Made Me Think

I read this and said wow. Kind of one of those times
when you don't know whether to laugh or cry.

From NPR.org

NPR listener Betsy Chalmers was 22 when her husband
was convicted of a crime and sent to prison. After
spending almost three decades apart from him, she
believes in remaining faithful.

August 7, 2006

Faithfulness
by Betsy Chalmers

I believe in faithfulness.

I met him when I was 19, married him at 20 and we were
separated when I turned 22 because he was arrested for
and then convicted of a violent crime. He had failed
himself, his family, his wife and his future, but he
was my husband. I was mad, sad, disappointed and
frightened, but I loved him, and he needed me, so I
stayed.

I stayed through weeks of trials, years in jail and
decades in prison. I have faith in the covenant of
marriage and of the God we stood before when we took
those vows. I have faith in my husband and his ability
to grow and change and become a better man, no matter
where he is -- and he has. I have faith that time
makes changes in us all we cannot avoid or ignore.

I am now 50. He is 55. He is still my husband and my
best friend. I see him four hours every weekend and I
talk to him on the phone twice a week for 20 minutes.
I am not deceived or a martyr. I am not stupid,
uneducated or desperate. I am a wife. I work, have a
mortgage, a 9-year-old car, two dogs and bills just
like everyone else. This is so close to me, it is hard
sometimes to realize I am only one wife of over 2
million people who live behind bars. I have not made
many friends at the prison. I keep that part of my
life separate, but it's always there -- always a part
of every decision and choice I make.

Somewhere in here I think I'm supposed to say I
believe my husband is innocent, that the system didn't
work and we're victims of whatever, but that isn't the
point. How do we choose what crime is over the edge,
or what sin is too great to be forgiven? Yes, I get
angry at the situation. I have grieved the loss of
many of the normal things others have done, like
having children and vacations abroad. This is not the
life I would have expected for myself 30 years ago and
it isn't one I recommend to others, but it is my life.

At 50, I have come to the conclusion it is not the
life I have that defines me, it is the way I choose to
live that life. I choose to live it being faithful.
This brings me peace, this allows me to have joy, this
keeps me aware of my husband. My spiritual faith has
given me the foundation to live this life, not just
survive it. Faith in a God who has not abandoned me;
faith in a man who loves me; faith in myself. I
believe in faithfulness.

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