It's Been So Long

Hello world.

I hope I hasn't been gone so long that I've been forgotten.

The work before the election and right after kept me hella busy.

I've also been trying to find my blog voice on that other blog.

Other than that I'm trying my best to find that ever illusive thing called contentment.

So yeah that's me right now.

Oh and these last few days I've been feeling under the weather.

Monday I started having a sore throat which got worst in worst.

By Thursday I'd developed a sore throat and a bad headache so I called in sick stayed home, ate soft foods, drank lots of tea, and also drank an apple cider vinegar, honey, and water concocoction.

Friday I went to work, but wasn't a hundred percent.

Thanks to Twitter I got another tip boiled water with ginger root and scallions. So I drank a big cup of it this morning. I'll drink more later, and probably again tomorrow.

I so need to be well like a lot of others I don't do well sick.

The Territories and Reservoirs of My Past

You ever find yourself thinking of what could have been?

For some reason a little earlier it popped into my head when I was in an accident back in middle school. I was in 6th grade we were heading to the state capitol in Annapolis but we didn't make it because we were in a bus accident. The bus we were riding in got hit by a truck whose brakes got stuck and we ended up running up on a median strip. Thank God I was just a little sore and nothing more serious happened. What stands out to me from that day was that from where the accident happened, you could see the state capitol building. Instead of visiting Annapolis we got on a bus and headed back to Bmore. Remembering this incident made me think of what could have been?

Have you ever been at that point in life where you were almost there, almost somewhere, you could see it on the horizon and then you just turned back? Something forces you to turn back. I guess it better that than to then be left wishing you could unring a bell.

I texted the former "Cuddle Buddy" earlier today to see how she was. I had seen her a day or two earlier walk past my dorm. One of the things I'll miss about my dorm room is my view. I'm on the top floor but can look across to the women's college next door to my school, where the buildings are old so it looks like a real college. HaHa. No, or I can look down and see the people walking beneath my window. When I saw her the other day my mind wondered what could have been. Not because I feel the same, think the same, see the same as I did years ago. But at one point she did it for me as Algebra sings. It's just it hit me when we say goodbye, and that's if we say goodbye on Saturday, it'll be for a while. And because remember Best Friend #3 believes she is "broken" and this must mean she can't be fixed. Ha. But it doesn't stop to wandering to the territory in my past where she resides and it doesn't stop me from wondering what could have been.

The same goes for a lot of people who either hold or will soon hold places in the territories and reservoirs of my past. Time nor distant sometimes keeps me from wondering.

"Harvard Girl" A Story in Multiple Parts Pt. 4

Classes ended, and exams were over.

I thought my year was over.

While attending graduation at my school was mandatory, I was atleast supposed to have a few days off between moving off campus, and coming back to school for the graduation.

People had other plans for me.

I had recently been elected President of the Honor Council, the body charged with educating people about, and also enforcing the Honor Code. It turns out I would have a major hearing. I would preside over the hearing, and also be the voice of the council who informed the administration of our decision.

That particular hearing was tough because I knew the accused, I knew about the alleged incident, and much more. Still I went into my first hearing as President plegding to be focused, to be objective, and to be fair.

It would be easy it was work, I was always about my business.

Life rarely happens that easy, guess who had recently been elected to represent her class on the Honor Council. Sitting in the hearings I was already sick to my stomach. Presiding over hearings made me extremely nervous. I'm talking sweaty palms, anxiety, the works. I knew I had earned the right to be there, was more than capable of holding my own, had earned people's respect, and that people also admired me for my personal integrity. Still I felt a tremendous responsibility rested on my shoulders.

Add to my already nervous feelings the fact that SHE was in my PRESENCE and it didn't help
After the hearing, after the deliberations, we said nothing to each other. When eye contact was made I'd look down. I didn't want her to see the look of longing in my eyes. I couldn't shake it, shake what I was somehow feeling.

For some reason, this confident boy becoming a man, became shy when it involved this petite girl, four years my junior. But with her it was NOT about WHAT I WAS, it wasn't about age, it wasn't about titles,it was about WHO I was. I wanted the chance to prove to her that all that mattered was what could be between us.

After that day I thought I wouldn't see her again until I was a senior.

Wrong again.

It had totally slipped my mind that she had applied to become a member of the same board that I had joined the year before. She'd been turned onto the board by me. Why? I had seen her passion for giving back, and helping others.

Once she joined the board my best friend Epsi became acquainted with her. He failed to see why I was so enamored, but it didn't matter to me. Our boys can't always see what we see. At a certain point it also doesn't really matter.

We saw each other maybe once or twice over the summer for board meetings. After meetings she dipped out. I floated around elsewhere until I was sure she was gone. No one knew why I was "acting funny" and thankfully they didn't pick up on it until later.

It turns out some people would soon find out, before my senior year even began. And no, I didn't tell them all.

To be continued...