The Territories and Reservoirs of My Past

You ever find yourself thinking of what could have been?

For some reason a little earlier it popped into my head when I was in an accident back in middle school. I was in 6th grade we were heading to the state capitol in Annapolis but we didn't make it because we were in a bus accident. The bus we were riding in got hit by a truck whose brakes got stuck and we ended up running up on a median strip. Thank God I was just a little sore and nothing more serious happened. What stands out to me from that day was that from where the accident happened, you could see the state capitol building. Instead of visiting Annapolis we got on a bus and headed back to Bmore. Remembering this incident made me think of what could have been?

Have you ever been at that point in life where you were almost there, almost somewhere, you could see it on the horizon and then you just turned back? Something forces you to turn back. I guess it better that than to then be left wishing you could unring a bell.

I texted the former "Cuddle Buddy" earlier today to see how she was. I had seen her a day or two earlier walk past my dorm. One of the things I'll miss about my dorm room is my view. I'm on the top floor but can look across to the women's college next door to my school, where the buildings are old so it looks like a real college. HaHa. No, or I can look down and see the people walking beneath my window. When I saw her the other day my mind wondered what could have been. Not because I feel the same, think the same, see the same as I did years ago. But at one point she did it for me as Algebra sings. It's just it hit me when we say goodbye, and that's if we say goodbye on Saturday, it'll be for a while. And because remember Best Friend #3 believes she is "broken" and this must mean she can't be fixed. Ha. But it doesn't stop to wandering to the territory in my past where she resides and it doesn't stop me from wondering what could have been.

The same goes for a lot of people who either hold or will soon hold places in the territories and reservoirs of my past. Time nor distant sometimes keeps me from wondering.

Back at School

So I'm back at school.

We have two days of R.A training. As I said before I don't know what they are going to teach me that I don't already know.

After an afternoon of doing different reflection activities, we went out to dinner. We went to Towson Diner, which is apparently a staple for LoCo students, but I'd never been there. Go figure. My mother says I'm a contrarian and always say what I'm not going to do. She's right. But I never follow people. I didn't get to where I am by following other people, rather than leading my own path. I ended up having a cheese burger deluxe, which equalled a burger, fries, and cole slaw. It was all good.

Later we had to stop by a gathering of all the RA's with some booty doo karoke. Ummm pass.

So I went back to the dorm and I helped a friend move back in to the dorm. We made like three trips from her car to her dorm room. My homie had a lot of stuff. So we decided to take a ride in search of dessert. Instead of searching for a place we decided on one of her favorite spots Bill Bateman.

I interrupt this blog to announce I like this song, which was playing on the car ride to Bateman's.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Q6_Pwu9DFBM

Natasha Bedingfield's "Love Like This"

I concede, I'm probably late, but I don't listen to the radio. I'm too busy doing other stuff.

Back to the blog...

So she treated me to dessert at Bill Bateman's. Yeah it's the wing lace but it also has good wings. I don't remember what we shared but it involved a chocolate chip cookie baked in a skillet topped with ice cream, and fudge. Delish.

What wasn't delish. The stares I got from jump. As soon as I walked into the place stares and glares. Damn, can't be seen with a white woman? The hostess looked like she wanted to say something. Then there was a black couple sitting a table away, after staring for a minute they got over. Then enter a younger black couple and the woman at the table did not stop eyeing me. I was like damn, see something you like.

Yeah, I was a little bothered by it.

I love black love.

I finally got around to watching "Will You Marry Me" on Essence.com

It was coo my fave couple Davon and Nerisse, yes, I agreed with J's sugestion. My second favorite Demetrius and Chrissy. But I def liked Davon's proposal the best.

I'm all for black love but people need to get over their perceptions of what's legit or not.

First, I wasn't on a date. Second, if I were to date outside my race I don't think I should be looked at as a science experiment. Nor should I be shot "that look", which equals the look of scorn.

People irkin me already making me count down til I jet for San Antonio.

What's even better is that once I get back I have a day off. We're celebrating MLK Day on the 21st. It actually sucks because although I don't have class, I just realized I don't have class anyways. Monday's is one of the days for the internship and I'll probably have to go in, cause the news doesn't give the day off. There goes sleeping in!

Holla.

And Now a Word From Our Fellow Blogger Epsilonicus

"If I lived in Texas you'd be a godfather by now."

It all started with a text.

It was actually his way of sending out an S.O.S.

Well actually Eps first called me last night. He called to say his phone was working, and for me to call him back. That never happened yesterday. Unfortunately I was pissed off, and not feeling so well. I guess you could say more angry than sick. In fact the anger may be why I didn't feel so well. Now, as opposed to when I was younger, I sleep when angry. I just sleep it off. I put the phone on the charger, turn the ringer off. I put on the headphones, if I'm not tired. I tune something in, tune other things out. I drift off into sleep. I sleep it off. Why? As to avoid doing anything stupid or crazy.

So apparently Bestie #1 (he's #1 cause I met him first) didn't lose the phone, he just lost service in the phone. The dude was out hanging out and he got his phone wet. He had to wait until now for weeks he for it to dry out.
In that time they've made headway on their excavation. They're digging 10 cm length, 10 cm width, and 10 cm in depth, 100 cubic centimeters. Eps's crew is digging new the site of a 19th century home. The archaeologists and anthropologists in training believe they are at a site where a 1870's era house once stood. Eps's assignment is to dig near what he believes was the porch area. He says he's found broken glass and other clues. Another student is digging near a fireplace, and she's found things such as sewing needles. They definitely believe someone would sit near the fireplace and sew. Years of rain, dust, and nature taking its course has buried much of what they will now find.

Fascinating.

Eps and I circa 2005...I look the same..homeboy now has dreadlocks.

Even though I joke one best friend is poised to dig into people (med student possible surgeon), and another one is poised to dig in dirt (Eps the archaeology major).

KG and I circa 2005....he's the Univ. of Pennsylvania (Ivy League) bound med student.

I guess I shouldn't make fun cause I'll be digging up stories.

He also talked about being torn between his 2 girls from Eerie, 2 girls in Bmore, 2 girls in field school with him digging in dirt, and the locals.

"In town I see girls: white girls, black girls, they all have bubble butts."

I guess we know what that dude has on the brain.

I can't blame him his ex is straight tripping. He hates my "ideal woman". I claim his ex when she ain't tripping. He often calls her "your friend" when he ain't busy calling her just well, "her". But since they been in Texas, "her" has been tripping. I kind of sort of don't want to claim her.

"I be in Wal-mart like a kid in a candy store"..."How old is you, are you 18? Preferably 23, I need a girl with a job and some benefits who can help take care of me."

For some reason I don't think he was joking.

He says to send all our fellow bloggers, some blogger love. In 2.5 weeks, he says he'll be back in blogger world.

Editors Note: Notice the change in disposition with the two best friends. Note Eps is the clown, KG's the serious one. One keeps me grounded, the other keeps me focused. Balance, folks, balance. LoL.

"Harvard Girl" A Story in Multiple Parts Pt. 4

Classes ended, and exams were over.

I thought my year was over.

While attending graduation at my school was mandatory, I was atleast supposed to have a few days off between moving off campus, and coming back to school for the graduation.

People had other plans for me.

I had recently been elected President of the Honor Council, the body charged with educating people about, and also enforcing the Honor Code. It turns out I would have a major hearing. I would preside over the hearing, and also be the voice of the council who informed the administration of our decision.

That particular hearing was tough because I knew the accused, I knew about the alleged incident, and much more. Still I went into my first hearing as President plegding to be focused, to be objective, and to be fair.

It would be easy it was work, I was always about my business.

Life rarely happens that easy, guess who had recently been elected to represent her class on the Honor Council. Sitting in the hearings I was already sick to my stomach. Presiding over hearings made me extremely nervous. I'm talking sweaty palms, anxiety, the works. I knew I had earned the right to be there, was more than capable of holding my own, had earned people's respect, and that people also admired me for my personal integrity. Still I felt a tremendous responsibility rested on my shoulders.

Add to my already nervous feelings the fact that SHE was in my PRESENCE and it didn't help
After the hearing, after the deliberations, we said nothing to each other. When eye contact was made I'd look down. I didn't want her to see the look of longing in my eyes. I couldn't shake it, shake what I was somehow feeling.

For some reason, this confident boy becoming a man, became shy when it involved this petite girl, four years my junior. But with her it was NOT about WHAT I WAS, it wasn't about age, it wasn't about titles,it was about WHO I was. I wanted the chance to prove to her that all that mattered was what could be between us.

After that day I thought I wouldn't see her again until I was a senior.

Wrong again.

It had totally slipped my mind that she had applied to become a member of the same board that I had joined the year before. She'd been turned onto the board by me. Why? I had seen her passion for giving back, and helping others.

Once she joined the board my best friend Epsi became acquainted with her. He failed to see why I was so enamored, but it didn't matter to me. Our boys can't always see what we see. At a certain point it also doesn't really matter.

We saw each other maybe once or twice over the summer for board meetings. After meetings she dipped out. I floated around elsewhere until I was sure she was gone. No one knew why I was "acting funny" and thankfully they didn't pick up on it until later.

It turns out some people would soon find out, before my senior year even began. And no, I didn't tell them all.

To be continued...

Epsi and My's Adventures

Many of you know one of my two best friends. One of the two men who are like brothers to me. One of them is a fellow blogger. Gary aka Epsilonicus and I have known each other for nearly eleven years. We went to the same middle school. Imagine this, some sixty-five or so boys mostly black but with a few Hispanic, Native American, and Caucasian faces sprinkled throughout, coming together in search of one thing, a quality education. It was billed as an opportunity for us to gain academic enrichment as well as life skills. Our common bond, we were all and most of us are to this day intelligent, ambitious, driven, responsible, passionate, and focused. We came from low-income, disadvantaged, poor families however you want to call it.

What connected us and our lives was that together with our families sometimes mothers and fathers, mostly mothers, grandmothers, grandfathers, and extended families committed to do what it took for us to elevate ourselves and our lives. We were determined to give ourselves an opportunity to benefit from an education which would allow us to surpass the offerings of our troubled public schools. It started with Saturday enrichment classes for about three hours on Saturday morning's from January until April. This I still remember it consisted of waking up getting dressed, eating breakfast, a drive by my granddad, or a bus ride with my mom to the Academy. This was literally a way of improving our skills, but also a way of testing us to see if we could make it at St. I. Then those who survived were offered spots in a month long summer program in July. This was that second test to see if you could make it at the Academy.

I still remember how I met Eps. There was Adrian this kid who also wanted to attend St. I. Adrian was smart like the rest of us, Adrian also liked clowning. Adrian and I used to after summer class go by the store, then take the bus home. Adrian one day introduced me to Gary. Gary and I stayed friends. Through three years of middle school we got to know each other. Now that I think about it the one time I was really mad at that negro was when he said something about my mom. I wanted to knock his behind out. We got over it. We would hang out after school before we went to the bus stop, we'd call each other, compare homework notes. This fool got me into my first long distance relationship. HaHa her name was Angel and within the period of like two months she had dated me, Gary, and another guy we went to middle school with Devin. HaHa that brings back memories. I would never live down dating someone I had never seen. LoL we phone dated for like a month I think. HaHa. We were dumb in middle school.

When 8th grade came we did what St. I boys do. We went to high school fairs and applied to about as many high schools as some people apply to colleges. Gary chose to attend one prep school in north Baltimore. His high school had more of a reputation for being academically challenged, but more inclined to be artistic, free thinkers, and peace makers (a Quaker school. I chose to attend a non-sectarian 5 day boarding school in Baltimore County, a school which sits on 8 acres, has its own horse barn, and tons of other stuff. I definitely have pride in my high school. I still consult them on diversity matters.

Going from an all-male, mostly black Catholic school to elite private schools was a different experience. Academically we were prepared. Socially we had to adjust. Going to separate schools separated us for a bit. Then in my sophomore year of high school Gary nominated me to serve on the board of a youth grantmaking organization. He was already on the board when I joined. This meant we saw each other a few times a month. Then as time went on and diversity advocacy became my forte we'd see each other at local diversity conferences too. We called each other, we e-mailed each other, we served in the community together. We kept close ties. We were a support system for each other. Few people can understand the sacrifices we made to get where we are today. Yet we get each other. I respect him, admire him, aspire to be like him IN SOME REGARDS, he could learn from me in others.

Now we're about to be seniors in college, but one thing stands in our way. Summer.

It hit me the other day as I read his letter from a hot Florence, Texas, that we've accomplished so much in the twenty years we've been on this planet. It amazed me how far we've come as we've journeyed from boys to men. He wrote of the challenges working 10 hour days, of feeling alone, of lack of communication, and prejudice "My dog has never seen a black person before" yes some woman told him that. On the up side he's decided he may find his future wife in Texas, as long as the wedding's in Maryland. He's also excited to be doing research, to be completing an actual dig.

I know my "first" best friend can make it because he's a strong black man.

Real friendships are hard to come by, luckily I have many. Epsi and I have added a mutual friend to the crew. I have two best friends now, yea, I upgraded during high school. Good thing my two best friends also like each other.

Epsi's doing it big.

My other bestie Kenny is headed to the University of Pennsylvania School of Medicine this fall.

Watch out cause between the three of us there's a future journalist, a future archaeologist, anthropologist, and professor, and a future M.D.