A Good Black Man

I grew up fatherless, so to speak here in Baltimore. My daddy(I'll use daddy, which is better than what I usually call him) died when I was two, but during the first two years of my life he never saw fit to come and visit my twin sister or me. To be quite honest, there is a part of me that resents him for that. My sister says I'm bitter, LoL, but I don't think I am. The whole situation just puzzles me and leaves me a little perplexed at times. How can a man lay down with a woman, impregnate her, and then not take responsibility for his children? That is a question I ask myself nearly every day. Thanks to my mother, my maternal grandparents, and my mother's sisters I never really felt like I was missing out. It's only now that I'm realizing how much his not being there during my childhood has affected me.

I just turned 19, 19 days ago, and I found myself at a crossroads. Already I find myself doing things members of my family never did. Neither one of my parent’s finished high school, and neither one of them attended college. My mother did earn her G.E.D., and even without her degree she is one of the most intelligent women I know. Her counsel is something I cherish, because of her wisdom; I know I have made some very good decisions thus far in my life. My mother is the first love of my life. She was raised by a strong black woman, and she became a strong black woman. Though we don't always see eye to eye, I respect her so much for always going above and beyond for her children. I never measured my mother's love by what she was or wasn't able to buy my sister and I. I have always measured her love by her saying, "Christopher I love you," or by her just being there. While I know I sometimes even today that I give my mother the blues, it's because I love her LoL :-). I believe that my determination to be a good black man is the best way to show my mother I love her. My success as a man will be a testament to the life my mother lived, it will be a testament to her influence and the lessons she has taught me.

Growing up my mother wanted me to attend Morehouse College in Atlanta, and then when I said, I couldn't do single sex again (I went to an all-boys middle school), she accepted the idea of me attending Howard. Well I applied to Howard and I got in, but I guess we can say it wasn't meant to be. Due to a number of different circumstances I wasn't able to enroll at my first choice, which was Howard University. I am now a rising sophomore at Loyola College in Maryland. While this wasn't part of the plan we all know that our plans are sometimes altered. I haven't let this unexpected event deter me, or dissuade me from attempting to achieve my goals. My mother wanted me at a HBCU to help expose me to good black men, in hopes that I myself would become a good black man.

It didn't take Morehouse or Howard to expose me to good black men, and I am already on my way to becoming a good black man. I found a good black man right under my nose, that man being my maternal grandfather. I found good black men at St. Ignatius Academy where I attended middle school, at McDonogh School where I attended boarding school, and I have found good black men at Loyola College in Maryland. Their examples serve as constant reminders to me that I can achieve not in spite of or despite circumstances, but because of circumstances. I am today, because of what I have encountered, and what I have endured.

I can't dwell on the fact that I never knew what it was to have a father. I can only resolve to do better. Whatever I become whether it is a respected broadcaster, or a respected attorney, or both, I already know I am destined for greatness. I very much know who I am, and whose I am. I owe it to my mother to become a good black man, the man she raised me to be. I owe it to myself to be the best man I can be. I know what it is to be a good black man. I was raised by a strong black woman, and I will be a strong black man.