Tears Keep Wanting to Come

So my aunt/godmother is still in the hospital, and she's kind of regressed. We felt she was getting better, but it doesn't seem so today. I spent five hours with her on Monday, and I'm supposed to try and go during her 1 hour of visitation later today.Thoughts of her, her wellness, and the toll it's taking on my family have consumed me.

Add to that yesterday morning my uncle/godfather died due to complications cancer. He wasn't my blood uncle, he was uncle by marriage, but he and my aunt have always looked out for me. I am kind of in shock, this is yet another blow to my family.

My other aunt from Texas who is also suffering from cancer is due to fly in Sunday, and my grandfather is one unhappy camper. This is his oldest daughter, and his only child from his first marriage, and he is ultraprotective of her. She is as stubborn as she is, so it'll be hard to convince her not to come.

In between dealing with my family crises I've still had to go to class, do my hours at the radio station, work at my other more real parttime gig, and try to make arrangements for my trip to Italy.

The only time I was able to smile yesterday was when at work with the kids. I was thanked, and complimented for getting my hair cut. Last week one young 6 year old young lady asked me, "What were you thinking coming to school like that? (By that she meant with long hair, and long nails.)

Then while on playground duty, one little girl relayed her recent experience celebrating a friend's birthday, the 8 and 9 year old girls went for a weekend at the spa. They were treated to manicures and pedicures, and then went out for burgers.

(Can I get that hook up minus the manicure and pedicure, maybe a massage, and then a burger.)

Then she recounted how one of her crews neighbors had a crush on her, little get his mack on,
"You know you're pretty when you're mad."
"Then I must be gorgeous because I'm furious."
Apparently that was a scene from some Disney movie.

Another young woman asked if I went to college and what I wanted to be? I told her yes, and I want to be a news anchor. She said she couldn't see it because I talk so fast. When I thanked her for killing my dream, she changed her tune, and wrote me an inspirational note for my wall which read,

"Your dream might come true if you believe."

LoL I love "my kids" their honest, it's sometimes brutal, but it's sometimes more than I can say for other folks.

I have wanted to cry so bad, and the tears keep welling up. Part of me wonders if the tears will do anything, and if it's a waste of energy.

I don't feel like doing anything. Spring Break begins Friday at 12 noon, but I won't be getting a break. I'll be burying an uncle, praying for an aunt, working next week in order to go to Italy, and whatever else comes my way.

Here's my poem/meditation for today:
There are times in your life when you may ask, "Is my living in vain?"
When you don't feel you can "stand."
When you wonder why you give, "total praise?"
When you want to think that it's okay to say I don't feel the spirit or hear the voices, "calling my name."
There are times when you wonder if you'll really have a "second chance?"
And there are days when you wait for the chance to say, "I told the storm."

Please keep me and mine lifted up in prayer!