Who Should You Love More?

I've been up since like 3 a.m. and I still don't know why.

Anywho weirdness this morning as I sat listening to Kindred The Family Soul: a husband-wife neo-soul singing duo. My ITunes went from their song "In This Life Together" to an interlude "Husband My Daddy" which includes mom Aja and the couple's daughter both claiming dad Fatin as their own. When one is a husband or wife and also a father or mother there is a natural tug of war between the two loyalties. Though that of course doesn't mean that one can't do both with love, compassion, and a generosity of spirit.

As I reflected on what I know of Kindred: The Family Soul, I knew that family was the center of their world.

Then I flipped through yesterday's USA Today and spent a moment reading about the writer, Ayelet Waldman. Waldman got into a bit of trouble because she once wrote that she loved her husband more than she loved her children. In a way I understand what she meant. She obviously doesn't feel she'd been a mother without her husband, nor could she be a good mother without the love and support of her husband. Some people feel that being validated as a man or woman, husband and wife equips them to be a better parent.

With all of this I do believe in separate loves. I think your love for your husband or wife is one love, and the love for your children is another.

Then she said, "There's a saying that the most important thing a man can do for his children is to love their mother."

That was definite food for thought for me, even though I don't want children.

At a time in which many marriages seem to be disipating thus eroding stability without households it is important for men and women to understand the natural correlation between duties as a husband or wife, lover and friend, and how that in many cases that aides one's ability to be a parent whose fully engaged and fully present for their children.