Why'd You Have to Say It Like That?

So, I have this co-worker. The only time we really see each other is on the days when we both work up at the school. When we do see each other, we generally have nice chit chats. There's not ever really a lot to talk about, but we manage. I guess you could say that we enjoy each other's company, but that could be overstating it, maybe just a bit. But at the same time according to some of our co-workers, smiles or laughs can no longer just be innocent. Well, anyways for some reason people have begun to assume that the two of us are in a relationship. No one has explicitly said anything to us, but people give us those looks. Our supers don't let one leave for home without the other. We both know that we aren't in a relationship but sometimes it takes ssome explaining for other people to realize that we're both telling the truth. So one day recently someone finally made a comment.

My co-worker responds,
"He's not my boyfriend, trust me, I have a boyfriend. We're not related, we're not together, we're just friends."

I knew that everything she said was true, but dang. I wanted to ask, " Damn, why'd you have to say it like that?"

Upon further reflection I realize that even if the two of us were both in want of a relationship, which we're both not, it probably wouldn't work.

I think both of us have this ideal, I'm not sure what hers is, but I know what my ideal is right now.

You see I have these working lists which grow and expand, and are changed almost daily. The lists change as I encounter different people who I believe could quite possibly live up to the ideal, or who make me question if I'm too demanding.

Some parts of the list are pretty standard:

Must be attractive. (I have a short attention span, I can't be depended upon to maintain interest if I'm constantly distracted. Call me shallow, call me vain, I call me real. Most people know damn well they're thinking this.)
Must be single. (Don't mislead me. Don't be in that phase where "It's Complicated, I like my life simple.)
Must be grown. (I don't have time to play games, I'm on a mission.)
Must be drug free.
Must be disease free.
Must be kid free. (This is really important, if you're my age).
Must be hang up free. (Learn to let go of stuff, or atleast give me the ability to disprove the notions.)
Must be dead-weight free. (My exes and your exes are not relevant to me.)
Must be of one mind. (Feel free to be crazy and deranged elsewhere).
Must have a college education, or be obtaining one.
Must have a job or something you do to support your own self. (I mean something has to make you not totally dependent on me, no golddigging, partners share.)
Must be respectful of the African-American male. (Please none of that all men are dogs ish. I'm not all men, I'm an individual.)
Must be a good conversationalist. (I talk a lot, please be able to get me to shut up. I really can be a good listener.)
Must be remotely interesting.(See above comment about attention span).
Must be forward thinking. (Please be somewhere on the same page, different paragraphs fine, but same page, please.)
Must like to spend some time at home alone or entertaining. ( I love, love love just getting together for dinner and conversations. I love chips and real dip, and them grape juices which look like wine, cause I don't drink).
Must be interested in African-American culture.
Must be interested in community improvement.
Must like to read.
Must enjoy good books. (Zane is okay, but please read real books.)
Must enjoy good music (Gospel, Hip Hop, R & B, Neo-Soul, Jazz, Funk).
Must enjoy good movies. (See Crooklyn, Love Jones, Hav Plenty, Philadelphia, When Harry Met Sally, Good Night, and Good Luck, Lean on Me, She Hate Me, Crash, Ray)
Must like good TV. (Grey's Anatomy, Girlfriends, Law and Order: Original and Trial by Jury, The View (I love Meredith Viera), The News, C-SPAN, The Food Network, Documentaries)
Must enjoy walks in the park. (Walking is my primary form of exercise, and I love parks, and picnics.)
Must like kids. (I have some little cousins, who I adore.)
Must be sensual. (Don't kid yourself, Luda said it, "we want a lady in the street but a freak in the bed")

And in making the grade on the above list, it should help her be many of the things listed below.

Authentic- Committed to being her true self.
Beautiful- Not just in physical appearance, but in spirit as well. The latter is hard to measure, but if it's there, you can just tell.
Confident- Believe in herself and her abilities, and be able to back up her words with actions.
Compassionate - Able to understand why helping others is important.
Conscious- Please understand that there are other things going on in the world, aside from us, even though us is what makes us happy.
Dignified- Please know how to balance that next swivel, and finger waving with a softer side.
Driven- Goal oriented and focused on achieving her personal goals and objectives.
Elegance- Please be able to walk the line between sophisticated and simple.
Faithful- Have a desire for a spiritual connection of some sort.
Giving- Able to give of herself, able to share herself with me, and with others.
Honest- Able to connect with me, and not just communicate with me
Humor- A sense of humor is essential. She must be able to make me laugh, and be able to laugh at my jokes however corny.
Intelligent- Please know that I come with required reading, remember that scene from "Love Jones", when they're on the coach in the own worlds (her in photography, he in writing). Well thats up minus them little lovers spats.
Loving- Be able to give me the love that I need, in spite of myself.
Loyal- Be able to be faithful to me and to our relationship.
Patient- Some things don't happen over night, fulfillment sometimes only comes after a wait.
Respectful- Please know that the cornerstone to any relationship with me atleast is respecting me, and my agreeing to respect you for who and what you are, and who and what you can be.

I mean the dealbreakers: be crazy, be unhealthy, be uneducated, be unmotivated, be a golddigger.


You see I have big dreams. I have lots of ideas. I used to have this dream of being a successful 1) attorney, 2) broadcaster, or 3) educational administrator. If you know me you know I'm leaning towards 2, but would be quite good at all three, if I do say so myself.

In my dream I saw myself living in a city like Baltimore, or Philadelphia, or Washington, D.C.

In my dream there was a nice brownstone or townhouse.

In my dream I had a nice whip I always wanted the Infiniti I30.

In my dream if I were an attorney I'd be in the office by 7:30 and out by 6:30, if I were a broadcaster I'd be an early bird up by 3:30 home by 3:30 with weekends off, and if I were an educator I'd be at the school by 8 and home by 6.

I'd have dinner (do some of that 30 minutes or less stuff, so I was eating healthy) with the special someone, catch some TV, listen to some music, read a good book.

I'd be in bed by 10, saving my late nights for the weekend.

On Fridays I'd head up to hear some good music, and eat out.

On Saturday's I'd sleep in, and wake up to do some community service (mentor some young people). I'd have time to go to a museum, a show, or to a local park for some running (HaHa fast paced walking). I'd see my friends (be an entertainer). I'd go to church and then head to brunch. I'd spend some time on Sunday night writing or engaging in some intellectual discussion with the fellas (Kendrick the "Doc", and Gary "The Intellecutal, Professor, Activist".


And I thought recently maybe the lists were too much, maybe the dream was too much, but then I said naw. If I'm working on the self-improvement plan, being the best Christopher I can be, it's out there waiting to be found!

As you can see I had a lot of time to contemplate this, and wrote much of this, when I was at work early for the staff meetings which consist of five minute ramblings which need to be directed to five or so people.