Speak On It

Too tired to post enjoy

Words of the Week

Sunday- “It is important to restore the sense of transcendence and the sacred, and not let human life be devalued, manipulated, or lost.” – Fr. Hans Kolvenbach

Monday- “If nobody has called you high-minded after sharing your vision, then your vision ain’t big enough.” –Noel Jones

Tuesday- “To make our way, we must have firm resolve, persistence, tenacity. We must gear ourselves to work hard all the way. We can never let up.”- Ralph Bunche

Wednesday- “Criticism, even when you try to ignore it, can hurt.” – Diana Ross

Thursday- “Jazz in itself is not struggling. That is, the music itself is not struggling... It's the attitude that's in trouble. My plays insist that we should not forget or toss away our history.” –August Wilson

Friday- “What you don't need is just as important as what you do need.” –Romare Bearden

Saturday- “When you have your head in a lion’s head, pull it out slowly.” –Unknown

One Tired...Hot Mess

In the words of Mimi I'm officially a hot mess.

I have two more weeks then I believe I'll sleep a whole hell of a lot well when I'm not checking out residents, doing room inspections, and b.s. like that.

I am so tired.

So drained.

I've decided I'm not doing any of the senior events namely going to the beach for senior week nor paying $70 to go to the semi-formal. It's not simply because I see both as a waste of money I really don't have to spend but I am not the beach type nor the prom type. I'm sure I'll be called everything but a child of God. I'll be called wack, boring, or prude. But I don't give a rat's ...

So back to the reasons I'm tired:

Yesterday

I went to my high school at 8:30 to interview people for my independent study project.

At 4:00pm I left to go to the wake for a friend's mother who died from breast cancer. For once in my life I was speechless. I mean I really couldn't even say more to her than I would pray for her and her family. I felt so much sadness because I know how much my friend's mother meant to her. I mean everyone's mother should theoretically hold a special place in their heart, but it's not always the case. My friend though loved her mother so. Her mom was only 66 I believe, the only daughter of a 83 year old mother who survived her. She was also just months shy of 42 years of marriage. After this I was emotionally drained.

Then I had to rush back to school to attend my school's Student Choice Awards where student leaders are recognized by their peers. I was an hour and a half late. Everytime I spoke to give someone their award I fumbled at one point doing "blah blah blah" into the mic. Embarassing right? Yeah. I got an award though and it made me tear up. Imagine my grown ass crying because someone read something nice about me.

Then later that night I went out. Fantastic right? But I helped plan the Student Choice Awards and the co-planners wanted to celebrate. Given that a) I showed up to the event hella late and b) given that I didn't want to go to bed depressed I went out. But yeah not my scene...and umm yeah I hate bars.

But I hung with the cuties:




Today

I was supposed to be back out at my high school at 8:00. I overslept. At 8:15 I got a call. Uh yeah sorry. I got fussed out by my mentor when she say me after I arrived at 10:30.

I did more interviews for my independent study.

I saw some jail bait.

Then I came back here for my grad school interview. It went so, so. I'm in no way confident. I may apply to one more program.

Then I went to the campus T.V. station for a meeting and was late to the floor meeting I was supposed to help lead with another R.A..

I was a hot mess.

Now I'm probably not going to sleep because I haven't packed for the ATL because my life has been a hot mess.

So yeah today will be very long.

So I'm about to print my boarding pass, pack, shower, and not go to sleep before my ride gets here at 6am.

I know I'm insane. Let's hope I don't need to get committed before it's all said and done.

In the Mix

Quick Update:

Graduation day is fast approaching.

Classes end on Monday.

I'm almost done being an R.A. minus that I have to check out the kids and inspect the rooms.

I'm almost done college guys.

Let's see about those classes, eh?

Internship: I'll likely finish up the first full week in May, though my boss has expressed interest in me staying on. He's a great boss, a tremendous mentor, but I'm broke and between lunch and bus fare for the past eight or so weeks I'm broke.

Independent Study: I'm interviewing a group of African American independent school (aka prep school) kids about their motivations for educational attainment. I'll ask what role their parents play, what role their peers play, and what role society plays in their decision making about educational attainment and how those outside influences impact their own self-identity and judgement.

Mag Publishing: I never talked about our project but we had to do a magazine prototype and our magazine was a teenage version of Essence and it's hot.

Criminal Justice: Our final is not a take home final. It's more of a group project where we work together to devise our ideal justice system.
Ooh and one of my group members is soooo hot. Not like $1.99 fine, but just overall an attractive person. Whew going miss that class.


Prospective Jobs:

I don't want to jinx myself.

Knocks on anything which looks like wood.

:-)

I did the writing test for one of those major cable networks. It'd be an entry level gig. Prayers said.... Fingers crossed they call me for my second interview.

I am supposed to set up an interview for a network owned and operated station in Philly. That would put me closer to best friend #1 whose attending UPenn med. I'm still working on that one.

I did the writing test for grad school and will be interviewed on Thursday night.

A prospective employer from outside the journalism field e-mailed me about a preliminary interview. He also included the salary range which I thought was interesting. Preliminary interview and salary range, don't want to read too much into it. Trust me for entry level anything two months out of school it's a good
range, but I'd earn my money.

And before I go today's music mix of songs on my mind, in my head, being played by me:



Citizen Cope - "Bullet and a Target"



Mario- "Music for Love"



Mary J. Blige - "Hurt Again"



Brian McKnight - "Everytime You Go Away"



Anthony Hamilton- "Pass Me Over"

Awards and Stuff (Mostly Stuff)

A few hours ago we had our Student Life Staff End of the Year Banquet. I've been an RA since August and I really could have done without it. No really if I had to do it all over again I wouldn't. If I were in college one more year, no repeats here. Back to the ceremony a few people got awards, I didn't and I could really care less. You see I hate having undo attention drawn to me. I know I've talked about it before. That's such an odd statement "I hate having undo attention drawn to me", it's a bit of a twisted reality when I've basically spent the last four plus years studying to become a broadcast journalist.

Sticking with the subject of awards I'm not sleep yet because I had to write biosketches for two people getting awards at our school's Student Choice Awards ceremony on Wednesday. Yeah I'm apart of the group coordinating the awards so had the task of writing something nice to say for those two people. I'll be getting an award on Wednesday, haha, yeah it's supposed to be secret but when you're in the room when the judging goes on, it's hard not to know that you won. What I don't know however is what has been written and therefore what will be said about me. Hmmm. The suspense the suspense the suspense.

Ok maybe I should go to bed. I have an important breakfast in a few hours. One of the last breakfastes with the President of my college, and I intern tomorrow oh what fun.

Before I go:

I'm not catholic but the pomp and circumstance and pagentry of the catholic church fascinates me. I remember watching as they named the pope three years ago. And to watch the coverage of his trip which began right down the road from me in D.C. was cool. Also cool was that he was here to celebrate the creation of several archdioceses the oldest of which began here in my hometown good old Bmore. To be 81 the man was moving pretty fast. And his shoes were fly:

http://www.npr.org/templates/story/story.php?storyId=89732516



Also someone finally posted a clip I've search YouTube long and hard for. It's a clip of Phylicia Rashad singing at the fictitious Hillman College on "The Cosby Show." Her voice amazing, the scene amazing.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=AflsFMXcgHo

I've beginning to realize that I'm coming to think of tomorrow as forever. I think I am putting too much weight on the first job out of college. Yes it'll be a stepping stone, yes it'll be a milestone, but tomorrow is no longer forever. People have so many options and like cats we know have nine lives. Okay maybe not nine but maybe a good three. God willing I could have multiple careers when I'm trying to limit myself to just one.

That's all for now.



G'nite all.

Words of the Week

Sunday-"Blues are the songs of despair, but gospel songs are the songs of hope." -Mahalia Jackson

Monday- "The way I was taught, being black was a plus, always. Being a human being, being in America, and being black, all three were the greatest things that could happen to you. The combination was unbeatable." -Leontyne Price

Tuesday- "The fact of the matter is, you don't give up what's natural. Anything I've fantasized about, I've done." -Ray Charles

Wednesday- "People with no humor, they're outta my life." -Patti Labelle

Thursday- "Mama was my greatest teacher, a teacher of compassion, love and fearlessness. If love is sweet as a flower, then my mother is that sweet flower of love.' -Stevie Wonder

Friday- "I don't care how small the game. I want to win." -Brian McKnight

Saturday- "That's the message I want to give to every up-and-coming artist: Do everything that is going to help you later. If you clone somebody else, that's all they're gonna keep wanting from you." -Mary J. Blige

What Stories to Tell?

It's turning out to be one of the most complicated job applications ever.

So if they like me they'll send me writing samples.

They'll then interview me.

Then they'll tell me if I got.

It could be eight weeks though before I know. But I graduate in 3.

They asked me what type of stories I'd like to do.

I said stories about urban life, education, young people.

I should have stories like the one's "The Wire" dared to tell.

Then again I like little behind the scenes vignettes like this one.



And I'd love to do profile pieces.

This just reminds me that my whole life's ahead of me, my whole career.

G Day in four weeks it's surrreal.

Reporter's Notebook

So for those who don't know I'm interning wth the investigative unit of a local T.V. station.

Aside from researching, pulling tapes, just being a proverbial fly on the newsroom wall. I also from time to time accompany photographers who are sent out to get video for stories. Today the photographer and I were told to go to the scene of an alleged stabbing at a local high school.

When we arrived on the scene it was weird because we entered one of the school's parking lots which was near a gym. The students there didn't know anything about what was going on. Others told their friends to be leery of me and not to "snitch". I then had to make it clear that despite the blazer and tie that I'm a newsman not a policeman.

We drove around to other parts of campus. We still couldn't find out anything. Finally I got on the phone I called a friend, who told me to call a friend of her's. I got it confirmed that an individual had been stabbed inside the school, the alleged victim left campus of his own accord reported the incident to his mother, who then reported it to police.

Each time we tried to gather information from students they'd either say they weren't snitching or remind their friends not to snitch. I have to remember Baltimore gave rise to this:



I don't take for granted that people have to protect themselves, it's just disturbing that it starts so early. If people selectively silence themselves and refuse to speak up, just when will they stand up and say something. What will matter enough for them to speak up and speak out?

I just wonder if a culture is developing which will put more people at risk than are protected.

Words of the Week

Sunday -“Our own brain, our own heart is our temple; the philosophy is kindness.”- Dalai Lama, spiritual leader of Tibetan buddhists

Monday- "There is no room in the United States of America for second-class citizenship." - Dalip Singh Saund, first Asian Congressman

Tuesday - “Who knows where inspiration comes from. Perhaps it arises from desperation. Perhaps it comes from the flukes of the universe, the kindness of the muses.”- Amy Tan, Author

Wednesday- “Try to love someone who you want to hate, because they are just like you, somewhere inside, in a way you may never expect, in a way that resounds so deeply within you that you cannot believe it.” –Margaret Cho, Comedienne

Thursday- "It's a greater sense of peace. We pray for the right purpose, the right attitude." –Michael Chang, Retired Tennis Player on family prayer

Friday- “I work with structure, but I go outside the box and give it my own spin.” –Vera Wang, Designer

Saturday- “You know, I like to be competitive. I mean, it's all part of the game. But, yes, sure, I'd rather not have it.” –Connie Chung, Journalist

Loved This

I watched this movie before going to bed at like 4am this morning.

I know I'm late. Part of it pulled at my heart strings but I'm most def a sucker for happy endings.

Love This Song

Words of the Week

Sunday- "The real miracle is the love that inspires them. In this sense everything that comes from love is a miracle." -Marianne Williamson

Monday- "The challenge of social justice is to evoke a sense of community that we need to make our nation a better place, just as we make it a safer place" -Marian Wright Edelman

Tuesday - My concern has always been for the people who are victimized, unable to speak for themselves and who need outside help. -Joan Baez

Wednesday - "The essence of a free life is being able to choose the style of living you prefer free from exclusion and without the compulsion of conformity or law." -Eleanor Holmes Norton

Thursday "Love is a verb." -Clare Boothe Luce

Friday- "Society as a whole benefits immeasurably from a climate in which all persons, regardless of race or gender, may have the opportunity to earn respect, responsibility, advancement and remuneration based on ability." -Sandra Day O'Connor

Saturday- "You just try to do everything that comes up. Get up an hour earlier, stay up an hour later, make the time." -Ruby Dee

This Friggin Camera

I'm pretty sure that I need a new camera.

I went to my school's Black Student Association fashion show last night.

Too bad my camera didn't agree to act right, you guessed it until now.

First my camera kept saying my new batteries needed to be replaced.

Then it stopped taking pictures.

Then it took blurry pictures.

This was a significant inconveniece because my used to be biggest crushes were both in the fashion show.

I had VIP seating and couldn't even be paparazzo.

See...

The Usual and The Unusual

I'm sitting in my room doing the usual watching T.V., looking for jobs.

No. Not to make it seem like I have no life. It was just really important for me to watch "Eyewitness to Murder: The King Assassination".

I view this as important way to recognize the death of Martin Luther King forty years after the assissination after his death.

When I think of his death I think of how you measure a life. The measure of a man.

Sidney Poitier says his father said to him, ‘The measure of a man is how well he provides for his children.’

What then can be said if a man provides for a nation?

I'm so excited that CNN is looking at the measure of this man, albeit in death, they look at man's measure his legacy.

Everytime I think of my greatest achievements which are of course yet to come I remember the saying, "You can live for a cause, or you can live just because."

I hope to find my cause.

So it means so much to be able to sit here and do the usual, and to marvel at the unusual.

Oh and check out this website. I can't wait til June when CNN lays it down looking at what it means to be "Black in America" It means much, so much.

Everybody Hates Chris or Everybody Loves Chris

The last few months or so have been a reality check of sorts.

Life sometime's doesn't go the way it's planned in your mind, the way it's planned on paper.

I've been fortunate.

I've been blessed.

No matter what I tell myself mine is a charmed life.

No it hasn't been easy by any means, but as I've heard a time or two "Life isn't easy."

Maybe it isn't supposed to be easy if you're doing it right.

My plans well in a sense they are no more.

Me "Mr. Give Yourself Options" might be running out.

I applied to grad school yesterday using $60 I don't really have.

I didn't expect to be applying to graduate school.

Maybe God has a much different plan for my life.

Sometimes I feel hated.

Sometimes I feel loved.

Sometimes I don't feel at all.

Does everybody hate me?

Does everybody love me?

Or like me are they indifferent?

Life is very complex.

If you're doing it right, maybe it's not supposed to be easy, maybe it wasn't meant to be simple.

My Heart's in Texas

One of my aunts is dying of cancer. The doctor’s recently told her that there’s nothing more they can do for her, and they sent her home. God I’m tearing up just thinking about it.

I called her the other day and even though we don’t talk as much as we should, she knew exactly who was calling. "Hello my favorite nephew," she said. I wanted to say, "Aunt Bettye you’re not supposed to have favorites." But I didn’t. I didn’t say a word. I just smiled my knowing smile. Of course I'm the favorite, just kidding.

My Aunt Bettye is one of four aunts who aside from my mother and my late maternal grandmother have the most say in and most sway over my life. My mother has five sisters, and my "father" has six sisters.

My Aunt Bettye is special. If my mother ever had problems out of me, as rare as those were, it wasn't past her to call Aunt Bettye. A call from Aunt Bettye would make you sit down, shut up, and get southern ("yes ma'am", "no ma'am" came with a quickness).

My aunt said to me as she always does that I have made her proud. It means so much because when she says it she says it with all seriousness and sincerity.

She said her only wish is to live to see me graduate in May, and that God willing she'll do the same for my cousin, the only daughter she's ever known.

Before she let me go she asked me about my job interview last weekend. After I told her I didn’t want to pursue it, because it wasn’t what I wanted, she had a word of advice. "Just know that you’re going to have to do some things in your life that you don’t want to do."

It was as sobering as the sound of her voice, as serious as the tone of her voice, and said with as much sincerity as she could muster.

I knew then that real life was upon me.