I watched some coverage on C-SPAN.

Sunday-
"She always had it. At 16 she was wearing fabulous dresses that she had made herself. She was stylish before she had any money to spend on clothes. One of her friends said to me, "Your mother thought tall."
-Susan Fales Hill, author of "Always Wear Joy" when talking about her mother Josephine Premice

Monday-
"... my father and I had a special ritual, as my mother often told many times:
In the evenings I’d wait for him at the front door. He'd come in, pick me up, throw me over his shoulder, get a plate of oatmeal cookies that my mother made from scratch, and we’d go into the den to watch the news and share the delicious cookies."
-Ilyasah Shabazz, author of "Growing Up X" when asked about what she remembers of her father as a "family man"

Tuesday:
"We all need to feel as though we belong. We all need somebody to hear us when we say, 'I'm out here by myself. I'm scared. What am I going to do?"
-Regina Louise, author of "Somebody's Someone"

Wednesday:
"Love is packaged in this country's media as a luxury, something only the rich have the time or resources to indulge in."
- Pamela Newkirk, author of "A Love No Less"

Thursday:
"At some point in each of our lives we realize that life is not necessarily going to be fair. That was the day for me that I knew I was going to have to pick up some skills to survive."
-E Lynn Harris, author of "What Becomes of the Brokenhearted"

Friday:
"The problem comes when the pain of our past controls the way we live our lives today and shatters our faith and hope for a positive future."
Bishop David G. Evans, author of "Healed Without Scars"

Saturday:
"Walking those three blocks, I knew all I needed to know about where I wanted to be as I watched property values the Volvos as opposed to burned-out, you know, Cadillacs."
-David Matthews, author of "Ace of Spades" on why he chose to pass as white when his mother was a Jewish Israeli woman and his father a fair-skinned African-American man

I NEED A CAR

I need a car.

Can anyone out there help me?

If you can, I can find a 501 C 3 to attach myself to, so you can get a tax write off!

I am so tired of riding mass transit.

I was about to give these teenage husseys a piece of my mind on my way home cause they said I had a cone head. It's true, and it wasn't real deep. I just wanted to tell the obviously uneducated, rude, needy, wannabes to keep their heads out of the clouds, and in some books. It was obvious given that they were out past 10:00pm that they were trains wrecks on wheels.

So anyway on bus rides, subway rides, I sometimes come out my writers block, poetry funk, whatever you shall call it:
# 1

The grayness of the clouds speak to me
The sun trying to peek through sings to me
Slowly moving across the sky
The clouds are where my head is right now
My tears come rampantly and then slowly just as surely as the half hour ago's summer rain came and went.

#2

In the back of my mind rests an image of you, or should I say images of you
One image of you as a caring, loving, genuine person calling to see how my day went, saying I love you, encouraging me
The other image of you as unsure, unloving, a less than genuine person texting me to say, "I finally am going to be honest with you. I don't want to be in a relationship with you any more. I am sorry for leading you on this long. I hope we can remain friends and try again later. I still love you."
It seems that you thought more about that text, than about why people enter into relationships, than about what it takes to sustain relationships, than about my feelings, than about my heart, than about how your playing games changed our lives. Atleast you thought.

# 3
Intensely I wanted her
I craved her touch
Intensely I desired her
I desired her presence
With all the passion within me I tried to sow love
I tried to plant in the garden that which would grow, that which would blossom, that which would reveal beauty to the senses

#4
Sometimes I don't know whether to cry or to laugh
At the life I lead
At that of which I am a part
Sometimes I smile at the simplest things a cute kid, a couple kissing, a beautiful poem, a pretty picture, a blossoming garden
Sometimes I frown at the state of our society, our urban cities often called urban jungles
Sometimes I don't know whether to smile or show disdain
The ambiguous nature of my feelings has me conflicted

# 5

There's this ever present lie that a man cannot feel
That a man cannot live intensely, with passion, with truth, or with conviction
I've said I loved and meant it
I've kissed and that been all, not wanting to cross any line
Said goodbye and not wanted to move in any direction
I have loved because of potential because of that which could exist if I loved hard enough and prayed long enough

#6
The train moves, I see buildings
I see greenery that I can barely see through
I see
I feel the motion
I feel
Two minutes til the next stop
Next stop my stop
Or a blip on the screen

Friday, July 21, 2006

Missing Italy

Right now I'm missing Italy. Looking through photo albums on Facebook reminded me how great the experience was, for all the stressing and fretting, I had fun. Oh and I miss the crew. They had me wildin' out just a little.

Below are some fav pics

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The Fountain in the piazza or town center

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The walk to "new" Cagli or the more modern parts of town

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At the restaurant Squa Qua

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Caffe Commercio


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Caffe Del Corso

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Me Dancing Ha

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Greg and I

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Some of Cagli's kids and me


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A Really Really Cute Kid

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My Translator Natalia and I

News And Views - Episode #3

Racial controversy explored: A Loyola College benefit concert for a New Orleans university features performer Afroman - Does he unfairly represent the minorities at Loyola College? This issue is explored by student Jasmine Jenkins and WLOY radio manager Phil Leverrier.

Thursday, July 20, 2006

Summer School

Currently: On my lunch break :-) listening to the Paths to Success: A Forum on Young African-American Men webcast.

It's summer and I am being schooled, schooled in the reality of life. How? I am being schooled by looking,listening, and feeling. Through observation and experience of course.

So over the course of the last few weeks I've been reading the series "Being A Black Man" in The Washington Post. In my estimation it has been a thought prevoking series for me an aspiring journalist and a wannabe sociologist. The series as I have noted before talks about the so-called "plight of black men". More and more I am thinking about whether or not too often we refer to the everyday struggles, and pervasive challenges facing African-American men as "their plight". Yes, it is a struggle for us black men, but shouldn't the existence of these problesm be reognized as evidence of difficulties which need to be addressed by our communities meaning the black community specifically, and the community at large. Also there are struggles for other groups as well, I have since turned my attention to the plight of black women. I was spurred in part by the series. I just finished reading "Sometimes Rhythm, Sometimes Blues".

Anytime I am on summer break from school I find myself better able to be schooled in the game of life. Schooled not just in ways which will allow me to develop as an academic or a professional, but just as a person who is conscious. I do more reading, researching, and thinking, cause finally my life isn't on preset due to the academic hustle. I love learning, but the textbooks don't teach all.

Before I go let me pose a question. Why is Dr. Bill Cosby (God bless him cause I loved "The Cosby Show", I'm waiting for my copy of "A Different World" season two on DVD to arrive at mi casa, and I respect his generosity as a philanthropist). Why is Dr. Cosby being looked at as "the voice" when it comes to blackness, masculinity, and black masculinity? Hasn't one problem in the African-American community been too much reliance on too few leaders? Yes, we've seen dynamic individuals who have been pillars in our community, but isn't it time for a multitude of leaders to rise up, stand up, speak out, and act out. Yes, respect Bill Cosby for what he has accomplished, but really and truly is he doing anything to help the young black children who as he puts it, are calling out to be heard, and not being heard.

Check out a word delivered by Dr. Cosby:

"The Washington Post ran a clip and then they edited it and they had in what they wanted us to see these men saying," he said. "Unless I missed it, I heard not one black man say anything about being a father. I heard not one black man say, 'my responsibility,' not one. The edited version of these people with a camera on a drive-by – I'm looking to media. I don't like people who see and can't tell the truth. . . . A man tells me, 'It's not as bad as it seems.' I don't want to hear that shit."
-Bill Cosby as quoted in Richard Prince's Journalisms

I'm just saying. Shouldn't this same dialogue be happening in communities all across the country with people pledging action, with people making a commitment? I myself am thinking about mentoring a group at the elementary school where I graduated from nearly a decade ago. So much of what needs to happen needs to be meaningful relationships built with young people.

Sunday, July 16, 2006

Daily Words to Contemplate

"Every strike brings me closer to the next home run."
-Babe Ruth

"A lifetime of training for just ten seconds."
-Jesse Owens

"In order to excel, you must be completely dedicated to your chosen sport. You must also be prepared to work hard and be willing to accept constructive criticism. Without one-hundred percent dedication, you won't be able to do this."
-Willie Mays

"I just try to concentrate on concentrating."
-Martina Navratilova

"Most people have a harder time letting themselves love than finding someone to love them."
-Bill Russell

"I think self-awareness is probably the most important thing towards being a champion."
-Billie Jean King

"I really lack the words to compliment myself today."
-Alberto Tomba

Friday, July 14, 2006

Music in My Head

Since I get to sit at my desk with one earphone in listening to music, and one ear at the office door, I have been listening to mad music.

But anywho.....

So when I was over in Italy, I was feenin for some music. Right before I left the States, I called myself catching up on some music. I went out and brought both
Ne-Yo's cd and Chris Brown's cd, but didn't take them with me to Cagli. Ummm let me say I liked to die without any R & B, hip hop, gospel, or jazz. I did get
a fix one Sunday when I went to the beach, and one of the translators let me here some Luda, some Kanye, and some BlackStar. But now I'm back and I have been
listening to some old standbys like Vivian Green, Nina Sky, Bobby Valentino, and some ppl they be playing on the radio.

Ne-Yo however has got me. Every feel like a singer was singing about your life. Well of course you have.

See case and point:


"Let Go"

I know its past tense
Its been a minute since
We were a couple
And, walking and holding hands
Kisses and I love yous
Doing what lovers do
Baby
But baby that was then
Cause now we don't
Talk no more
You gotta a new man
And, it shouldn't bother me
But girl its driving me, crazy
And everybody says
Boy why don't you just leave it alone
But I don't think I can

[Chorus]
I sit up all night
Thinkin' bout ya
And know it ain't right, baby
But I don't
I don't think, don't think that I
That I can let go (Don't think I can let you know)

I'm holdin' on to hope
I know its a foolish thought
Think that someday she might come back
Wish on it all the time
Knowin' it never may happen
But see I'm not a fool
Cause no we don't
Talk no more
You gotta new man
But, I'm gonna keep it safe
I've got the patience
That some lack...
But everybody says
Boy why don't you just leave it alone
But I don't think I can

[Chorus]
I sit up all night
Thinkin' bout ya
And know it ain't right, baby
But I don't
I don't think, don't think that I
That I can let go (Don't think I can let you know)

[Interlude]
I don't think I can let you go
I can't let you go
No....
I don't think that I can let you go
Let go...
And everybody says...
And I don't think I can...

[Chorus (With Ad-Libs)]
I sit up all night
Thinkin' bout ya
And know it ain't right, baby
But I don't
I don't think, don't think that I
That I can let go (Don't think I can let you know)

Listening is so much better.

C Nel's current fav songs:

So What by Field Mob f/ Ciara
(This my joint!)

Promiscuous by Nelly Furtado
(This was one of the only songs they played in English
in Cagli)

Hips Don't Lie by Shakira
(Same, they played it to def in Italy)

Ridin by Chamillionaire

It's Goin Down by Young Joc
(Turns out I was sayin his name right)

Sexy Love by Ne-Yo

I'm Gonna Be by Donnell Jones

Pullin Me Back by Chingy ft Tyrese

Torn by Letoya

DJ Play a Love Song by Jamie Foxx

Wednesday, July 12, 2006

I Find the Answer to My Restlessness

I often say “Great minds don’t get bored.”

My mother told me to reconsider that statement almost as soon as I made it, because she knew I was attempting to talk about myself. She is also aware of the fact that I don’t take naps, my mind runs as fast as my mouth, and she also knows that I only say half of what I am actually thinking. I only say half of what I am thinking, not because I have anything to hide ;-) , but more because there is so much on my mind.

It was so funny to me to read some of the comments left on my Facebook wall on my birthday. Many of the people wrote wishing me a happy birthday, but also telling me to take it easy and not to work too hard. HaHa. I knew then that it certainly appears to everyone else that I am a worker bee, and I am. I subsequently posted a pic of me in street clothes, because people say they never see me in anything casual. In high school I once went to pick up my books days before moving into the dorms, and days before the start of the school year. I called out to a teacher to say hello, and she proceeded to give me the “who the hell are you” look. Then she said, “Oh Chris, I didn’t know that was you. I’ve never seen you in jeans before. I’m so used to seeing you in school clothes.” School clothes meaning an oxford, khakis, tie, and dress shoes. Can’t a brother be about his business? Dang.

I don’t work all the time, but I don’t know if my mind ever takes a rest. Maybe it does because I don’t always remember what I dreamt of the night before. But here is what’s on my mind now:

So I told you all I’ve begun reading “Sometimes Rhythm, Sometimes Blues”, which is a book about the challenges which face African-American relationships. I’ve been wanting to read the book for months and months and months. Finally my cousin brought it over for me to read. I knew when I saw that Taigi Smith was the editor that it’d be a good read. Ever since reading the issue of Newsweek Magazine which talked about “The Black Gender Gap” I’ve become more aware of issues such as race, gender, and class and their effect on relationships. I guess there is a reason that I am pursuing a minor in Sociology. I love studying race relations, and this fall will take a class in gender studies a LoCo. Back on topic though now, “Sometimes Rhythm, Sometimes Blues” is one of those books which makes you want to sit down and take notes. I mean whip out the pen and the composition notebook. Ya’ll know the black and white one. I’m going to be talking about the book here on this here blog, as I read through it. Hell maybe it’ll get this reluctant writer over his self-proclaimed writers block. Ha I know that’s an unbelievable statement for those who also follow me on MySpace.

I’ll begin this series by sharing Taigi’s dedication to her book:

“I dedicate this book to those fearless enough to sing love songs while walking down the street alone: It is for those who dance to their own beats and love in a way that is soulful and real. These true stories are dedicated to those who love despite the odds, and most importantly, for anyone who recognizes that Black people loving other Black people is truly a revolutionary act.”

There is more to come, as this reading is perfectly timed. I’ve been reading the Washington Post’s series on “Being a Black Man” in this country, utterly fascinating, thought provoking, and much to meditate upon. This book in essence though three years old provides the balance to the Post’s reporting.

-CNEL

Tuesday, July 11, 2006

“Their Eyes Were Watching” CNEL…

And we’re off three days into a new week if you think of Sunday as the official start of the new week. Life is good. I just turned 20, and I feel good about it. This summer is however moving somewhat quickly. I still can’t believe I spent a month in Italy, and am already nearly two weeks into the summer gig. My time in Italy was however just enough time for me to enjoy it, accomplish some things, and look forward to another opportunity abroad.

Lately we’ve been getting these e-mails about a study abroad opportunity in Ghana. I didn’t really think much of the e-mails, because we receive a gazillion throughout the year. It wasn’t until some of our brothers and sisters of a lighter hue spoke about the program with some enthusiasm that I even gave it a second thought. Having just been exposed to the pleasure and pain of international travel, I can’t tell if considering the program is a desire or an urge. While in Italy I spoke with an instructor who had visited Africa and spent time in Senegal. Her experience came in handy as I headed to a nearby beach town and almost got took by a street vendor. I also spoke with a student who had visited South Africa, and she spoke highly of the trip. I was all for the possibility of applying until I went to Loyola’s International Programs website and read once you submit an application, and a study abroad deposit you are damn near married to the program even if eventually you aren’t accepted. That my friends is unacceptable. Even if you’re unsure of your selection for the program you cannot register for classes, or regiser for housing. Since this program would take place in the spring, I’d give up the housing I’m already guaranteed for the fall. While I’m now more willing to step out of my comfort zone, I don’t think I’m that willing to step away from reason. I cannot live at home. I went to boarding school for goodness sake, and have lived on campus at LoCo for the past two years. I would not do well if forced to live at home, it’s just not happening.

So I guess that means get your head out of the clouds and focus on the tasks at hand.

At work I began the summer by reviewing account information for several of our member jurisdictions. I work for a state Authority which consults with different jurisdictions (cities and counties) about public works needs primarily waste disposal needs. I have the task of being their public relations and communications ace. Each summer I get assigned different tasks from reviewing communications tools, writing and proofreading, to event planning. This summer I am apparently on the up and up. When I first came to work this summer our administrative assistant who knows all and is all, told me I’d be working with the big boss. Before I got to the big boss, my direct supervisor had a task for me to complete. It seems some funds may have inadvertently been misappropriated, and there may be possible litigation. What does this mean? Some six figure amount may have been inadvertently dispensed to the wrong party. What more does this mean? Possible litigation to recover the misappropriated funds.. What does this mean for me? I spent days perusing account statements looking for certain transactions which could have or have not taken place. Uh! Anyone who knows me knows that I am not a fan of math. As I often say the only numbers which I am a fan of, appear on my paycheck.

On Friday I was given a task which I think will actually both stimulate and challenge me. The big boss came and had a sit down with me on Friday. She discussed with me how it had been proposed to build two waste to energy facilities in two Maryland counties. (Waste to energy facilities turn the trash that you and I produce into usable energy!). There is some opposition to the plan, and the counties want some sort of communications tool to educate people about why the WTE facilities would be a good idea. They think possibly a video for use on their local public access stations might due the trick. Given that even President Bush and the federal government have gotten in trouble for VNR’s (video news releases), I know I’m walking a fine line. I’m still a journalist at the end of the day. So the powers that be want a video presentation, and I shall attempt to present one to them. All is fine with me because I’ve done some broadcast work in my time , but then there’s the possibility we can’t shoot new footage or do a new voiceover. Instead they want a slideshow with file video, not even a real slideshow maybe even a Powerpoint. I’m thinking ummm not going to work. Well not going to work and look decent, or more importantly credible. Instead I’m thinking of a multimedia approach involving a print article for web publication, a narrated slideshow (if I can get that done), and possibly a PowerPoint (uh dislike those) minus the video. I’d love to utilize video, I am broadcaster, but I don’t want any presentation to look totally amateurish or borderline unprofessional. If we find a way to get it done, fine, but if not we shall have to erect a new plan. Hopefully they’ll trust my judgement and allow me to get this done.

Oh and after the 9 to 5, I’m coming home to watch the Evening News, eat dinner, pop the feet up and read a book. Currently I’m reading “Sometimes Rhythm, Sometimes Blues” which was edited by Taigi Smith. I’ve also cracked open “Eats, Shoots, and Leaves” a book about something I loathe, that being grammar. Mmmm got to conquer those demons how we best know how. Right? Right.

-CNEL

Sunday, July 09, 2006

Weekly Words to Ponder

Sunday-
“There's nothing worse than being an aging young person.”
-Richard Pryor

Monday-
"I am certainly not an authority on love because there are no authorities on love, just those who've had luck with it and those who haven't."
-Bill Cosby

Tuesday-
“Most people don't know what it's like to stand up there and speak their mind. I have a venue to do that. I get paid to do that. It's not like I'm doing heavy lifting up there. It's not like I'm solving the world's problems. It's like I'm hanging out with a bunch of people and it's cool.”
-Dave Chappelle

Wednesday-
"The number one reason people hate America, the number one reason is because of our religion. Americans worship money, we worship money. Seperate God from school, seperate God from work, seperate God from government but on your money it says in God we trust. All my life I've been looking for God and He's right in my pocket. Americans worship money, and we all go to the same church the church of ATM, everywhere you look there's a new branch popping up... remind you about how much money you got and how much money you don't got. And if you got less than twenty dollars the machine won't even talk to you. The machine is like you better go see a teller."
-Chris Rock

Thursday-
"I work hard. The staff and crew see how much energy I put into this project, and it makes them step up."
-Wanda Sykes

Friday-
"God lets you be successful because he trusts you that you will do the right thing with it. Now, does he get disappointed often? All the time, because people get there and they forget how they got it."
-Steve Harvey

Saturday-
"No one is immune to the trials and tribulations of life."
-Martin Lawrence

The Birthday Debrief

Current mood: thankful

Currently Listening: Chris Brown and Ne-Yo

Chris Brown- Hot = Yo (Excuse Me Miss), Young Love, Ain't No Way (You Won't Love Me), Is This Love?, Poppin', Say Goodbye

Ne-Yo- Hot = Entire Album

Category: Life


Excerpts Taken from my MySpace Post on 7/8/06

Bold = Additions on 7/9/06

I don't know what to do with myself, I'm finally out of my teens.

I don't know what's on the agenda.

1) I need to eat.

So my friends Terrell, Bianca, and I went to TGI Friday's. I had the Jack Daniel's Chicken and Shrimp and a Caesar Salad. The only thing I'm ticked about is that my cranberry and pineapple mix always comes from the bar and is excessively overpriced! It's not like its alcohol. Back to Friday's the clown we had for a waiter insisted he'd have to charge me an arm and a leg for a refill in a non-kiddy glass. Clown. We shouldn't have left a tip. LoL.

2) I need to smile and laugh.

We went to see "The Devil Wears Prada" that should be a must see for anyone about to graduate college and looking for a job, but is a must see for anyone thinking of getting into communications be it advertising, marketing, public relations, and or journalism.

3) I need to drive, before I forget how.

I got to drive from my house to Loyola, where Bianca picked me up to drive me to movies. I'm not as rusty as I thought. CNEL is now collecting donations for his first whip.

4) I need to not come home till it's July 9th.

I came in after midnight, only cause I had no one left to hang out with, and I didn't feel like roaming and milling about by myself. One best friend is in China on assignment, and the other one is somewhere dealing with relationship drama. Also I was tired of being eye candy for people who were out of my league, and I will leave it at that. I didn't have the stomach, the desire, or will-power aka restraint to deal with that mess last night. I was too tired to be common sensical.

Oh and before I go, let me tell ya'll how Terrell set me up.

We go to the mall and he keeps hollerin' I got to use the bathroom.

Why does this clown lead me right into the store, where "my crush" and my self-proclaimed "should-be" future wife works? I was a little ticked, very embarrassed. If ya'll haven't heard the story. It's a really, really awkward situation with this immensely beautiful and intelligent young woman. Most days I find a way to act extremely awkward around her, and other days people like Terrell make me seem like a stalker? I'm almost to the point where I'm like "Christopher Ezekiel Nelson, that little fantasy of yours may forever be a fantasy." It isn't my fault she's the ideal. Why should I give up my dream of perfection? On her worst of days she could undo this writer's, writer's block, and make the story of our love the only story I wish to tell. But instead I may have to write a screenplay about it and it'd be "When Harry Met Sally" meets "Love Jones" meets "The Wood" meets "A Beautiful Mind", and that way I would get my happy ending.

All and all my B-Day was great. Thanks to Terrell and Bianca for showing me a nice time.

F.Y.I.
I plan to celebrate again, and again, and again with some special people in my life. Everyday I'm alive is in actuality a birthday because every second a new second, every minute a new minute, every hour a new hour, every day a new day, and every breath a new breath.

Not to long ago my mother asked her father my maternal grandfather if he thought he'd live to see me this aspiring broadcaster on television. The 77-year-old man replied, "Yes, I don't plan on going anywhere anytime soon." Me neither granddad, I don't plan on going anywhere too permanent anytime soon either, I have tooooooo much to live for, tooooooo much to look forward to, too much life to live.

P.S.

Thanks for the well wishes and support and prayers. I felt it all.

Saturday, July 08, 2006

I'm 20

How come I don't feel any different?

Maybe it's because life isn't all that different, atleast not yet.

What shall I do differently at 20?

Who knows?

I'll just resolve to live life better!

As you grow and mature, I just believe you should get iller and stay fresh.

I told my co-worker that summer was beginning to bore me.

She said, "Do something different. Do something you don't normally do....Take the long way home."

A.O. is always good for some philosophical saying haha, so as my day moves forward, I'll reflect on what to do differently at 20.

People keep saying I'm old.

Please

I'm just getting fresher as the days go by.

Watch me, watch me make my moves ;-) !

Tuesday, July 04, 2006

Indepedence Day

So on this Independence Day I decided to ponder that which we celebrate, that being independence.

I pay close attention in this particular entry to my independence as an individual.

So, last night I had a talk with one of the mentors. I called her to tell her that I'd make it back safely from the stay in Italy. I was a week late, because I couldn't find her cellie number. We talked about all things Christopher, and we know how much I love a captive audience! So we talked for about 35 minutes.

During the convo, she had to take another call.

Her: Hold on Chris.

Me: Ok.

Pause

Her: Ok, I'm back. Chris?

Me: Yes.

Her: That was my son, he's downtown with his little friend (said with a bit of exasperation).

Me: Oh, ok.

Her: Do you have a little friend?

Me: (Completely taken off guard). Ummm no. (Stuttering, sputtering, and all of the above.) I'm too busy to even look........I'm focused on school.......I'm focused on my career.

Yes, I said career. I'm all of 19 years, 11 months, and 27 days old.

As soon as I said that I thought to myself, "Self, we could have a problem."

Could it be I have a one track mind? Could it be I'm so focused on success, I'm prohibiting myself from being completely happy, content, and at peace with myself?

A few months ago a person who always tries to be my friend, but someone I really can't stand, spoke of this problem. She told me point blank, "Chris, I think you're sacrificing your personal life, sacrificing fun, for your so called professional life."

How in the heck can this happen? How can this happen given that so-called professional life really doesn't exist? For goodness sake I'm only about to be a junior in college. I do work, but only part-time. I do have obligations, but most are of my choosing. It could be I'm reading too much into the question of my singleness. I take my being unattached to be a true sign of my independence, and my desire to be happy with where I am, before engaging in helping someone else reach their ultimate level. I know it sounds like a cop out, but it's true.

I've been pondering how to celebrate the big birthday weekend and it was suggested that I find myself a nice young lady to spend the B-Day with, and then it was suggested that I have some type of gathering for the friends. I don't have time to do any planning for either. It's about to be a Red Robin/Hops/TGI Friday's and movies type weekend. I do want to get a cake, and pop the cork on a bottle of wine I brought back with me from Italy. Mmmm yum. I guess time will tell.

Oh and FYI C-Nel does accept cash, gift cards, gifts, phone calls, text messages, e-mails, blog comments, redeemable vouchers of support aka IOU's.

HaHa time for sleep the 6:30am wakeup call comes early.

-CNEL

Sunday, July 02, 2006

Wise Words

Sunday-
Order is not pressure which is imposed on society from without, but an equilibrium which is set up from within.
Jose Ortega y Gasset

Monday- One's dignity may be assaulted, vandalized and cruelly mocked, but cannot be taken away unless it is surrendered.
Michael J. Fox, in "Saving Milly" by Morton Kondrake

Tuesday-
There is nothing like returning to a place that remains unchanged to find the ways in which you yourself have altered.
Nelson Mandela, 'A Long Walk to Freedom'

Wednesday- The man who writes about himself and his own time is the only man who writes about all people and all time.
George Bernard Shaw

Thursday-
Be a good listener. Your ears will never get you in trouble.
Frank Tyger

Friday- It's amazing that the amount of news that happens in the world every day always just exactly fits the newspaper.
Jerry Seinfeld

Saturday-
You create your opportunities by asking for them. Patty Hansen