The Timeline

The other day a friend of mine and I were talking about relationships. She was confiding in me her latest disappointment.

Her sister met a boy, her sister introduced her to her new beau's roommate. They all went to my friend's apartment for some grub, all went well. Everyone leaves and my friend's , other friends who lived in the same building and had helped her get ready to entertain, tell her that her new "friend" is gay or bi or something. She tells me she wouldn't have a problem with his being bisexual if a few things happened 1) he were open about it, 2) he admitted it to her himself, 3) he had acted responsibly, 4) he agreed to continue acting responsibly and 5) he was monogamous. She thought it hypocritical that she herself being bisexual that she write this boy off, if he in fact deserved an opportunity to prove himself.

Later in the convo she said to me, "If I don't get married, I have no problem with being a single mother, raising my kids in a good neighborhood, and sending them to the best public schools around."

Gosh, I thought to myself, we're already putting ourselves on "the" timeline? I'm still dreading those first marriage invites, which will warp time and then join inviations to baby christenings. We had also talked about the "marriage material comment". You know the one, or atleast I know the one where you're told your marriage material. I've always wondered what the hell you were supposed to do while everyone else is dating? Still beats the hell out of me.

Then I thought back to an article I had read in The NY Times, "Single Men Want a Child, but Relationship Can Wait". What happens if I stop pronouncing that I won't father kids and start feeling paternal, and I'm not in a relationship. Do I go it alone? This article certainly provided food for thought.

You know being the child of a single parent I'm not fundamentally opposed to parents becoming single parents by choice, if they have the means to provide for a child or children. But as I pointed out weeks ago when I read The Three Doc's book "The Bond" about the bond they lacked with their fathers, and the fight some were leading to get stable two parent households, I'm an advocate of doing whatever it takes to give the child an upper hand.

This is yet another development which may define the concept of masculinity.