That was Me Then, This is Me Now

Feeling: Slightly Overwhelmed, Slightly Disconcerted, Discontented
Listening: Musiq Soulchild "Betterman"


That Was Me Then

"When I was a child, I talked like a child, I thought like a child, I reasoned like a child. When I became a man, I put childish ways behind me."
1 Corinthians 13:11

So not too long ago I got through with a "College Shuttle Confession". I don't do Taxi Cabs so there was no "Taxi Cab Confession". I was however travelling from one side of campus to another on a rainy night. I was talking to one of the shuttle drivers about my feeling overwhelmed. Quite honestly at this point in my school year, at this point in my life, I want to take time to be selfish.

As has been pointed out to me before (by my mother, by J, and by others )my natural inclination is to take care of others. And now I'm realizing that definitely needs to change.


This Is Me Now

I'm realizing now that if I am to be happy. I need to a) cut back b) give myself time to get done what I need to get done c)learn to say no d)let people learn to do for themselves e) maybe even learn to allow people to do for me. As I have said time and time again, I am forever a work in progress. I don't believe in the idea of perfection. I do however believe in giving one's best. Right now I can honestly say I'm not giving my best at any one thing, and that simply isn't good enough. No one who relies on my really deserves to be shortchanged, and most of all I shouldn't accept shortchanging myself.

Notice how the picture of me then, is bigger than the picture of me now. As with a lot of people at this stage in life, I want so desperately to be free. It's normal to want to be the adult, and I know next year at this time I'll want to be back where I am. If it's the natural progression of things, I guess I'll learn to appreciate what I have when I have it. I'll look back and wish I would have made more of it, no.

The challenge is to make the most with what I have now. I got it. Let's get it. I hope :-)